who am i?

[Rusty]

Pauly, check your Inbox.:love:

[paulywogg]

Blew my quit,AGAIN!! I was doing so good, why

[paulywogg]

I'm outta here

[mama bear]

what's wrong Pauly?

[techie]

You are human, vulnerable, and very much wanting to control the urge and subsequent fall. Accept what is. Then go and change it. Move back in the direction that was working for you then tweak it. This stuff we go through is not cookie cutter. We all have a very unique struggle. What we DO have in common is our ability to share our story with this wonderful community. It is cathartic and an experience that has changed me forever. I am not special. Get busy. Get back on track. You CAN do this!!!

[paulywogg]

I'm not sure what the hell went wrong? I'm baffled by this drinkin shit,my mind cannot put a finger on what happened, yesterday was sloow at work and I'm booth rent so I have to pay for my space either way, I guess I just got stressed, I tried EVERY diversion I use,supps,eating,walking, I don't want the drink,its not about getting drunk at all,it was getting out of my head,but guess what? Now I'm more stuck in my head!! I thought I'd have a few,a few is bullshit, tried to go to work, had to leave, I threw up on the drive there,good God,what the fuck is wrong with me? I was supposed to watch Louie,I couldn't, I'm balling my eyes out right now, drunk as fuck,yet still wondering if I can fanangle more beer from somewhere, the jig is up,I can't let this destroy me,I'm lost right now

[paulywogg]

DON'T GIVE UP YOUR QUIT!! Take every sober day as a gift, because it is,don't take it for granted,I hope to shit I can get out of this hole,they say your worst day sober is better than your best day drunk,they weren't shitting you

[techie]

Forward think. Get beyound the slip.. You are so much better now than then. Look ahead and go for it!!!

[Pavati]

Hi, Pauly--

How's it going? I like Techie's idea a lot - forward think.

Right now alcohol is in charge. Stop drinking and you can re-take the charge. I got a lot of help from my counselor. We didn't go back and talk about why I drank - we looked forward and made plans for how I could keep from drinking again. My check in with her was my in person accountability - she even gave me her phone number in the early days in case I needed it. She didn't sugar coat anything, nor did she shame me. She just supported. If you didn't like the one you saw, see another one. Shop until you find someone who is right for YOU. If the idea of a counselor doesn't work, have you considered a group? There is AA, but I think there are others as well. Or a sober friend?

Anyway - Keep coming back and trying, Pauly. Like you said, you've been sober quite a bit this year. You're making progress.

Pav

[Spiritfree]

Hi Pauly ---

I am so sorry that you are having to suffer through this cycle again. For those of us who are/have been addicted to alcohol, we absolutely all know the brutal hell that you are going through.

Pauly, you/we all have/had a brain disorder when it comes to alcohol -but you already know all of this -it is just hard as heckins to really believe or understand. After all, you are using a chemical to make you feel better (or just feel normal). We all also know that some (many) people look at our addiction as an 'addiction to fun' -but they truly have no way to understand how painful our brain disorder is -relative to alcoholism. When it gets down to the bottom line with alcohol and the associated pain, it really does not matter anymore what anyone thinks. You have to take steps to do what is best and right for you -regardless of anyone else -period. (And who cares about life insurance anyway? Why? I never really understood this concept anyway.)

You have not lost anything by drinking again Pauly -you have only gained more experience -experience that will help you down the road in your known ability to quit drinking.

Pauly, I will conclude with this remark:
You have a brain disorder -part of which is caused by alcohol itself the other part of the disorder is caused by other factors. You did not willing choose to be in the pain that you are in right now. You have what it takes to live without alcohol -you have done it before. Most importantly, you have the absolute right and deserve to be free and happy; to live a life without a chemical/person controlling your life.

I only wish you peace during your return to sobriety and good health -and this will happen because you will make it happen.

--sf--

[Dottie Belle]

Pauly we are here for you. Pick yourself up and start again. you have shown that you can do this so let us help you if needed.

[mama bear]

Awwwww Crap Pauly......

[NoraC]

Pauly - you are not alone. I screwed up majorly over the weekend. We are going to get this - we really are. You have been doing amazing and you will be again soon! :hug:

[paulywogg]

Thanks everyone, I'm not drinking today Monday was just a very stressful day for me and I was tired and grouchy,I just wish I could deal with those down days in a better way,I thought I could sip a few, it doesn't work that way anymore, I couldn't feel the first, second, third etc,so I just kept on going until I was even more grouchy and tired,then I had some yesterday to deal with the hangover, it didn't work either, there's no fun in it for me anymore, I just wish I'd remember that this time isn't any different than the other times,it all sucked

[blue1]

Hi Pauly! I used to be on here as -143 until they moved and I couldn't login. I started reading this thread and couldn't stop. I want to say I'm very proud of you!!!! You are like a timex...take a lickin and keep on tickin. You are definitely going to be AF forever one day!!!! Your progress says so! Each year you have more and more AF days!!! That's awesome!!!! Keep going no matter what!!!! You got this!!!! And please stop being so hard on yourself when you slip up!!! You are doing better than a lot of people!!! Sending you ❤❤❤!!!