Been Around...

[briseus]

So...there are some of you that know me. I have gotten a few alcohol free days under my belt but I am still struggling. I seem to be going in circles...I have been absent from the site as I have just recently moved and it took weeks to get everything moved out and unpacked...this coupled with drinking and arguments with the boyfriend hasn't helped.
We got into another fight yet again about his family and I went to bed early, thinking to myself that something needs to change. That I can't let him put his family before me all the time...but then I realize that I am only doing this to myself. That I am the drunken mess that always picks fights and I am beginning to seriously push him away and we just moved in together. I woke up, once again, beating myself up for drinking...feeling hungover and sick.
How can I be so stupid and keep doing this to myself? Why can't a freakin switch just go off one day??? I read the thread on how some peoples quit just stuck and why isn't it sticking for me? I looked in the mirror today and I thought to myself, I am now 27 and have wasted the last 4 years on booze. And I have gotten nowhere...my days, weeks, months, YEARS are a huge blur...all I do is drink and feel sorry for myself and it is sickening and sad.

Once everything settles again I may consider counselling. I also need to go back to my books and read everything and stay CLOSE to this site as it has helped me in the past.
I am slowly killing myself and am allowing it to happen...and if I keep on doing this then I really will be alone as my boyfriend of 6 years will pack up and leave.

So here is to starting again.
And I really hope it sticks.

Bri

[K9Lover]

Been Around...

Hi Bri!

I am so glad to hear from you! I know exactly how you feel. I was doing the same thing at 27...but please don't be like me and drag it out another 10 years, it only gets worse. You pretty much answered this question, but what did drinking accomplish for you last night? It probably made the fight worse and made you physically ill today. So....for a buzz that lasted probably one hour tops, you are paying dearly for it today. Worth it? I'm sure we all know the answer to that.

Of course ALL of us alcoholics want to immediately reach for the AL when things get hard. It's what we've done for YEARS and our brain is conditioned to think that it's the only answer. But it's not! Alcohol never solved any problems, but you can be sure it caused many.

You've got to get a plan or this cycle will continue. Next time (and there WILL be a next time), what can you do instead of drink? Go to a movie! Step out of the situation. Then plan for the next time. Keep repeating until your first thought is not to drink, but rather to do something else.

Stick close to us too...I know every time I went back to drinking I distanced myself from here because I didn't want to read what I knew was the truth.

We're here for you!!!

Love,
K9

[briseus]

Been Around...

Hey K9,
You are right...I only made the fight worse and it was the stupidest argument ever as well...I remember falling asleep thinking to myself that I needed just a little bit more wine - I am such a dope!!
And you are right, I never wanted to read the truth...I need to read it. Or I will keep on doing this. I do need to get a plan into place or this is only going to get worse. I am even behind on school because instead I just go home and drink. How depressing and awful and my parents wouldn't be proud!! I might even need an extension.
It's funny how I can go all day without drinking, but as soon as I get home, I feel like I "need" wine...when I really don't. I am fine all day, so what's the deal!? I have conditioned my brain into thinking I need it - like you said.

This is so depressing. I need a plan of action...

Ps. It is good to hear from you again!!!

[K9Lover]

Been Around...

Nights were my drinking time too. In fact the ONLY place I ever drank was at home. I am way too cheap to buy alcohol at a restaurant or anyplace else!

The first thing I did was rearrange my living room. I had to change my drinking "spot" and let my brain know "we don't drink here anymore!"

Secondly, I stayed AWAY from my drinking spot for at least a week. I went to Walmart, went to the movies, the library, the dog park, got a manicure...anything to mess up my normal 5:30pm "I think I'll crack a beer" habit! Then...straight to bed when I got home...I don't care if the sun was still up...anything to get the day done. Tossing and turning in bed with insomnia is still WAY better than waking up at 3am with anxiety, guilt, remorse and shame...right?

