who am i?

[paulywogg]

well this will be my journal,in my time at mwo i would have NEVER had any days sober without it,so this is my journal,dont read it if your struggling,dont read it if your super sober and judgemental,just dont,its my quit and ill update daily weekly,whatevs

[paulywogg]

who am i?

o.k,ive been here for nearly a year,i absolutly have made progress,jan i drank 2 days,feb eh a little more,march total 5 days,april 4 days,may isnt turning out so great so far,but i,cripes i dont know what to post in case it gets flagged

[paulywogg]

who am i?

ugh,so i started this thread just to keep me solid,almost a year that ive been here i have made progress and i am serious about this,i titled it "who am i" because shoot when you havent dealt with reality for awhile,its hard to do it again,i love my life i know im a nice caring person but the last 8 years i was drinking through nearly everything its a blur really,so in becoming sober its really like waking up from a coma in a way,how do i deal with even basics like shopping,functions,etc,when i was drunk through most before? ive been doing good however the awakening is odd

[Struggles 106]

who am i?

Hey Pauly

I wish you well on your journey. It just takes time to get the clarity going after drinking for so long.

As for the reference to the "super sober" or "judgemental"--I have no idea what that is about.

What is super sober? Either a person is sober or they are not. And judgemental--I just don't see that here.

It is hard to deal with stuff sober-I know! I still have not been to my jam group sober. We have used alcohol for all sorts of reasons. Especially to deal with situations that we are not comfortable with in the first place.

Take care

[paulywogg]

who am i?

oh no ann,when i posted those two comments i was just reflecting on my time here and seeing how were from all over,have different personalities,one thing said wrong in the readers eyes sometimes gets taken the wrong way,i dont know just no offense to be taken in the words i write is what i should have just said,plus i just need this outlet for me

[Siren136]

who am i?

Pauly, I was recently thinking that gaining sobriety is a lot like Neo taking the red pill and waking up in a harsh, yet honest reality, instead of the comfortable lie he was used to. It's really quite similar. We're weak at first and need to take care of ourselves in the early days lest we want to be inserted back into the Matrix. But eventually we gain strength and can make our way in the world.

[kuya]

who am i?

It is your thread Pauly so write what you feel.

From what I have seen you are brave kind and never give up.

[Glass Half Empty]

who am i?

Hey Pauly
The journal is a good idea. Everyone's journey is different and it sounds like you're making good inroads into yours.

I'm looking forward to following your progress. :h

[K9Lover]

who am i?

Hi Pauly!

Just wanted to give you a :l

Say what you want, this is YOUR place!

[paulywogg]

who am i?

so,i drank 6 days ago on my 20th day sober,not sure why but i was so distracted with al thoughts i just didnt care anymore and ive been on it ever since,usually if i slip i can dust off but im having a really tough time,my sleep is horrible,i have a headache,im nauseas,and what do i do?drink again to "feel better"what a load of shit! good god why do i put my self through this misery over and over?i thought i had it under control,guess not,it doesnt help that hubs is in denial about how bad i really am,ill get it somehow

[kuya]

who am i?

Pauly the habit of relapsing is a hard one to break.......I am having a hard time with smoking due to this, quit easily, stupidly smoked when heavy smoking friends were staying and now finding it very hard to quit again.

Have you thought of using Antabuse ? You obviously really want this and an unsupportive partner and environment make it too hard.

Maybe go to the Dr and tell her/him then tell your partner your doctor said you HAD to quit!

[paulywogg]

who am i?

hi kuya,yes ive thought of antabuse my dr even recommended it,however i drink for emotional junk and most of the time i think things trough and i dont WANT to drink at all,im scared taking ab will make me feel emotionally weaker that really makes no sense does it?even to me it sounds like an excuse

[paulywogg]

who am i?

another thing,i keep telling myself"well im doing better than i was"and i am,however this start and stop crap is bs! if anybody reading this is struggling,put those thoughts aside! it is a mess,we cant pat ourselves on the back for af days and decide to"cut loose"once in a while,it doesnt work that way at all

[kuya]

who am i?

paulywogg;1502631 wrote: hi kuya,yes ive thought of antabuse my dr even recommended it,however i drink for emotional junk and most of the time i think things trough and i dont WANT to drink at all,im scared taking ab will make me feel emotionally weaker that really makes no sense does it?even to me it sounds like an excuse

If there was Antabuse for smoking now I would take it in a heartbeat Pauly, I promise you.

If you use Antabuse ( and use it religiously) you will be able to repair and have the energy to tackle the root causes. It is just a tool to get where you want to be.

If I told you that walking up a hill for twenty minutes a day would DEFINITELY cure your drinking, you would do it wouldn't you? And you wouldn't consider it as a weakness. Taking that pill takes commitment NOT weakness.
Since most lapses occur in the evening, taking the Antabuse in the morning means you have promised yourself NO ALCOHOL TODAY.

Be kind to yourself Pauly.......you WANT sobriety, or you wouldn't still be here.

[Siren136]

who am i?

Hi Pauly,

I recommend Antabuse. I also struggled staying AF. I stopped, started, stopped, started and eventually couldn't even go 5 days AF. Enough was enough. AB takes the option off the table. I don't even think about drinking now, because I can't. And it's not like I can skip a dose and drink that day. The effects last for 1-2 weeks after your last dose.

I realize I am not doing a lot of the hard work that some folks are doing. I'm not getting to the root cause of my drinking. But I will get there eventually. Right now I need to just get sober for a while. I need to get past the crushing depression that alcohol enables and start to think clearly for a while. I don't plan to be on AB forever, but if it's the only thing that works, then I'll stay on it for as long as I need.