Why is this so hard?

[Guest]

I look out at so many people and think to myself "I bet they don't have a problem with alcohol". All these mom's picking up their kids, running back and forth doing everything and I wonder 'why me, who do I have to be the one.'? It makes me feel so inadequate and weak to let this rule my life. I mean, it's just alcohol! Why do I need to have it? I shouldn't. Not really. My life is not bad, I have a pretty good life. I have wonderful parents, a loving husband and a beautiful daughter. I don't have to worry about money as my husband has a great job. Sure, I'm here all alone (pretty much) away from all my family in a foreign country and I do find myself lonely a lot.. but still.

I just want to be 'normal' again. I don't want to have to have a drink in my hand all the time. I'm so tired of drinking, am I doing it now of out habit? I know it's addictive, but I am just so tired of it. I want to be able to be getting back to enjoying a good cup of coffee or tea, or something. I'm feeling so exhausted lately... :flush:

[Popeye]

Why is this so hard?

Hi GG,
I think you just asked the hardest question there is for the likes of us.

Being lonely in a foreign country can't be easy.

Go and make yourself a nice cup of tea. You deserve it.:l

[julie001]

Why is this so hard?

Exhaused feels like the norm these days. I don't understand why I can't feel "normal" like other people either. All through my twenties and half way through my thirties I felt relatively normal. But for the past 6-7 years there has been no normal. Since then my life has been controlled by alcohol. I attribute a lot of it to boredom--especially in my life these last few years. Before...yes. I drank on the weekends. Then it was just a fun weekend with a slight hangover that I slept off and then lived through the rest of my day...not overthinking it at all. Now I am trying to figure out how to get back to my life before alcohol compulsion. Before I could drink on the weekend when it did not control me. The controlling factor of alcohol snuck up on me. I am determined to let go obsessiveness in regards to drinking.

Julie

[Guest]

Why is this so hard?

Thanks Popeye and Julie,

I wish my husband was here, he is off on business. I could use one of his good hugs right now.

I wonder too; where down the road did this turn from fun drinks to having to have it. I remember the days of turning down a turn at the pub with my friends so I could go to the gym and work out. Going scuba diving after work and on weekends with only a couple beer afterwards and that was it; just sitting there in our chairs looking at the ocean after a good dive.

[Wattle]

Why is this so hard?

Hi GG......

I'll have to do for now...:huggy

Wattle

[Guest]

Why is this so hard?

Thanks Wattle, you are too sweet.
xoxo

[Arial]

Why is this so hard?

Hi GG,

Someone else in France! - Nice to see you here (apart from the fact that it means you're battling the same problem as the rest of us!) it is hard, being that island surrounded by foreign-speaking people - being here but not 'belonging'. I've been here five years now and have found that joining English-speaking groups has helped ease the loneliness as it doesn't matter how well you speak the language it's always nice to have a good natter in English over a cup of tea!

You're right - this existance is tiring, exhausting - mentally and physically - Physically as you feel like crap all the time, but mentally because of the constant battle, the negotiating, the wanting not to take that first drink, the internal battle and constantly losing, the counting time before getting home to 'relax', the hiding it from my girls...

That's why I've had to go AF for a while at least - it takes all the choice away, the decision-making, the constant internal conversations I had with myself. It's such a relief - I now feel I have a fighting chance whereas before I knew I'd lost before I got to lunchtime. I'm also finding that those activities you mention - going to the gym, working out, scuba diving (can't do that here, but hiking, cycling..) are all helping give a different perspective and bolster my energy.

Anyway, hope your husband's back soon to give that much-needed hug (despite Wattle's best efforts! ) and life starts to become less tiring (or trying) as you find your way forward with this.

Take care,

[Cashregister]

Why is this so hard?

I always used to look at other people (especially other mothers - I have an 8 year old - Sophie) and think "I wish i could be normal like them". After 50 days AF I know they all have their problems too - and that life is up and down for everyone - it's just easier to cope if you are sober and healthy. It really is, believe me.

