The house that G built.

[Siren136]

The house that G built.

Hi there Gee! Welcome to MWO! Why don't you tell us about yourself? What brings you here and how can we help you?

[Persephone1]

The house that G built.

Way to go Nursie! :wd: How are you going to celebrate? What a wonderful accomplishment ~ so happy for you :l

Hiya K9 ~ how are you doing? Thanks again for your support when I was going thru Vacation madness, much appreciated.

The sauna looks fantastic Mr.G, :goodjob: Your time on the beach in the sun sounds like Perfection.

My Ex had the same role in his family Siren. He was the rock, everyone looked to him in times of crisis. He had a really hard time with 'weakness', well what he viewed as weak. Its got to be tough when you need something. Or maybe even to allow yourself to need? Its funny, once the alcohol is removed and fog begins to lift, we are able to start seeing things clearer about ourselves and can sift thru our lives a bit. We deserve this. You are in a really amazing place to focus on you for a change, IMO. Especially since you've cleared the alcohol (and unhealthy relationship) outta your path: the world is your oyster...Now go get your hands dirty!!! and maybe knees too! :H

Actually, that is what I was/am brooding about. The role I've had in life. It was first given to me by my birth family and then I slipped it on like a coat. Well, more like a cloak. A heavy, scratchy, ugly cloak. It makes me sick to accept this. I am 43 years old and just now waking up ~ WTF? I can't even blame the alcohol for this, as its only been in my life for a handful of years, no this is just good 'ol brainwashing & mental pathology. Its a nasty pill to swallow too, let me tell you. And maybe, partly why I drank...so I didn't have to 'see' this. But the truth is, if I don't change it now, I'll continue to be miserable and find maladaptive ways to keep myself shackled to the erroneous belief. How effed up is that? So ingrained is the belief that I deserve a shit life that I seek out ways to actually defend it and keep it alive! Wow. Well, at least I really see it for what it is now. That is the beginning of healing, right? I can take the cloak off now and TORCH IT! haha.

Ok, I'm calling a family bonfire to torch all of our Shitty Cloaks! What do YOU have to throw in the fire?

[Persephone1]

The house that G built.

Hiya Gee1969 (that's the year I was born!) Welcome to MWO! Make yourself comfy and tell us a bit about yourself...

[Siren136]

The house that G built.

Thanks, Perse. In my case I don't know when to ask for help, let alone knowing how. My default is to take care of everything myself. What role are you playing that you are trying to shed?

I love the idea of a soul purging bonfire!! I'll go through my "closet" and find some cloaks to throw on the fire.

[Guitarista]

The house that G built.

The best of the best of good mornings to y'all,

Welcome Gee. Hope you drop in again soon, and I hope you're safe and sound in sunny Liverpool.

Yo Niner! What do you mean you can't see the sauna? 'll post another pic/link if you can't see it your end. How was your break?

Trying to think what I've can throw on the fire Pers and Siren. Ok, my habitual procrastination is one! The fear and hesitation of being extraordinary is another.

Hope y'all are good.

Day 18. Bring it on! Freedom, he cries!

[Guitarista]

The house that G built.

The best of the best of good mornings to y'all,

Welcome Gee. Hope you drop in again soon, and I hope you're safe and sound in sunny Liverpool.

Yo Niner! What do you mean you can't see the sauna? 'll post another pic/link if you can't see it your end. How was your break?

Trying to think what I've can throw on the fire Pers and Siren. Ok, my habitual procrastination is one! The fear and hesitation of being extraordinary is another.

Hope y'all are good.

Day 18. Bring it on! Freedom!

[Nursie]

The house that G built.

Hey housemates,
I celebrated by eating almost an entire container of strawberry cheesecake icecream. It was pure delight.
I have been eating a little too much but I am working on it.
Crazy day at work today, no thoughts of alcohol though.

Over the week-end I literally growled at the Coors light girl in the grocery store. She was pushing samples and I growled. At. Her. Lmao

Right now I need some energy and initiative to do my homework and write a paper for tonight.
I love youse guys!

[Guitarista]

The house that G built.

Nursie;1512472 wrote: Hey housemates,
I celebrated by eating almost an entire container of strawberry cheesecake icecream. It was pure delight.
I have been eating a little too much but I am working on it.
Crazy day at work today, no thoughts of alcohol though.

Over the week-end I literally growled at the Coors light girl in the grocery store. She was pushing samples and I growled. At. Her. Lmao

Right now I need some energy and initiative to do my homework and write a paper for tonight.
I love youse guys!

Love you too Nursie,

Ok. How about this. You can go buy yourself ANOTHER strawberry cheesecake icecream when you finish your paper.

[Siren136]

The house that G built.

Great job, Nursie! I still have a little bit of energy left, so sending it your way. That means I can sit on the couch for a while.

That's right, G - don't you dare not be your extraordinary self! We all think you are something extra special.

I'm going to try to shed the need to appear perfect all the time. I don't know who I'm kidding - no one actually expects me to be perfect. Or maybe I'll shed all unrealistic expectations I put on myself.

[Guitarista]

The house that G built.

Hi everyone. I'd like to re-post this from my older thread, from another thread! (a few months ago now)


Here are 2 posts from 2 members taken from the 100 day club thread this morning. The first is from Byrdlady, and the next from Fallen angel. I'm sure the ladies won't mind me sharing their inspiring thoughts here.

