why do i feel so alone

[seahorse]

im in a house full of people but im isolated 3 teenage kids
one belongs to me whos 20, the other 2 are my step kids but when me and my hubby argue about stupid things my life goes upside down ,he turns it around and blames my PROBLEM meaning im a bloody alco and hes not, hes made my life hell this last week , i gave my home up , my family up , my jobs up to move 50 miles away to be with him and my son came me( he didnt have to) but im his mum and thats all he knows ,well all he knows is that i love him and would die for him as any mother would for their child. i have been doing well for the last 4 weeks not drinking, but i am as im writing this cos this last week i have felt so a lone no one to talk to in a world of my own and no one to turn to my hubby has threatened to throw me out if i continue and i have not even been drinking ive locked my self away in the bed room for at least 3 days when hes at home , dont get me wrong its hurting him also hes just getting harder with me ,i was the selfish one i turned agressive and hit him now hes turning every thing againts me and hes getting selfish and mean and turns every thing i did in to a get out clause eg if u get pissed again ur out ov my house er rrrrrrrrrr i gave my own home up for him and so did my son and my life where i lived for 40 yrs( im now 42 yak getting old lol)im married to a man whos ex wife deserted him and his kids so his kids have got hang ups also especially about their mother i mean what mother walks out on her 8 yr old daughter ,for gods sake pissed or not ,which she never was , she still went
............. im not writing this to get sympathy im just sounding off cos i can not talk to any one ok all u nice people out there thanks for listening (reading ) take care
i love u all
caroline
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Java]

why do i feel so alone

Hey Caroline, Hang in there. I wish I could help more...I can't relate exaclty to the situation but I know a lot of times I have felt completely alone while completely surrounded. I don't want to judge, but he could be more understanding, I mean, sounds like you have made tremendous progress! You are doing great with the not drinking, and that is awesome, very proud of you!!


Victoria

[SKendall]

why do i feel so alone

Hi Seahorse,

Boy it sounds like your in a bad place. Keep your children close and do the do things that will improve your life. When you get strong enough you may want to reconsider this relationship. I too have made difficult choices that caused pain. I left a country and my family to follow my husband - kid's stepfather and when we left my roots he wasn't really kind to my kids - isolate and control thing. It took time, but I always put my kids first.

Good Luck and stay with us.

[Guest]

why do i feel so alone

You are doing very well Caroline. I know what you mean about being alone. My husband is watching a movie I have no interest in and all the while taping it for later. So I sit here and chat with my friends. Go for a drive get some fresh air.It does help
I care
Mar

[seahorse]

why do i feel so alone

thanks victoria really sweet of u to reply it means alot but my hubby has had to put up with a lot from me hes just protecting him self and he wont allow him self to be hurt again as his ex wife left him with 3 point+ 3 kids even though 3 where grown upish. he still loves me just trying to take control of the situation ,which he can not as i have to do it by my self!!!!! if i dont do it for myself who

[jay42]

why do i feel so alone

your not alone ..... we are here for you ......

[stollies1]

why do i feel so alone


Hi seahorse,
Welcome to you by the way... Sounds like a very complicated situation and its sounds like everyone is contributing to the problems.I obviously dont know your family situation well but if it is your husband trying to take control of the situation, I suggest he's going about it the wrong way.You havent told us much about your drinking.Have you given up or cut back?
As far as the drinking is concerned its your choice and your journey and you have to want to do something about it for yourself, blackmail doesnt work well when giving up this pervasive little beast and if you want him to understand what your trying to do about it, invite him (and the kids) to have a look at MWO to see what your trying to do to help yourself.
If he's just being a prick, then *&%# him!
You need to be strong and sober for yourself and your son.Keep posting,we're here for you.
My thoughts are with you.
Victoria xxooxx

[Beaches]

why do i feel so alone

Seahorse,
Welcome, Just remember that through all of this you need to be true to yourself. Figure out what you want and the rest will fall into place.
We are here for you. Keep talking.

[TomNolds]

why do i feel so alone

Seems like you 've got a big heart just venting a little. And thats ok. Doesnt sound like you want to leave. Just acknowlight you got needs also. Can not be all things to every one at all times , give your self time also and express your needs and dont fel gulity. more words than i'd said in a long time. Tom

[Helensback]

why do i feel so alone

And good words they were too, Tom.

Welcome Seahorse.

Good people here - hang in.

Helen

[Elizabeth]

why do i feel so alone

HI SeaHorse, sorry to hear about your troubles. Everyones made some good points here. Why don't you do just as Victoria suggested, show him MWO and let him see how you r trying to fight your alcoholism. Of course proof of the pudding is in the eating BUT if he knows and sees what your'e trying to do he might be a little less scared AND more receptive to you. If you can try and do a months abstenance.... it'll show you are trying your best, give you the time to see clearly AND MAKE A BROAD STATEMENT TO THOSE YOU LOVE.