Good luck on your journey, you will be just fine cause you know where you want to be. When you get there you will wonder why you were ever anywhere else

Lotsa love

Cashy

[Guest]

Why is this so hard?

Cashy and Arial,

You two are wonderful. I've been absorbing my day with cleaning the apartment and everything else that comes along with it. Lots of fun! But, my daughters room is super clean now. I know why I drink (I think)..I just don't want to love it this much. I wonder how many years I took of my life now with this..I want too see her grow up and possibly see some grandchildren one day.. I don't want to knock off 15 years because of this. I need a vacation!!!

[Theo]

Why is this so hard?

GG;116569 wrote: Going scuba diving after work and on weekends with only a couple beer afterwards and that was it; just sitting there in our chairs looking at the ocean after a good dive.

Scuba diving is what keeps me sane. Since I can't drink before a dive, and I usually do many days in a row, it was always a way for me not to drink for a reason. It's easy for me when there is a reason not to drink. Start diving again.

[nancy]

Why is this so hard?

normal drinking

this book i am reading at the moment suggests that the reason it is so hard to quit is that people think that they will be miserable without drink, it isn't the drink itself.

i wonder if this is true?

it also questions our envy of "normal drinkers". Rather, it points out that alcohol is a drug and those who indulge risk becoming dependent. It suggests the problem is mainly in the drug itself (like with cigarettes or heroin), not necessarily in those of us who think we are in the minority of people not able to deal with it due to some flaw in ourselves. The degree of dependency is the thing that is different. i wonder if these things are true? it is making me think a lot. because maybe the author is right, that it is this feeling that we have some sort of flaw and can't drink that makes it so hard to quit-- the forbidden fruit syndrome. is it more of a mental addiction that everyone risks by taking a drug?

could that explain why people can drink for a while then later become dependent?

food for thought anyway.

[aquamarine]

Why is this so hard?

GG- I know how you are feeling. So many times I've looked at other mothers and thought
why can't I just be normal and not plaqued with this problem. What is wrong with me. And then none of them know about my problem and what would they think if they did. But you know it is so true that everyone has their problems. You get to know people and realize that they are dealing with things you had no idea. It must be hard for you to be so isolated though. This problem can make you feel so isolated anyway. But-you can beat this. Keep trying and keeping your goal in mind. Although I have not overcome this as of yet I really do believe that it is possible. It's alot harder than I thought it would be but look at all the people who have succeeded - we can all do this. Good Luck and hang in there! Aquamarine

[sammys]

Why is this so hard?

GG I know, I know its hard and in the beginning it does seem unfair. But I feel I am lucky in a way I could have lots of other things wrong, so if this is what I have I must deal with it and try, try, try to change things.

Do not give up it gets better
Sammys

[Lotus]

Why is this so hard?

GG

It can be very hard because drinking becomes a "normal" part of our day to day lives.

I was so tempted to buy wine this weekend and I even picked up a bottle. I saw other people drinking and thought "well if they can drink, so can I. I'm an adult, I work and I deserve it". But what stopped me is that I realised I just walked down the aisle and picked up the cheapest bottle I could find, yet others were studying their choices. It proved to me that I can't be a normal drinker. It showed that I drink just to get drunk. So instead I walked out with a bottle of sparkling grape juice for 97p.

Maybe try to widen you social circle more. My dad and step-mum disowned me 3 years ago and we haven't spoken since. We even walk past each other in the streets as strangers. At first I found it hard to deal with but I have since widened my social circle and my friends mean the world to me. I look forwards to going out with them and when I'm not I just throw myself into cooking new dishes or studying. Do things with you daughter. One day you will look back and realise that alcohol did nothing. Put the money you would spend on alcohol away to one side and treat yourself with it.

[Breez]

Why is this so hard?

You know what....you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Often times you hear on the news "and they were such a happy, normal family".

Yeah, I see these moms that are "born moms". They love the entire concept of it. I have my ups & downs. I love my kids & my family. Only problem is that my brain & genes are different. I have a problem with alcohol. I did not ask to be born this way & just like a person with a disease I have to live with this & I have to rearrange my lifestyle.