arsey: i should get the help, i have mixed feelings on whether i won't get help coz i don't have the balls, or whether i think it's too weak to not do it alone? i always admire other people who do though. weirdness.
Look, I started seeing a counsellor in January for unresolved issues I hadn;t really spoken to anyone about in depth. Which in turns into looking at my self-esteem (very low for many years)... now, 6 months on, i feel currently more centered and more able to look at my present situation/s and towards my future with more hope, and i am getting a better grasp of ME - this is NOT being self-centred... it's so much better than that. I have a grasp of me. I am stronger now than i was in January. I can be and will be better with and towards others (family, colleagues, friends etc). Sure, I am still learning. Have me off days. Get down. Get mad. And cuss to kingdom come. BUT, my grasp of my life, my hold on reality has a clarity it NEVER had when i was drinking. I am stronger now, than i ever was then, even when i feel weak. Because i got to speak to someone about it objectively as they listened and made pointed and bright questions and observations...
So, what i am saying... is it doesn't show weakness AT ALL. If you can speak to someone, do it. We are all each other's tools. You, nor anyone, are gods that can do everything and be omniscient, omnibenevolent and omnipresent. So use us and use pro's who you can go to ...
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