what finally made your quit stick?

[NoSugar]

"I also question this whole "only continuous sobriety repairs" which is in complete contradiction to "your last drink is the best it ever will be" and "you start back where you left off".
If the last two statements are true than continuous sobriety does NOT repair. It cannot be both."

Like 2 other problems I have, avoiding the offending agents normalizes the problems - I have no symptoms or clinical signs and so hopefully am avoiding the downstream consequences. However, consuming sugar or gluten causes immediate problems for me, in spite of all the repair that had definitely occurred when I avoided them. I can have better than normal blood sugars for months but send them skyrocketing with a single meal of high crappy carbs. I've not eaten gluten knowingly for 30 years. When I accidently ingest some now, the intestinal consequences are much worse than before. I haven't run the experiment with alcohol. It is easier to avoid entirely, for one thing, and it's not worth it to me to risk re-igniting the addiction.

[Guitarista]

Kuya, it has occurred to me that maybe i could reframe my thinking around my countless 30 day, 60, 90, 4 month regular periods of abstinence and look at my relatively short returns to drinking as being an ok and necessary release valve that i sure shouldn't beat myself up about given relatively lengthy AF time before and after boozefest event. I strongly believe beating ourselves up is harmful and useless as long as we reflect, learn and move on from any experience that worries us, e.g. a short return to boozing.

The difference for me, and the reason i do not reframe my thinking towards, 'a short return to boozing providing i pull up is a good thing', is because each time i have returned to the grog, my judgement is influenced and impaired, and because of my inherent self destructive, to hell with society i'm going to disappear cause i want to be left alone core belief/thinking vibe that is present daily, i can very very easily continue on drinking, and disappear into the abyss, sad to say....happily. So for me at this point, any return to drinking is a game of russian roulette. I don't want to return there because fortunately for me there is more internal demand to live fully and get a few things done before i shuffle off. :happy2:

Hope i've interpreted your thinking correctly.

Yo Pauly!

[NoraC]

I do not want to risk opening that door again. I'm happy where I am. I don't want to rock the boat. I never was able to stop after one day and get back on track. If I take a drink, it won't be for the taste, it will be for the effect.

Pauly - I don't know why this quit has 'stuck' with me. I had hit an extremely low point. I wasn't going to last much longer on that path. I know that I have a few really painful to remember pictures in my head. One is the picture of hubby hitting his head against the door just beside himself because he just didn't know what to do to stop me. I haven't had a drink since then.

With me - I don't actually count the days but I know around where I am. I try to log into roll call daily because it helps me stay focused. That is what has been working for me.:heartbeat:

[NoSugar]

" I do not think the people I am concerned about are drinking huge amounts at all but their sense of failure is demoralising them."

This is why I think a supportive community is essential - to be reminded that no matter what, we all are worthwhile and loved and are not failures. We all need to be loved while we learn to love ourselves again, even when things don't go as we want. All of which gets back to your original point, Pauly, of perhaps leaving or taking a break from MWO. Your many friends here want to help you and remind you that you're worth it and deserve the best life you can possibly have. You're getting there. xx

[Guitarista]

I am not suggesting you 'accept' regular drinking as a lifestyle but, as you say, reframe your thinking as to considering drinking as 'failure'.

You suffer terribly with depression when you drink G... but is that due to the alcohol or due to your thinking about drinking and having 'failed' ?


I cannot answer for you. I simply ask that you stop seeing yourself as a someone who keeps failing to stay sober but as an amazing success story of how a person can pull back from excessive alcohol consumption and achieve healthy sobriety most of the time.

Yep, good valid points taken onboard. I do believe and know i am a success story. I see any return to boozing for me less about failure, but more about frustration. Personal frustration that another few days or week or 2 has been spent getting numb when what i really want at my core is to make many many albums of music which is sorely overdue. My sort of boozing stops me picking up a guitar and weakens me physically, which is also a long term threat to that goal.

Edit: SF. That post is a bit harsh mate.

[treetops]

Spiritfree - we are trying to seriously open a discussion that is primarily to help Pauly and others who may have similar thoughts about "what finally made your quit stick". That is the theme of this thread.
We do not want you to post you horrible posts here. You said some very cruel things about Kuya. I dont always agree with Kuya but I would never sink as low as posting the disgusting things you have said. I also do not wish to engage in discussion at all with you. As far as I am concerned you have nothing of value to offer this thread so please stay away. You have done enough damage.

