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[MossRose]

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3June - I can only hope that one day I get to your level of honesty. I have told a few friends and family members, and they have offered a lot of encouragement. It's not so much that I care what people think at work. I really believe most would be supportive. I work with a great group of folks. But I am afraid that in my field, it could be a career killer. So I can't take the chance.

But I am inspired by your courage. And you are right. The more people I have told, the more accountable I have become.

[Struggles 106]

Facebook

WOW

What kind of culture do we live in when saying that you do not drink could "kill" your career? That is incredibly sad

[Rusty]

Facebook

I'm a Cheesehead too, and live close to Lake Geneva. In fact, I lived there for years.

[MossRose]

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AC, it sure isn't a pretty culture, that's for sure. The only reason I have these concerns is from watching another person at work get pushed out due to a drinking problem that she was struggling to overcome. It was hard for me to watch since I was a heavy closet drinker at the time and had actually reached out to her. She really wanted help and support, but it only took a couple of the "wrong" people to find out and she was doomed. It was all very covert. But I have been over it in my mind a million times, and I'm pretty sure that I'm not just being paranoid. I heard the whispers. It made my heart hurt. The funny thing is that most of my co-workers are wonderful people. They weren't being intentionally mean. They just truly don't get it.

But I'm super cautious on FB as a rule anyway. I just don't seem to like it as much as other people do. So it could just be me. That's why this thread interests me so much. 3June has done something so out of my comfort zone that I am intrigued.

Rusty - Howdy neighbor.

[TheSunFlower]

Facebook

I know a few people who are open about their sobriety on FB. I know they inspire me. I am not at that place though.

[Rusty]

Facebook

Moss-I agree with you. I am not open about my sobriety and how I struggled. The only people I feel safe with are my family and my closest friends who experienced me under the influence. If people in my field knew I had had a drinking problem, I would be so worried that if I had to cancel/reschedule a two-day visit with one of our clients, the first thing they would think would be, "oh, she must have fallen off the wagon. "

The only reason I have these concerns is from watching another person at work get pushed out due to a drinking problem that she was struggling to overcome. It was hard for me to watch since I was a heavy closet drinker at the time and had actually reached out to her. She really wanted help and support, but it only took a couple of the "wrong" people to find out and she was doomed. It was all very covert. But I have been over it in my mind a million times, and I'm pretty sure that I'm not just being paranoid. I heard the whispers. It made my heart hurt. The funny thing is that most of my co-workers are wonderful people. They weren't being intentionally mean. They just truly don't get it.

I feel badly for your friend's experience, and unfortunately, A LOT of employers and co-workers are not empathetic when it comes to AL problems. I am glad I wasn't open about my drinking. What offer that information? My friend coined a phrase 25 years ago and it was being "stupidly honest," i.e. TMI, and TMI that could put the AL person in a terribly vulnerable position if people found out.

[3June2013]

Facebook

I guess it's each to his/her own! By making it public on FB to my friends that I no longer drink I feel more accountable. I don't think everyone has to know about my struggles before I got here, that's my business.

[red67]

Facebook

Rusty;1522907 wrote: Moss-I agree with you. I am not open about my sobriety and how I struggled. The only people I feel safe with are my family and my closest friends who experienced me under the influence. If people in my field knew I had had a drinking problem, I would be so worried that if I had to cancel/reschedule a two-day visit with one of our clients, the first thing they would think would be, "oh, she must have fallen off the wagon. " I feel badly for your friend's experience, and unfortunately, A LOT of employers and co-workers are not empathetic when it comes to AL problems. I am glad I wasn't open about my drinking. What offer that information? My friend coined a phrase 25 years ago and it was being "stupidly honest," i.e. TMI, and TMI that could put the AL person in a terribly vulnerable position if people found out.

I agree but I was never open about my drinking. No one but my family knew about my problems. I am not ashamed of my NOT drinking now though. The only time I do share is when people ask me why I don't drink or if I post a milestone on FB. In my situation I do not think it is TMI to share and no one has ever given me a negative response. I have only encountered positive feedback from both coworkers and family. Ann Carolina is correct. What kind of world is it if I have to be quiet or ashamed of my sobriety? I do have a filter and I know when to say something and when not to. I don't go around preaching about sobriety, I don't care if people drink. After 2 years plus of working on me I am comfortable and proud of who I am.

I know that others my not have the same support I have and that is where we have to learn when to share and when not to.

[red67]

Facebook

3June2013;1522966 wrote: I guess it's each to his/her own! By making it public on FB to my friends that I no longer drink I feel more accountable. I don't think everyone has to know about my struggles before I got here, that's my business.

Exactly! I don't share the ugly details of my drinking days. That's no one's business but mine. Alcoholism runs in my family and I certainly don't want to see anyone go through what I did. If I can share and let people know I got sober maybe I can help someone who may be struggling to know it can be done. It also does keep me accountable too.

[Rusty]

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Red: This is how I feel exactly. Alcoholism runs in my family, too.

I don't share the ugly details of my drinking days. That's no one's business but mine. Alcoholism runs in my family and I certainly don't want to see anyone go through what I did. If I can share and let people know I got sober maybe I can help someone who may be struggling to know it can be done. It also does keep me accountable too.

[red67]

Facebook

Rusty;1523027 wrote: Red: This is how I feel exactly. Alcoholism runs in my family, too.

Sucks doesn't it:upset: Currently my brother is on the path to death or jail with his alcoholism yet he won't admit to any problem. I know I can not fix him and he is a mean stubborn drunk so I have to keep him out of my life until he wants to get help. He knows I am sober and I think he resents me for it. I never shared the details of how I got sober with him but I did tell him I got help and offered to give him details if he wanted. He flat out refused. He has tried to kill himself, is jobless, harasses and threatened his exwife and the list goes on.

[Rusty]

Facebook

Red, OMG!!! We have the same brother!!:upset: I am so glad you can set boundaries for him and live your life. My brother died in his sleep in 2006. 3 marriages, deadbeat dad, theft, fired from jobs, and an undiagnosed sociopath. My mom's three sisters are/were alcoholics. 1 died from complications of alcoholism (bleeding ulcer). Only 1 got sober at the age of 64. My dad's brother was an alcoholic, too but got sober at 60 w/the help of his faith. Quit on his own. 3 stays in rehab, just like my mom's sister. SIGH. I'm glad we found Our Way Out.

[MossRose]

Facebook

Red & Rusty, I know this is going to sound incredible, possibly even improbable, but I too have an end-stage alcoholic brother. Lost his job, his marriage, his sons' love & respect, his driver's license (due to back child support) and finally his health. Three stays in the hospital, twice in a coma, and he still refuses to admit that he's an alcoholic. Won't even admit to having a problem with alcohol at all. My parents are very elderly and have spent decades and a fortune trying to "save" him. As everyone here knows, that's impossible until he owns it, but hope springs eternal for them. He is my only sibling and we were very close once. Now we barely talk. So unfortunate that we all share this common link.

3June - you answered my question before I asked. I wanted to know how much you shared. It sounds like you just started a conversation about living AF. I get it now.

[3June2013]

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moss yes I was discreet. I said I had quit drinking. I didn't talk about why. It's a lifestyle choice as far as they know. Some of my friends would have an idea that I drank socially but no one knew I drank alone most nights at home.

[3June2013]

Facebook

PS out of my 6 brothers one has liver cancer and three others are alcoholics. My father was alcoholic and my mother has a drinking problem. AL has been in all our lives a long time.