Sooo....are you starting today? If so, how can we help you get a plan worked out?

[briseus]

Been Around...

My plan is to start today...I think I may already have a plan in place as I am staying at work late because I don't have a ride until my boyfriend is done work.
As it will be late then I will have to make dinner quickly...and then probably go to bed.
Why is this so hard though? I wish something would just click - like when I used to smoke and was able to just quit with no problems.
And yes, I am way too cheap to buy liquor at restaurants too so I always drink at home. I thought it would be different in the new place but it seems like I want to drink MORE here...
I also don't have the money for it so don't know what I am doing!
But you are right, anything to get the day done. Like I had done in the past.

[Unwasted]

Been Around...

Bri, I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're struggling. It's hard, but K9 has really given you some great advice. Also, I think counseling is a good idea in that it helps us uncover what underlying issue it is that is making us drink. I'm going to someone on the 11th, which I've never done before. I'll try to remember to let you know how that goes.

Best to you,
UN:l

[Nelz]

Been Around...

Well, you keep coming back and trying.....that says something about your desire to quit. Just because it didnt stick the last few times, doesnt mean it wont in the near future. Save one or two people on here, it took all of us MANY times.

It will be the battle of your life, but it will make your life soooooooooo much better when you are able to tell AL to go take a flying leap!


Small goals...I know you've heard it before but REALLY concentrate on the 1,7, and 30 days. They do get easier the longer you keep not drinking. It may sound too hard to believe but your thoughts/cravings will start to slow down soon enough, and become manageable.

All the other stuff hapening is just "life" and "life" isnt fixed by picking up that first drink. I hope that doesnt come across as crass, its not meant to be. A clear head is just better able to handle "life"


Wishing you all the strength needed to win!

[briseus]

Been Around...

Unwasted, please do let me know how your appointment goes. I hope well. I have gone to counselling in the past and it somewhat helped. My only problem is that I can't really get out of work to go to these appointments. Which is unfortunate. I might have to work something out though.

Nelz, yes, I do keep coming back and waking up every morning and saying to myself "I really need to stop". I know it will be the battle of my life...I guess sometimes I just think to myself "I don't want to keep struggling with the cravings for the rest of my life" and that "drinking would be easier" but I know is that stupid voice; alcohol, that is saying this.
I think you are right as well that I should work on smaller goals and not look at the whole big huge picture. One day at a time, right?

I was hoping to not drink Friday...I actually had a surprise birthday party that night and there was lots of alcohol...I didn't go ballistic though, which is a start...another birthday party on Saturday night...I need to focus on today now though and stick close to here. Vent away and everything.
Thanks so much everyone for the awesome advice. And yes...I will be staying close here from now on...the last few times I kept disappearing...but I will stay close, even if it's just rambling or reading the forums.

Another day...

Bri

[bcp2013]

Been Around...

Hi breaks,well l just talked to my husband this weekend and he said a few times he wanted to leave,cause l for one would be argumentative and than the next morning be like ho him,like l did nothing.l was surprised that he thought that way,he is amazing and put up with me for a long time,we are married 25 yrs this month and Lt would of been tragic if he would of left because my stupidity when l drank. So please quit,eat lots of good food,will take away your cravings,your boyfriend will be great support LM sure,so do your self a favor and get rid of the devil,monkey on your back. You are worth it girl,don't wait till it's to late,check out you tube ,what happens when you drink too much,big eye opener.all the best today,remember you are worth getting g sober for!!!

[bcp2013]

Been Around...

Meant briseus

[bcp2013]

Been Around...

Sorry for spelling ,l have this tablet that corrects spelling,which makes it look like mistakes

[NoSugar]

Been Around...

bcp2013;1514812 wrote: Sorry for spelling ,l have this tablet that corrects spelling,which makes it look like mistakes

Hi, bcp -- that autocorrect can be annoying, can't it? If you go into your settings, you should be able to turn it OFF .