My potential way out - MPWO

[hiddengoal]

My potential way out - MPWO

Persephone1;1525991 wrote: ... I wanted to revive that near drowned girl more than I wanted to keep soaking/floating/consuming the abyss. And I LOVED the abyss. I miss it. I do. But, the core of mySelf was getting more and more eroded with each day. Then each year. Until I was just a vague memory of myself. It wasn't worth it anymore. And I have days where I think, yep ~ I can now moderate. Bullshit. I couldn't then and the gauge is broken, for good. This irritates the shit outta me, but it's my fact. And so here I am, amongst others who understand and make me feel ok as I am.

This is very clear to me...thanks P

Its a mind game we have to decide how to play, rather than be played

Hidden

[JakeC]

My potential way out - MPWO

P L and C

Thank you for your support.

[JakeC]

My potential way out - MPWO

Sorry

[Bella]

My potential way out - MPWO

Hi jake. Stick with mwo. I have only just come back here after a long time away. I find it helps me to read all the posts. There r so many of us who struggle but the bravery and courage i see here astounds me. Bella xx

[Unwasted]

My potential way out - MPWO

Jake, just wanted to say hi. Are you ok?

UN:l

[Finnean]

My potential way out - MPWO

Hi Jake,
Like you, I'm new here too. But I do have some experience with sobriety also. For an alchoholic, not drinking (sobriety) beats drinking a thousand times over. Unfortunately, for an alcoholic, there is no 'moderation' (IMO). Either the throttle is wide open, or we practice complete abstinence from alcohol. Right now, I'm an alcoholic who is drinking, and have been for the last 5 years. Prior to that I was sober (in AA) for 32 years. And before that I was an out of control drunk.

It is like there are two of me; Finnean, and Finnean the alcohol fiend. We have conversations about drinking all the time. Finnean decides that the health and legal consequences of drinking are not worth continuing, and he will have to stop before it kills him. So Finnean (being the experienced drinker that he is) decides to 'taper off'. He will reduce his alcohol consumption of 8+oz of 100% vodka by 1/2 oz per day. He buys an accurate measuring cup, fills his half pint bottle at the office with 8 oz and proceeds home, where there is no other alcohol. Day 2, Finnean, still meaning well, carefully measures out 7 1/2 oz goes home and drinks that. Day 3, Finnean actully limits his alcohol intake to 7 oz. Day 4, Finnean, now well on his way to sobriety, and in a celebratory mood, fills the pint bottle to the very top. Finnean the Fiend approves, after all it's time for a reward.

And that's the way it goes and will continue until the the end of time (or my early death, whichever comes first). It's just the nature of the beast. This addiction is beyond explanation or comprehension; we're not in a situation we can think or analyze our way out of. No amount of 'understanding' of our plight will move us one iota closer to a solution..

Fortunately, there are other ways-OUT. You'll find help and signposts to solutions on this board. Pick one and commit yourself to it. My path is The Sinclair Method. I'm on day 2. We'll see.

[JakeC]

My potential way out - MPWO

I don't know what to say!

Thank you, I suppose... Maybe fuck you?

No... Fuck me.

This is hard and I don't have a good story to tell you. This just sucks

[JakeC]

My potential way out - MPWO

Sorry

[JakeC]

My potential way out - MPWO

Bella - thanks for your concern. I am OK. Doing fine.

Oddly enough, I seem to come here after I have had a few drinks; instead of leveraging this as a preventative measure. I guess this is my own way out...

So what to say

I guess I am fairly pleased with my progress. As I mentioned in previous posts, I was a daily drinker. Now I choose not to drink more days than I choose to drink. Over the last month it has been about 4 days not drinking to 3 days drinking per week. Not traditional success, but I will take it as an interim step

I felt bad seeing some posts/emails asking after me and my not responding. I apologize, but I have a demanding schedule and it is hard to make time. That, and truth be told, it was easier for me to use that excuse with myself to avoid responding.

Thank you for your concern.

I am making progress.

[JakeC]

My potential way out - MPWO

Looked for "Heart of Addiction" at Barnes and Nobles - couldn't find it

[JakeC]

My potential way out - MPWO

I know there was another thread; but I'd rather continue this one.

It is late for me and I have been drinking. Actually I feel quite fine. Obviously not in a holistic, long term way. But I am relaxed, at some modicum of peace,and nearly ready to try to go to sleep. Insomnia sucks!

Insomnia has driven much of my current situation.

It's not accurate to assign insomnia as the sole root cause, but it is a persistent issue.

[Unwasted]

My potential way out - MPWO

Jake I have insomnia issues that are dramatically worsened by drinking. Now, when things are calm in my life and I don't drink, I sleep extremely well. If I have something big happening I might have a bad night here and there, but my sleep corrects the next night.

Wishing you luck on your journey. I agree that each if us has to figure out what works for us. It sounds like you're making progress! I always found that I ended up working back up to drinking levels that were problematic for me, though.

Best to you!

[K9Lover]

My potential way out - MPWO

Hi Jake, I just wanted to welcome you and see how you are doing. I hope you are well...please keep posting.

Welcome back Bella!