The hardest part...

[scottishman]

... is living sober with the memories of the things i have done drunk.


:l

[FlyAway]

The hardest part...

You can't live in the past, but you can control every thing that you do from this day forward. :l

[scottishman]

The hardest part...

I know what you mean, i believe that in life we control very little and in the end we lose it all anyway, but i take your point about my actions, thank you

[Guitarista]

The hardest part...

scottishman;1513535 wrote: ... is living sober with the memories of the things i have done drunk.

Yes, I know Scottishman. I hope you're doing/have done what you can to make peace with your past friend. For me, it's important at least that I try. It may not always be possible to smooth over past events, but i can try to, and then i let it be.

scottishman;1513539 wrote: i believe that in life we control very little

Maybe, but we CAN control how we respond to life.

Take care of yourself. Best wishes on your journey.

G bloke.

[lizker]

The hardest part...

Totally relate. Seems like the consequences of our action during those moments live on long after we stop drinking as people never seem to forget nor do they let you forget what you don't remember doing years or months ago.

[Juja]

The hardest part...

scottishman;1513535 wrote: ... is living sober with the memories of the things i have done drunk.
:l

Why bother thinking about it, my man? Make the amends you can, and move on.

Last weekend, an acquaintance mentioned that he knew I could party, as he'd seen me. At first I cringed, and then decided, screw it. Why concern myself with what's in the past?

[kuya]

The hardest part...

Scottishman........good to see you BTW, you have been missed.

Many years ago I was going through a hellish time, thought I would break down physically and emotionally. I had made some VERY bad decisions.

One night I had this super intense dream, in it I was a piece on a board game of snakes and ladders. So I keep moving on the board, up the ladders, down the snakes, getting more and more frustrated.

Eventually it hit me in the dream, IT WAS JUST A GAME. As I woke I was struck by the meaning and value......life is just like that. Your drinking, my drinking, was a bloody long snake. As we slid down it we may have caused some damage but we got sober and we are still in the game.

Be kind to yourself, you entered the game of life as an innocent child, rolled the dice and hit the snake. Others hit THEIR snake at different times and in different ways......some are bloody lucky and get round the board pretty easy......but it is just luck ( and the odd person has loaded dice ! :H).

Get fully back in the game, forgive yourself for being human and make the world better for being a sober HAPPY you. :l:l

[jenniech]

The hardest part...

the hardest part for me is simply NOT REMEMBERING
Not remembering people that I have met...seeing them again and acting like we are friends....
In the old days, waking up with someone next to me and not remembering how they got there.
the list goes on and on.
HOWEVER, although i reflect on the past and try to learn from it, I don't dwell...what is the point? I simply move forward and appreciate where I am right now.

We all do things we regret...
make amends where you can and try to forgive yourself.
I am sorry you are having a bad time with your memories.....
I am really glad you are here and posting about it!! It certainly helps me

[Kradle123]

The hardest part...

scottishman;1513535 wrote: ... is living sober with the memories of the things i have done drunk.


:l

This has ALWAYS been my biggest stumbling block, Scotty. Sometimes it seems the further I get from AL the clearer all those awful memories become and one of them can just pop up anytime, anywhere like a big jack in the box in my head...completely paralyzing me for time.

The most helpful antidote for those moments for me has truly been to turn my mind to MWO and think about the people here who are in the exact same boat as myself. They have seen and done so many of the same things I hate myself for but I think they are all wonderful people: funny, strong, some almost rock star status!! And yet they know Exactly what I am talking about when I tell my story or speak my mind...

That is my strongest weapon in my arsenal so far to fight the Dragon of Memory...
Stay close. :l
I miss the banter with you and K9. You two could go on the road with some of your ping pong posts! :H

:h

[mama bear]

The hardest part...

I was telling my therapist the other day that I was "always the good girl" and that I didn;t know what had happened.
She told me I was still "a good girl"...that made me feel so much better
maybe that will help....
huugs

[JackDanielsGirl]

The hardest part...

Hi scottishman,

Living with mistakes is just a part of life. The only thing we can do is try not to repeat those mistakes and learn from them.

We are our own toughest critic, so don't be so hard on yourself. I am sure we have all done the same or worse.

Kuya - great post, you are always so inspirational.
JDG

[Siren136]

The hardest part...

Sometimes in my krav maga class we spar with our partners. I'm not very good, so I'm constantly thinking about what I should be doing and looking for openings like we're taught to do. Sometimes I mess up and get hit because I didn't have my hands up or didn't do the proper defense. If I take the time while the fight is still going on to stress about what I did wrong and why I got hit, I'm not going to be concentrating on the next punch or kick that is coming. I need to shake it off and focus on NOW to make sure I don't get hit again.

Getting sober is like that. In the early days, don't think about the past or the future. Shake it off. Get through the day, hour, minute AF any way you can.

[pixie]

The hardest part...

Lots of good advice here. I find it helps to remind myself that:

1. What I did while drunk was not me. While I need to own it, take responsibility for it, etc., if it's not something I would do sober, then it's not a part of who I am. Stay sober and I never have to own those actions again.

2. I'm not alone. As Kradle said, MWO is a great place to connect with people in the same boat. Many great role models and inspirations to be had here. And if you need a reminder that you're not the only one, the thread "You know you're an alcoholic when..." is a good read (for a laugh and a cry).

Take care

[Byrdlady]

The hardest part...

I agree with everyone here. It IS part of the process of getting sober. Which also coincides with the 5 stages of grief. After all, we are grieving the loss of this relationship with AL. I imagine you are in the next to the last stage, which is depression. The good news? The last and final stage is acceptance, and I'm here to tell you, this is the stage you've been waiting for. Everything falls into it's proper place...the past goes in the past...the present is where it should be and the future is totally full of hope and joy. When I was grieving over my past, someone said to me, (I think it was Turnagain) paYou can't step into the future carrying all the burdens of the past. For some reason that resonated with me...I put aside that burden and carried forward. Stay the course and it will get better, as I say, it is part of this whole big process of recovery. It's not all pretty, but very necessary. All the best, Byrdie

[scottishman]

The hardest part...

such wise words here, as ever, thank you

its a sunny saturday and the mind turns to getting pissed , its like a lifelong phantom that refuses to die, a life or death struggle, and some silly part of me keeps trying to talk me into the dark side, the circus of the madness of socialising drunk.

I know where it ends, misery and shame, i guess the thing about being an ex alky is that we become aware we are a "divided self".