'I was talking the other day to some of my friends here...all the struggles sure didn't seem worth it early on. I know there were plenty of times I said, 'what's the use? I'm prolly just gonna drink again, why am I putting myself thru all this deprivation?' Is there ever an end to this longing to drink again? I'm happy to say that there is. I look back and see that I just couldn't let AL go! Denial is Public Enemy #1. I wanted to somehow make it work...was it always going to be 'that thing' out there that I wanted and couldn't have? That is the power of Addiction. Its power to make us think we can't live happily without it. Once I accepted that I am an Alcoholic, the picture began to make sense. For me, ONE drink is too many. One drink puts me back to square one...which is Stage 3 ALK. That's pretty good incentive.

Life is so much different now. It is better in every single way. I sure wish there were a way to show folks into the future. I know everyone thinks he/she is the exception. Being AF is as normal now as putting on my socks. The Drinking Mind is hard to reason with....ONLY AF time gets us here. I am so thankful to Lav...for her endless patience with me. Where would I be without her? I wish I could get thru to folks that one more drink is a dead end. It doesn't relieve the problem at all...it makes it worse. It reinforces that when we have a bad craving...we will cave in to relieve it. Like Kuya says, giving in to the temper tantrum the child is having... I guess physcologists call it positive reinforcement...that behavior is rewarded with a drink. And then that behavior gets stronger. It's a hard hole to get out of. Even the harm reduction idea grates at me like fingernails on a chalkboard. As if to say, I'm not killing myself as quickly, so it's ok.

I wouldn't take a million bucks for my 2 years sober....my quit is EVERYTHING to me...my most important possession. I EARNED it.

I hope the new folks can continue to put one day on top of the last one...until they string into a lifetime of sobriety. It IS worth the wait.

Just a thought I wanted to put down today....B'

And from Fallen angel......

'Byrd- I can so relate to your recent post of saying how you wish you could show someone their future without AL; that all the struggles to keep from having that first drink is worth the effort, no matter how hard it seems right now.
I was fortunate enough when I quit, that I had a great mentor & also the personal experience myself of going through a tough smoking quit. One of the greatest lessons I learned & used when I quit drinking was that no matter how dismal life seemed at the present time... this too shall pass. I plodded through my 3-4 months of sobriety in a very depressed state, but I knew that the only way out, was through. And so I continued on, knowing that if I just stayed sober, that this dark time would pass. There was no alternative... if I drank, I would be miserable & have to start over at square one... and did I have the strength for that, was the big question. If I stayed sober, I would be miserable for a time, but I knew it wouldn't last forever. And so I held on... held on when I wondered "what's the point", held on when all I wanted was a way to escape from myself, held on because that's all I could do if I wanted to have a life worth living.
"Keep on for keepin on" was my mantra in those dark days... that's was the extent of my energy at that time... but thankfully, it was enough.
I broke through the barrier at 6 months... it felt like emerging from a long, dark tunnel into the bright sunlight.
It's the challenging times of our journey that make us cherish & protect our sobriety. I worked hard to get sober, and I continue the vigilance every single day...
because the quality of my life depends on it.'

Take care everyone. G bloke.

[Guitarista]

The house that G built.

Siren136;1512514 wrote: Great job, Nursie! I still have a little bit of energy left, so sending it your way. That means I can sit on the couch for a while.

That's right, G - don't you dare not be your extraordinary self! We all think you are something extra special.

I'm going to try to shed the need to appear perfect all the time. I don't know who I'm kidding - no one actually expects me to be perfect. Or maybe I'll shed all unrealistic expectations I put on myself.

Thanks Siren.

That's a cool thing to hear.

Perfect in my imperfection I say! But then, we are ALL perfect just as we are, non?

I'm off for a run in this drizzly rain. And...............loving it.

L8tr, Yo!

[Siren136]

The house that G built.

Have a great run - I slept through mine this morning. Thanks for reposting the quotes from Byrdie and Fallen Angel.

but I knew that the only way out, was through.

I love this! I say this quite a lot.

[Persephone1]

The house that G built.

Siren136;1512323 wrote: Thanks, Perse. In my case I don't know when to ask for help, let alone knowing how. My default is to take care of everything myself. What role are you playing that you are trying to shed?

Hey Siren,
Sorry, I guess I didn't explain thoroughly enough. I go on and on in my description without giving the meat. I suppose the role that needs shed or belief that has greatly hindered me is that of being inherently flawed: unworthy, unlovable/unloved, deserving of suffering, This self~loathing has led me to extremely masochistic situations. I have sought out abusive people and environments to reinforce this and alcohol abuse is an ideal place for it to be perpetuated. And the depression that has come from it has been debilitating. In fact, its really hard to look at here in print. Its embarrassing that this lives deep inside me. Sadly, something this dark is very difficult to 'shed', but quitting the drink helps some.
P.

[Guitarista]

The house that G built.

Persephone1;1512562 wrote: Hey Siren,
Sadly, something this dark is very difficult to 'shed', but quitting the drink helps some.
P.

Hi Persephone,

I am often a self sabotager. Our journey's are a little different, but I know that quitting the drink helps bigtime.

Now i'm really off for a run. Jim first I think.

Take care.

[FlyAway]

The house that G built.

I was out at dinner the other night with my husband when he happened to mention to our waiter that it was our anniversary. Actually we were a day late but we'd both forgotten. Anyway at the end of the meal they brought us over two large flutes of champagne to celebrate. I thought that was mighty assuming of them. My husband was shocked that I wouldn't even take a sip. No thanks. I know where that leads and that's not a part of my life I care to relive. I am quite happy to just be me, fully unadulterated!