AA meeting gone wrong???

[SKendall]

AA meeting gone wrong???

My experience with AA was not good either. I applaud the people who stay sober through AA, but I couldn't. I never felt such a loser in my whole life. It was cultish and exclusive and I am so thankful that we have this recovery site where we don't have to recite that we are powerless (losers) on a daily basis.

[Saint Jude]

AA meeting gone wrong???

I couln't agree more Skendall. I've had "old timers", try to pick -up on me... The old 13 steppin, BS. I have met some nice folks as well (mostly @ women's mts). But to say I'm helpless & sick... never to heal, to me is like a self-fulfilled prophecy. I see no growth in that.
zwink:
My time is much better spent hiking the coast trails, or on the river enjoying the many blessings life has to offer.

I'm glad AA has helped so many, but I just LOVE this place! It IS SO well named!

I prefer to focus on today, the here & now, and look forward to tomorro. Not wallow in the past.

[trixietrack]

AA meeting gone wrong???

I agree that AA is a sort cult. you are switching from one addiction to another, but this is up to you, and how far along you've come with trying to overcome addiction or dependence.
I can see if a person is miserable and in a weakened state to choose something as dogmatic as AA to help them overcome what they label as "being controlled", "posessed" etc. to me, this reinforces a negative attitude, Like you have no will.

The part that I find negative about AA is that you have to be on your last leg and ready to hit the dumps or be deep in the dumps before getting help. why does a person have to be completely broken to be helped??
Then again when working on improving life, one must try everything that is available until the comfortable little nook we desire is found.
good luck with your choices

[trixietrack]

AA meeting gone wrong???

orange papers

lucky;117382 wrote: AA is a cult. My advice is to stay away. Here is a link for more info:

Orange Papers

All the best,
lucky

this is worth reading thanks for posting it.:new:

[Eve11]

AA meeting gone wrong???

Reply to Dilayne's post

Dilayne
Loved your reply. Very astute! I went to AA years ago and it was a great experience but yes, one has to shop around and find a group that feels right. We had a leader in my group that would kind of bark at new members and scare the daylights out of them but he was a big bear at heart. However, the wrong new person could easily decide to never go back. Interesting story but I ended up quitting because my s.o. didn't like AA. His sister was in recovery and she became addicted to AA. So he discouraged me from attending and slowly but surely I quit going and eventually got the stinkin' thinkin' again..".oh, I can have 1 glass...". So, yes, as someone here also said it...you can trade alcohol addiction for AA addiction.
The bottom line is we all want to find something that works for us and AA may help someone better than this board. So, I would say keep an open mind. I have a friend who absolutely does not like to get up and admit she's an alcoholic/addict. So, I have turned her on to this board - this may be what she needs and not AA. Everyone is different.
So, S. - shop around. If you find a group that fits, look for a mentor - they're big on the 1:1 support that way. Sorry about your friend. He handled the whole thing inappropriately. Just move on and do what you said...find a new friend to help you in your recovery and not someone like him who sounds too critical. Blessings to you

[dilayne]

AA meeting gone wrong???

Thanks Eve,
I just have to say that I do know many wonderful and very productive people that have found great support and fellowship in AA...and that just because some of us chose not to go the AA route, that we need to be careful not to discourage people who are seeking..who knows, they may find exactly what they need. I know that this may come off as a bit contoversial, but if you knew the people that I knew and their experiences with AA, you wouldn't proclaim that your experience was the one to consider...I certainly can't say that, and I'm one that has chosen not to go the AA route....I just think that, just like religion, we all need to find what speaks to us, and if it doesn't speak to us on a personal level, that it might just very well speak to the next fellow or gal, and it might save their life...

ok, I'm getting off my soapbox now...sorry if I've offended anyone.
with love,
dianne

[Eve11]

AA meeting gone wrong???

Hi Dilayne,
If you get a chance read post 20. I think Bridgid worded things better than I did. She made the point I was trying to make easier to understand. Your recent post to me stated something about me proclaiming that my AA experience was the one to consider. I wanted to clarify that I didn't mean my post to sound that way.

I just know that many people will read these posts that aren't members here and they are searching for answers for themselves. I respect the feelings of others who have posted here and have had bad AA experiences and due to that they would never recommend it but AA may be the right answer for some people. As an example AA is more structured than working this board, e.g. you may go to a Tuesday night meeting once a week - and I think some people may need that structure and would find AA works better for them. I just didn't want to fall into the AA bashing and have a searcher read my post and think "I'll never go to AA".