Locking yourself away in your room is probably scaring him too! Do you work, or have a hobby you like a lot? I think its very important that when someone moves to a new area and gives up their old way of life to be with someone that they retain their own identity, by maintaining their interests and individuality. After all thats what he fell in love with. I don't have kids but I can relate to your situation... I've been there. You can't look after other people till you've looked after yourself. Well thats what I think! Good luck and keep posting.:welcome: :l

[tea]

why do i feel so alone

Hi Seahorse, I'm right there in that room with you, you are never alone!

I have in the past been in a very simlilar situation to where you are now, reading your post brought back the feeling of helplessness and loneliness that I felt then. You clearly want to stay in this relationship but are frustrated and hurt, not a good combination.

Ok here goes then. I moved in with my then b/f, 120 miles from my own folks. He was a lovely, caring, funny, generous man when we first met, we took turns to drive to each others homes each weekend and hols and I was so happy, having a lovely life. We spoke about moving in together many times but neither of us wanted to give up our respective homes, needless to say it was me that did, one (just one) of my many regrets as it was a home I was very proud of (just a wee two up two down cottage, not a fancy/expensive/sought after property) I put a lot of work and time into making it exactly as I wanted ie cosy, welcoming and warm with my own personal stamp. Anyway, love is blind. A wee whiley after I moved in the ugliness of him reared it's head, the words 'power' and 'bullying' took on their full meaning. I was shattered, broken hearted and so angry. Luckily I had some self esteem left (hard won and fiercely protected).

Sorry I am rambling but I feel very strongly, you really touched a nerve here eh! It was the words you wrote 'his house' and 'throw you out' that really got to me, how vulnerable and low do you feel? The threat of being 'thrown out' of 'his house' is so degrading, (with you Sister, not alone remember) HOW DARE HE. Get your name on that rent book/mortgage pronto, I know that doesn't solve anything but will give you some 'power' back for yourself. Hope he doesn't 'down' you in front of his kids thus giving them the feeling of power over you and your Son also!! If this IS the case, oh I am not going to go there.

I'm going to post this without reading back through as if I do I know I will delete it. Again sorry for rambling, really hope I have got the whole thing wrong. Take care of YOU and YOURS.

Lorna xx

[DidItForMe]

why do i feel so alone

Did I read that right? You have NOT been drinking for four weeks? Congratulations Seahorse! That is amazing. Don't discount that. Many of us can't make it one day without alcohol yet and you have done 4 weeks. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. It sounds like a bad situation and for that I am very sorry, but please look at what you have accomplished at the same time. Stay strong sweatheart. Take care of your self and take care of your son too. Come back and tell us how you are doing. 4 weeks is GREAT!!!!

[bestlifeldms]

why do i feel so alone

Dear Seahorse,

I can speak to your situation, with many years of experience! I gave up my family, my home, my business and moved my 3 children several states away to marry my husband who also had custody of his 2 children. Their mother had left them and my ex-husband.

At the time I was approx. 2 1/2 years AF. We did our best to blend our family but I had no idea, sober or drinking, how difficult that job was going to be. It didn't help that I had no support system in this new state and found things in our household and personal situation to be ---Well, let's just say, other than they had been portrayed during the dating phase of our relationship.

Imagine, a step daughter 14, and step son 11, who, like your husband's kids were dealing with their own abandonment issues and my kids - a son 8, and twin boys 5 who pretty much thought I had ruined their lives by moving them to the middle of no-where. You could cut the tension with a knife.

Within 2 1/2 years, I began to drink again. The end of a 5 year AF period. I blamed it on everyone and everything else. For years, whenever my husband expressed concern, I accused him of trying to control me.

I can tell you now, that I wish then, I was, in my thinking, where I am today. I know that every time a drank, I harmed myself and every person in our family. I set a horrible example for the children. Even if they think drinking is cool, at a certain age, and we say we are drinking because we are stressed or mad and we blame someone else, we are not teaching them the correct coping skills.

My husband and I had a power struggle for years, and I now know that the only reason that he kept after me was because he loves me & was worried about my health. It had to break his heart every time I broke my promise that I wouldn't drink again.

I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad. I have been exactly where you are right now and I wish I could go back and do it over and do it better. You have that opportunity! Good for you!!!!

If you decide to try to work on your marriage for a while, without the clouded judgement of alcohol, and it doesn't work, then you will know for sure that you gave it your best effort. If things improve, then even better!

I wish you all the best. :h Keep posting and reading. There are alot of many giving people here to help you.

Hugs, :l

Best

[gypsy girl]

why do i feel so alone

touching a nerve

Oh Seahorse, this really touched a nerve with me too.
Be strong; I was an unhappy marraiage
and I did not know what to do- i felt very very alone, apaprt from my family, trapped with a man who was uncaring, visious and violent. I read a book called "too bad to stay; too good to go" which was briliant and made me really think through what i had to do and what was for the best. Althoguh it was a while later I managed to sort out what was the right thing to do, but the depths of hurt and pain that i went through were ones I never thoguht would happen to me.