[NoSugar]

Personal attacks have no place on the forum, SF. It should taken down immediately. I've reported it to the site moderator as bring inappropriate but there's no guarantee that will make a difference. Please delete the post.

[treetops]

NS - I also reported the above post.

[satz123]

Perhaps I should take away the word "encourage" and substitute "suggest". I am simply saddened by the people here who view anything EXCEPT total sobriety as failure.

As you related with carbs NS your reaction to them is extreme, mine is less so. each person is different.

If Pauly keeps battling for 100% abstinence she may succeed or she may repeatedly 'fail' and feel miserable all the time. I would just like if she felt like a success for the amazing amount of sober time she has achieved whilst MWO.

In my eyes she is an heroic success story, taking into account the lack of support at home and the pressure of a vegas lifestyle.

:welldone:

[satz123]

Kuya, it has occurred to me that maybe i could reframe my thinking around my countless 30 day, 60, 90, 4 month regular periods of abstinence and look at my relatively short returns to drinking as being an ok and necessary release valve that i sure shouldn't beat myself up about given relatively lengthy AF time before and after boozefest event. I strongly believe beating ourselves up is harmful and useless as long as we reflect, learn and move on from any experience that worries us, e.g. a short return to boozing.

The difference for me, and the reason i do not reframe my thinking towards, 'a short return to boozing providing i pull up is a good thing', is because each time i have returned to the grog, my judgement is influenced and impaired, and because of my inherent self destructive, to hell with society i'm going to disappear cause i want to be left alone core belief/thinking vibe that is present daily, i can very very easily continue on drinking, and disappear into the abyss, sad to say....happily. So for me at this point, any return to drinking is a game of russian roulette. I don't want to return there because fortunately for me there is more internal demand to live fully and get a few things done before i shuffle off. :happy2:

Hope i've interpreted your thinking correctly.

Yo Pauly!

:welldone:

[Guitarista]

:welldone:

:llama:

[Guitarista]

Yep, i agree. We don't have to drink. It's just a substance that can be used or ignored. Focusing on what we don't want can bring it front and centre.

We don't have to do anything. I am stillness, allowing everything to be.

[actiongirl46]

This thread has been very helpful to me . . . thank you.

[NoSugar]

I'm glad you were able to see the good stuff that kind of got buried for awhile, AG.

Anyone who has had the courage to look at themselves honestly, recognize they want to make a change in their lives, risk exposing themselves publicly even if anonymously, ask for help, and be willing to make mistakes should be proud of themselves, in my opinion. It is much easier to act like everything is fine, hide mistakes and insecurities, and just live with the crushing disconnect between perception and reality. I should know - I did it for years. No one who is still trying to make the change they want is failing - and they should be proud of themselves for that.

“Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it is not yet the end”....... Patel, Hotel Manager, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”

[lex]

I do not want to risk opening that door again. I'm happy where I am. I don't want to rock the boat. I never was able to stop after one day and get back on track. ...

NoraC- Amen!

I was sober and happy for 15 months. Then I decided to imbibe just for one night, at a reunion of my hard-drinking old fraternity brothers. I ended up black-out drunk so who knows whether I even had fun at it (I rarely used to black out so not sure what that was all about).

Long story short, it was ten months--and 20 pounds--before I finally could make a quit "stick" again. So now I'm 13 months into the new quit and yes I learned my lesson.

Another thing I know about myself is that I have no desire whatsoever to try to drink an amount that normal people would call "moderate"- say, 7-14 beers a week. No way. If I am going to drink, I am going to drink the amount that satisfies me: about 3-5 beers every evening, so maybe 30 beers a week (um, with the occasional wife-unappreciated 15-beer blowout bonus night thrown in). That is the only way I now how to drink, and the only way I would ever want to drink. So I know that if I choose to go back to drinking, I will go right back to the levels. Now, those levels may not end with me "dead or insane," as they like to say in AA; but those levels will end with me fat, tired and unhappy. So for now, each day, with the help of MWO, I say "NO THANKS"!

Thanks for letting me share :happy2: