who am i?

[paulywogg]

who am i?

In a mood today,tried to watch Louie overnite again so Kell could "celebrate"her b-day,had allergies super bad all nite,i should have canceled but i figured i'd be ok after some sleep,well he woke up at 12:30, i didnt even hear him but Bobbi,tried to get him back to sleep,Michelle tried then they came and got me i tried for an hour,Bobbi was texting Kell i told her to come get him,i couldnt stay up til 3 to get him back to sleep,and i know i wouldnt be able to get back to sleep either,well she had been drinking so i dropped him off at 2 a.m,to buzzed parents,i feel horrible,the whole point of this not drinking thing is to be a dependable gramma! then today were at the store Michelle's calling crying her head off begging for money because she's supposed to be moving to WA in 2 days,how the hell did she blow threw her tax refund,paychecks,everything?because she's so addicted to spice she cant think straight! ive been balling my eyes out all day,i dont know what to do,im so super stressed i feel like i cant breathe,how do i handle stress?i started thinking about how i'd cope if someone died,honestly i'd probly drink and drink,but it won't help just make me sick,ugh maybe im just overly tired and emotional today,fuck.

[Byrdlady]

who am i?

Pauly, I am sorry you are having so much stress.

I just wanted to stop in and congratulate you on your 30 days and tell you how proud I am of you! On behalf of the newbie's, here is your hat!
:goodtime:

Hang in there, it is worth it. Hugs, Byrdie

[Pavati]

who am i?

Hang in there, Pauly. It IS worth it. Imagine all of the above if you HAD been drinking - no consoling, no driving, no sense! Life is hard, life as a drunk is much harder.

xo
Pav

[paulywogg]

who am i?

Absolutely,the strangest part of yesterday was,in spite of the fact of being tried and sad was i didnt even think of drinking,but then i thought "why am i not thinking of drinking this away"?then i thought of drinking,but thought ahead all of the b.s will STILL be there,i would just feel shittier,i just worry about Michelle,im scared of her going off to WA and becoming homeless or doing worse drugs and it not endingup so good,my beautiful daughter went from vibrant and pretty to looking like a tweaker,skinny,strigy hair,weird tattoos,piercings,rave clothes(when she bothers to shower)but then again maybe getting the hell out of Vegas is what she needs,i can only pray to the God i believe in,that everything will be o.k

[treetops]

who am i?

Pauly - congratulations on 30 days:applaud:
It may not seem it at the time but you are handling this family stress - you are getting your feelings out to us on MWO - you ARE a reliable and loving granny and Mummy - you are protecting your family as well as yourself. Maybe your daughter does need to get away - I don't know of course what its like for you and living in Vegas - but you not drinking is the best thing.
Your time will come - its a hard long road (hellz I sound like a bad line from a tacky song:H) and just keep doing what you do.

[paulywogg]

who am i?

So two days after this post on the day Michelle left,i bought some beers to "soothe my nerves"said my goodbyes and went to get more cuz well,im an alcoholic and after chugging those game was on,had that nite,then stopped,then proceeded again friday and saturday,i dont know how this will ever stop,i was determined NOT to drink yesterday and told everybody to leave me alone,that's really sad,no family time at all this weekend,and it was all over my stupid anxiety and sadness over my kid leaving,she's happy and content! gotta quit building stuff up in my head,and drinking for nothing

[paulywogg]

who am i?

Also,after i drank on that tuesday,i woke up still drunk,went to work couldnt do it,had to have a relif come in,that never happens to me,maybe cuz i hadn't drank in a bit,maybe i had more than i thought,who knows,what i do know is drinking sounds fun at first but i end up,isolated,boring,lazy,just not who i am or who i want to be! today is day 2, again yet again,dammit

[mama bear]

who am i?

Oh Kradle. I am so sorry babe. We miss you on the Steppers thread.

[Zenstyle]

who am i?

Hey Pauly...

I'm sorry you're going through a bad patch. You haven't given up though and you're on Day 2 YAY!!!! You can do this. Every time you get on top of AL you get stronger... :l

I'm rooting for you... GO Pauly!

[Dottie Belle]

who am i?

Pauly I am so sorry u are having a rough time...glad u came here to talk to us...
((Pauly))

[mama bear]

who am i?

Shit Pauly! I didn't mean to call you Kradle! Sorry❤️

[fennel]

who am i?

Pauly, you know you can do this! You're on day two, stick with it, okay? :h

[Lizann]

who am i?

Anyway without al is a good day Pauly. Day two again is fantastic! Hang in, we are here for you.

[paulywogg]

who am i?

Yikes,im drunk and i really dont give a fuck!!, yeah im sorry to everybody,Kell and i are in a fight cuz i'm so pissed at her behavior yesterday it was 4/20 day of pot smoking,she came over high as hell,i couldnt even understand her,oh shit,i feel like shit,i hate my job,hate me ugh is this EVER gonna end?i dont think so

[paulywogg]

who am i?

I'm so sorry to all my friends,i just dont care,it sux balls