Oh wonderful! Why me!!!

[southernbelle47]

Oh wonderful! Why me!!!

Dear TOC,
Look at this as if your life depended on it. It may just do that very thing.
My daughter has had to have minor surgery on her cervix because of a virus that is sexually transmitted. Her x had "several" partners. I do hate to be the "downer" in the group but it is something to think about.
Cancer is serious..
Someone here on MWO resently found out that she had this when she had a positive pap smear.
Please be careful and weight the facts...

:l Nancy

[Guest]

Oh wonderful! Why me!!!

Thanks Belle, I work in healthcare, so I am very aware of the health factors too. I am 35 and he is 41...this isn't some college/kid thing here, he wasn't just experimenting through college, etc....he's a grown man. I have broken off the relationship.

[Breez]

Oh wonderful! Why me!!!

TOC:
I think that was the smart thing to do. Congats on being strong. I'm sure it was a hard thing to do.

[Guest]

Oh wonderful! Why me!!!

Thanks Fan and SeaBreez....luckily not much time was invested. Have to tell ya, kinda depresses me this whole dating thing. I truly HATE dating. Really makes me long for my lost love. His one year anniversary is less than a month away. Last few days have been rough thinking about what we were doing this time last year. Have been real teary eyed! Been strong so far with the drinking....even making it through the weekend.

[southernbelle47]

Oh wonderful! Why me!!!

{{{{{{TOC}}}}}}

"Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all"..

I've never been where you are....it must be very painful. Know that you are loved and hugged from here.
:h :l Nancy:l :h

[Guest]

Oh wonderful! Why me!!!

Thanks Nancy!!!

[bestlifeldms]

Oh wonderful! Why me!!!

TOC,

A red flag is a red flag! I know that in the past, when I haven't heeded them, I have been sorry later. Health issues make this very real!

I, like others, have done things in the past that either make my blood run cold or are humiliating. They are not things I wish to share, unless it would be to try to teach my grown kids that I made these mistakes, learned from them, and hopefully they won't repeat the same things. But there are a few sacred secrets that will go with me to my grave.

The fact that you are thinking about what is not acceptable to you, and not just clinging to "A" relationship says alot about both your self esteem and level of confidence. Good for you!

There are alot of fish, as they say. I'm with you - I would probably throw this one back!

:l Hugs,

Best

[anemone]

Oh wonderful! Why me!!!

Get rid of him. You have other fish to fry. Like bourbon and honey marinated salmon, (called appropriately drunken salmon), wine and mussels with tomatoes, onions and asiago cheese, beer battered fish, and on and on. You are better than that and that's why it's icky to you.
Look, this problem we have is overwhelming and you know that. We drunks want to save the world for some reason and that is why we listen to all those drunks in the bars. Save yourself, concentrate on yourself. There are other diseases out there you know. Anomone

[Newyear]

Oh wonderful! Why me!!!

Hi TOC.. Happy you did what was right for you. I certainly understand it - I don't think I would have been ok with that either.
So sorry about your fiance.
It is very hard to put yourself out there. I'm trying to get out there and start dating again too. I haven't dated in about 9 years! I tried eHarmony - just cancelled it after 3 months (one date - and it was not a love connection!).
I'm going to join a 40+ singles group(i'm 43) with my church - just to meet people.
I am not enjoying the dating thing either! :l
swinging really does sound kind of icky....good for you.
Lisa

[skootiemom]

Oh wonderful! Why me!!!

Good Points and Bad Points!

Hey TOC,

Glad to hear that you stood your ground on your beliefs and that, as someone else pointed out, you're not going to try and make something work, because you are lonely. This guy was obviously not the one. If he was, you would have wanted to explore it further and see if there was a way around it. I would hate it if someone rejected me based solely on the fact that I have a problem with alcohol. The fact that I am now taking steps to correct and take control of my problems should be what is important. We ALL have things in our past which we are not proud of, sexual or not, and no, we don't need to divulge everything, but this guy thought it was important for some reason... either to make sure that if it ever came out, you would not freak 5 years down the road.... or, he was testing the waters to see if you were interested! I say better to clear out the issues sooner, rather than later.... perhaps this should have been later.... ahhh- Life's Lesson's!!!

I have to admit that my husband revealed something quite troublesome to me early into our dating.... perhaps 3 months? It was shocking and very worrisome to me at that time. After lots of discussion, I understood what had happened and can now, quite confidently say am the luckiest gal on the planet and I am VERY happily married some 12 years later. Always keep an open mind- to close it to some things can close you off to some terrific people out there...

As for the swinger thing~ each to their own. I don't pre-judge behaviour that is between consenting adults. As for the health issue- with ANYONE, no matter of their past, you must always protect yourself first. Because this man was a swinger does not mean that he was any more risky than anyone else walking down the street. It only takes ONCE to contract something nasty.

Keep your chin up, TOC- there are plenty of good fish out there... some may have an extra set of gills or be a little different- but they can still be a good catch!

Skootie