I recently started dating someone....seems like a nice guy...has custody of his two daughters and has for years. Works hard, etc....I found out this weekend he and his ex-girlfriend were swingers. Good grief! Why me???? I am not a prude by any means, but this is a bit too freaking weird. Now, some people say...what happens before you has nothing to do with you, but I don't think this type stuff falls into that catagory. I would NEVER do that and once someone would, how would they ever be happy just being with one person. Of course, he says differently, but I see him different now. Any thooughts?
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
Sorry TOC. I just burst out laughing because I was not expecting that. That would definitely be a deal breaker for me.......I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me -
Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
I don't know much about the situation, but don't shut your self down just yet. It's like saying once someone lives with drinking all the time (and liking it then) how could they ever want or be able to live without it now? He is giving you that chance, maybe you should be as forgiving of him if he is really trying. Just a thought.Learning to live life on the outside of a bottle. :flower:Comment
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
Lush, you didn't expect it...how do you think I feel? LOL (I have to laugh or I'd cry) First guy I have dated since my fiance' passed...Comment
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
Back to the drawing board?!! I have never met a "swinger" Whan to share more? like where does this happen? how do they find each other? do they pay union dues? you know the good stuff!
MarComment
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
Oh my Tired, now that is something I didn't expect either. One partner is definately enough for me!"Keep your eyes and heart focused on the end goal at all times, and never settle for less."Comment
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
TOC, You never know when true love is going to strike or not. Take care of you!!Reach deep, find your will power.
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
Sorry TOC
No advice and I'm not making light of your situation
A couple who move in the same circles as my wife and I tried it on one night a few years ago. We laughed it off and it was never mentioned again. It turns out though that they've asked just about everyone we know, and they keep taking long weekend breaks to Scandanavia.....I wonder why???Comment
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
TOC I would have a lot of trouble with that. If I didnt have emotions invested, I would be tempted to move elsewhere. I am sorry, but why make life harder? We already have so much crap to deal with but thats just me....Over 4 months AF :hComment
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
Well, they weren't married, right? She was just a 'girlfriend' and now she is an ex? So he sewed some oats...big deal. If this was his ex-wife, I might be a little more conservative in my reaction, personally...but the fact that he is no longer married would be a factor as well..heck, I've done a thing or two in my day that I wouldn't think of doing now ;-D
so, have some fun..sounds like an adventurous guy, might be nice...the big question is if you trust him and what he says.
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
Well, he does have custody of his 2 daughters and that tells you something about what kind of man he is.
Also, did he tell you himself that he use to be a swinger? If so that is another plus if he told you about it - honesty. It may have been his girlfirends idea also.
Seriously, I have known swingers and most of them just kind of went through that phase and don't do that anymore.
I would just enjoy dating him if you like his company.Comment
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
OK.....I work with someone who had a "swinger" lifestyle with her ex-husband. I have known her for about ten years and she did this many moons ago when she was young and immature. She did it mainly to please him and eventually, the marriage did not last. She would never do it again. I would talk openly with him and see what his true attitude is towards it now. A long, long, long discussion.
(Simeybear, I will PM you later with details....they have private clubs with memberships..SHHHHH)
Sometimes I wonder...."Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me.Comment
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
Hi Tired,
I'm not sure how old his girls are, but perhaps you were steered in their path for a reason???? Strangers things have happened.Comment
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
Simeybear, I didn't get all the details...what I did get was enough. I really didn't want to hear anything else. I was already freaking out!
Wannabesober, His girls are 16 and 13.Comment
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Oh wonderful! Why me!!!
Well, she is his EX-girlfriend, which says something. I would sure slow the relationship down and let him know that you have some concerns. If you really can't get past it, well then that's it, of course, but it might be worth giving it some time and seeing what happens. Not that I've ever been a swinger, but I imagine that like anything, the compulsion to "swing" can get boring---
Hang in there, TOC, and follow your heart.
Hugs,
Kathy:lAF as of August 5th, 2012Comment
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