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    #1

    VENTING

    I hope noone minds this-I'm taking the opportunity to vent about something.

    I have a friend who is annoying the hell out of me. I'm trying to determine how much of this is my alcoholic personality issue, and how much I am justified in being annoyed.

    She is always telling me what I SHOULD do. Used to be drinking, but now that that's out it's other stuff. This woman fcked around on her husband and told me about it. I am not judgemental of anyone but that is something I never did and would not do.
    I am travelling for business with this woman this week and am not feeling too nice at the moment.

    My instinct is to stay away from her at the meeting and in the evenings. This week would not be a situation where an opportunity to "school" me would come up. But this morning she felt compelled to say something about maybe I should give up weed, which I HAVE thank you.

    Irritated right now. With the "maybe you should" comments I am sorely tempted to say "Maybe you should stop telling me what the fck I should do. How about that?"
    Tags: None
    #2
    VENTING

    Hey, Ann

    How do you usually respond to her suggestions? Maybe you need to change that in a rather dramatic way to get her attention.

    Do you have to be away w/ her for several days???

    Comment

      #3
      VENTING

      Hey NS

      She and I have been friends for years, and we have a lot in common. This tendency of hers strikes me from time to time as judgemental and condescending.
      But again some of it could be me. LOL

      We are on the same flight tomorrow and I told her I rented a car at OHare so she is riding with me. THen meetings with others, and flight back. It should be OK. I was just venting this morning. I guess if it gets to a certain point I might say something.

      Comment

        #4
        VENTING

        Ok, here's what you should do.... Bahahahah!:H
        Sorry, it was just there for the asking.

        I have a customer that will spend 5 hours combing thru invoices to find a 10 cent error....just so he can catch us. It drives me up a wall....but this is his personality and he can't help it. If I said something to him, it would inflame the situation and perhaps make it worse. I am trying to accept this as the way it is....when he finds something to nag me about, I respond with "I'm addressing that". What can you say to that? I'm not saying I'm wrong and I'm not saying he's wrong, but I'm looking into it further...it's under consideration. It seems to be enough to make him think he still has control, which is all he wants anyway. He is a bully.

        I feel for you having to spend time with someone like that. If they spent as much time on self improvement as they do on criticizing others, we'd all be better off, but such is life. Byrdie
        All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
        Tool Box
        Newbie's Nest

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          #5
          VENTING

          Well my dear Ann..you know my flight status with The FAA or FRIENDS AFTER ALCOHOL....I'm pretty much grounded :H

          I wouldn't make any serious moves at the moment and just let it play out. Most of mine have already played out but new people, which amazes me, are coming Into my orbit.

          I have to take the Doris Day position of Ce Sera Sera regarding my friends these days otherwise I'd be locked in my closet most of the time. :upset:
          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

          Comment

            #6
            VENTING

            Ann Carolina;1505096 wrote:
            We are on the same flight tomorrow and I told her I rented a car at OHare so she is riding with me. THen meetings with others, and flight back. It should be OK. I was just venting this morning. I guess if it gets to a certain point I might say something.
            Wouldn't you know that I was just an hour or so away from you last weekend and now you'll be just a couple hours from me??? Someday maybe we can meet in the middle!

            Your friend might not even know she is doing it. I have to put the brakes on my 'camp counselor' tendencies every now and then, too :H !

            Comment

              #7
              VENTING

              Hi NS

              I'm sure I'll just tolerate it. She has been a friend when I needed one. She is something of a negative person, considering the life that she has. Maybe a person who needs to practice some gratitude and count their blessings a bit more.

              Comment

                #8
                VENTING

                Ann, I have a friend like this and no matter how well she can see my life improving she will find SOMETHING I should be doing better.

                She has a good heart though and doesn't even realise that she is doing it.

                I accepted a while back that she is, in fact, not very bright.......that made it less irksome.

                When she does these things, smile inside and say thanks for the suggestion. She is probably pushing a button put there by a critical parent long ago. :h

                Comment

                  #9
                  VENTING

                  Ann, I tend to agree with Kuya (not on everything, haha!!:H). Look some of my best friends annoy the hell out of me and they can be super-critical but they are my friends and as I get older and older I really value those that have been in the long haul.

                  One thing I have found is that its easier now for me to take on board remarks about my behavior now that I am sober. Its also easier for me to make some comments to my friends when I am sober - I just choose the moment (not if they are drinking too much). I also don't push the amount of time I spend in the company of friends, who much as I love them, drain me. We are all imperfect and have our irritations.

                  Have a good trip and hope you can handle the ikky moments.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    VENTING

                    Hey Ann, this is your friends personality issue definately not yours. She sounds like she may suffer fron low self esteem and is jealous of folks around her. Of course I don't know her so don't know, but it's ok to be annoyed and look on the bright side at least you won't get drunk and take a swipe at her ;0)
                    AF since 2nd Oct 2012
                    Day by day

                    Comment

                      #11
                      VENTING

                      HAHA MOOTS

                      You are right-I won't be drunk. LOL

                      This woman is very smart but I think she doesn't realize how she comes across sometimes. For example, she thought I was getting rid of the bf. When I mentioned his name the other day she said "Oh he's BACK?" And , having been raised by wolves, drunk wolves, I am hypersensitive to tone of voice etc. The tone was there indicating disapproval. But I don't care.

                      In reference to drinking she once told me she did not understand why I kept making bad choices, doing things that are harmful. Again with judgemental tone.

                      I was sick one time and she made some smart ass comment about me always being sick or some such bullshit and I said something like Yeah I love being sick. Or something. She was like What did I say?

                      She tried for a job that would have made her my manager. She did not get it and I am glad now.

                      Off to Chicagoland! Getting new beads for Byrd and me.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        VENTING

                        Woo Hooo! I can't wait! Remember, a world without beads...is CHAOS! I hope the Beading Gods are with you.

                        Have a great time with your bad self! You are a new woman! Screw those people who make you feel bad! Travel safely! Byrdie
                        All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                        Tool Box
                        Newbie's Nest

                        Comment

                          #13
                          VENTING

                          Ann Carolina;1505258 wrote:
                          Off to Chicagoland! Getting new beads for Byrd and me.
                          Are you going to String A Strand On Wells? It is really nice. Or will you be in one of the suburbs? Have fun in the Windy City!

                          Comment

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