Depression sucks..

[pingu1997]

It does..

We all know it, and I'm not sure why I had to write this thread right now. I suffer from depression, prob always have but it's been worse in the last few years.

I used to drink to make it better, or so I thought. Vodka will help... and more vodka... and that got me into this crazy cycle of daily drinking and going to bed feeling like shite, waking with a hangover and doing it all over again the next day.

I was prescribed Citalopram the day I walked into the doctors and begged for help to get me out of this crazy mess. That was also the day I packed in medicating myself with vodka.

Over 2 years sober now and just wanted to try life without ADs. I felt ready to give it a go, so I tapered off them...

Much like alcohol, the first 2 weeks were horrid. Withdrawals from ADs is vile, I know not everyone has them, but I did, and so bad I just wanted to open the new pack and take them again....

After 2 weeks it started it get a bit easier. Not so bad physically, but emotionally I'm struggling at times. Not wanting to give in without a fight (because I am a hard faced cow) I'm really trying to adjust to this new life without..

I'm finding things OK during the week but its the weekend evenings when things seem to fall apart. I've got into a pattern of getting really down on Saturday evenings and just ending up in a mess. Having identified this I'm making a plan for each time I think I might have a meltdown. Tonight's is to watch a DVD. But i've felt it building all afternoon, the pressure inside my head like I just want to scream and scream...

I feel like all my old coping strategies have been taken away. ADs. Alcohol. Sleeping tablets. Codeine. Even ripping my nails to shreds.....I feel really vulnerable right now. And I can't even go play my cello cos I've sprained my bloody wrist doing something else I love, ice skating!

Not sure whether anyone else can relate to this. I've got a meds review this week where I will have to talk honestly and frankly to my GP about how things are going. I am so unsure, but the fight in me is not ready to give up yet.

Written with much love
P3

[Byrdlady]

Depression sucks..

Ping, I can relate!!! I went off of Cymbalta cold turkey after having taken it for 5 years. I didn't know you weren't supposed to do that. I ended up in the ER with withdrawals! After that episode, it took me 6 LONG weeks to get it out of my system. I had all sorts of thoughts (YES, the BAD ones). Out of desperation, my sister googled Cymbalta Withdrawals and sure enough, ALL of the symptoms I was displaying were there. On that forum, there were 100's of people mad as hell that nobody had warned them about these severe side effects of coming off them. It was truly a horrible time in my head. After the 6 weeks I was so passionate of warning others about it that I contacted the Dr. Phil Show, Oprah and Dateline NBC. Dr's are handing these prescriptions out like candy (we are asking for them, in their defense) but getting off the dam things is awful and no one prepares you that. If they do they don't tell you the magnitude of the depression you have at first!! I didn't hear anything back from those tv shows, but I did put it all over my FaceBook page. If I can help one person get off of them without thinking they are CRAZY then I've done something.

Hang in there.....6 weeks, I was just appalled that it took so long....you are NOT nuts! It will get better I promise! Byrdie

[mama bear]

Depression sucks..

Pingu
I am taking Paxil and am terrified to quit. But maybe, as depressed people, we need meds?
Why did you quit? Just curious....you know I understand....

[red67]

Depression sucks..

Pings, I was the same way with Paxil. Like Byrdie, I quit them cold turkey and had a total breakdown. I went to my doctors office an absolute mess. He also told me not to quit cold turkey, had to taper. He never told me that when I started taking them. They did help my depression but I swore I would never take another AD. I did counseling and yes I still get depressed sometimes but have learned that I can cope and life is up and down. I am not saying don't take the AD's. There are people who do need them. I just think everyone needs to be more informed about them and the side effects.

For me I have learned to take each day as it comes, good or bad, and remember that feelings are temporary. I don't know what the answer is for you. Maybe because you can't do what you love right now it is making it worse.

No matter what, I hope you feel better soon because depression sucks!

[NoSugar]

Depression sucks..

Hi,

I posted this link on Siren's thread about depression but I'm not sure it was seen.

I think the artist captures so many hard truths about depression yet manages to offer hope.

Hyperbole and a Half

:h NS

[MonaCat]

Depression sucks..

Are you on antidepressants and worried that they are effecting your memory ? I'm on antidepressants and get little REM sleep. Will this affect my memory? - Dr. Robert S. Rosenberg

[SKendall]

Depression sucks..

My stepson is a surgeon in cancer research, etc. I had a conversation with him some time ago and asked him if the cancer research would ever turn up a cure. He told me they were aiming in that direction, but said the most advanced research in the last 20 years had to go to the development of anti-depressants. Even though it's not his field, he was quoting statistics to me of people who were more productive, fewer suicides, etc.

I was a depressed teenager and suffered depression most of my life - that's hard-wired into our brains. I have tried numerous ad's and have found relief with the new generation of celexa - lexapro and cymbalta. Many of us who sober up want to cleanse our bodies of our addictions and commonly stop taking anti-d's safely believing we have addictions to them also. Some of us drank to cure the depression and when we quit the depression is still there - hardwired.

If anyone wants to stop their anti-d's, please do it slowly and if your depression returns rely on a doctor you can trust and who is well-informed on this subject. There aremany medical articles on this subject if you want to research.

[SKendall]

Depression sucks..

Mona, I was anxious to read that link but couldn't access it.

[MonaCat]

Depression sucks..

Well Said SK !
I agree with all of your points.
Getting enough sleep keeps my depression at bay.
And thank you to the researchers who developed antidepressants.
So many differnt ones to choose from as well.

[MonaCat]

Depression sucks..

SK...try this one

I'm on antidepressants and get little REM sleep. Will this affect my memory? - Dr. Robert S. Rosenberg

[MonaCat]

Depression sucks..

SK .....or google...AnswersForSleep.com and look at the Q&A section

[pingu1997]

Depression sucks..

Guys...I did taper
I am taking this seriously
And tonight I have made it without any melt downs

Red, my sober buddy, thank you for your words. We appear to be on the same wave length....

Nite all

[SKendall]

Depression sucks..

Pingu, I was responding to your question of can anyonre else relate to this.

[mama bear]

Depression sucks..

I have been taken off of AD's several times by my doc, at my request.
I have a low grade of depression that is there sometimes, and sometimes not.
And I know how serious you are Pingu. I have seen you suffer with this before and I worry.
Be well sweetie

[pingu1997]

Depression sucks..

mama bear;1507473 wrote: I have been taken off of AD's several times by my doc, at my request.
I have a low grade of depression that is there sometimes, and sometimes not.
And I know how serious you are Pingu. I have seen you suffer with this before and I worry.
Be well sweetie

I am keeping a very close eye on me and so far I am winning....

For me now the idea of taking them again would equate to me pouring a glass of wine. They are in my.mind something I want out of my body

But if I cannot manage then I will take them again. I just need to find out one way or the other

Hope this makes sense x