Hope that clarifies things. As for my true feelings about AA & me. After quitting going to AA after 7 years and starting to drink again a couple of years later it has now become apparent to me now that I need help again. For me I don't want to go back to AA. I don't like admitting I'm powerless (as someone posted earlier about that) as you wonder...are you creating a self-fulfilling prophecy? I like to think positive - I journal - I read inspiring books-I believe in positive affirmations. So, I didn't like that part about it and I also didn't like the heavy smokers and coffee drinkers (addiction traders).

However, I loved the support of some of the people and made some fabulous friends. For example, I would just love to meet some of the people posting here but things aren't designed that way so that's the trade-off. I do love the true anomynity here. It is funny how AA proclaims that but it isn't anonymous at all as you announce to a room full of people (who you may very well run into in the real world) that you have a problem. So, good & bad. Read post 23. To sum it up: different strokes for different folks. Peace to everyone.

[nancy]

AA meeting gone wrong???

I agree with those comments, even though I don't like AA. I have a relative who is in the program and decided that all problem drinkers should quit too. he is constantly telling me i am in denial, which I am not, and that i have an incurable disease. but i told this to a therapist and she said it sounds like he is not comfortable with his own sobriety and that AA teaches you to focus on your own problems, not to save everyone else. Still it appears that some people take the teachings too far and it feels coercive.

HE needs the structure. I find him insufferable now but he is the only one who has actually been able to quit and has had no problems with booze since he joined.

Those of us who take a moderation path, less strict, will have less dogma but perhaps more mistakes, including some that could be life-threatening.

One thing I noticed while attending meetings, they tell you to take what helps you and ignore the rest. So i imagine you could ignore the powerlessness bit and also the higher power bit and focus on the relationships and good humor, I hear people have a lot of laughs at some meetings. Also there are dramatic differences between meetings so I hear you have to shop around.

For me, the lack of anonymity and the issue of people calling me to support me feels way too invasive. also, i don't think I can accept the bits that work and ignore the rest, to me it feels intellectually dishonest.

[chrysa]

AA meeting gone wrong???

Interesting dear shitzu,
Your friend does sound like he is totally inthe "ult" as lucky puts it. I drove my daughter & here young friends to AA meetings for 2 years and attended some. For many it becomes another addiction, but of course that is beter than drugs or alcohol. But I believe they do not heal, as Jude put it. They are stuck in the unhealthy, disease forever syndrome. And it is depressing. I think that attitude goes along withthe unhealthy environmentof the meetings -- smoking, coffee, sweets.

Healing is possible!!!!! I have witnessed it first hand in my daughter & one or two of her friends who stepped away from it. I think that those that step away are thinking type people.

And here at MWO we have obviously witnessed healing.

[chrysa]

AA meeting gone wrong???

sorry re typos

[chrysa]

AA meeting gone wrong???

Wait, wait !!! I do think AA is fantastic for those with advanced, serious addiction, first trying to get sober. The first few months, yrs, whatever are extremely helpful for getting through such a big transition. I think it is good for those coming out of rehab, or jsut stopping due to severity.

It is the getting stuck in the long term non-healing that I was referring to.

It was important for my daughter....but she was able to grow through it!!

[landsharkman]

AA meeting gone wrong???

I also have been to a few meetings during my last "abstinence" phase. While there are a few pro's, there were a few con's. There are people with the same problems as you, some ready to share, me not-so-much. I did feel pressure to tell the story and like another post earlier (sorry forgot to get your name) I was not ready to confess in front of others that I was an alcoholic. I thought that I needed to be truly convinced within myself that I was before saying it to a group and that I would have been lying had I done so. I could not get passed that.

Other than that, I did gather a few things that were (somewhat) helpful, but in the end I decided not to continue.

As others have said it depends upon your personality, your "spiritual" place and the others in the group. Like everything, different strokes for different folks.

Landsharkman ...

[tea]

AA meeting gone wrong???

I found that there seemed to be a competition going on such as 'oh i've spilt more that you've ever drank', 'oh I've licked more off my bootlaces than you have ever drank' something like who is the most alcoholic competition. NOT for me defo, I drink how I drink and that is a problem, I find it easy to say that I AM an alocholic, just because I AM one. It doesn't help anyone to say how much more someone else drinks in comparison, this only, in my case anyway, made me think that maybe I wasn't !!!. This is why this site is soooooo special. The genuine feelings and support, the folks who you can tell just KNOW what you are going through, I could go on and on. This is the place for me - without any doubt whatsoever.

Lorna

[Eliziby]

AA meeting gone wrong???

AA, or some of them that is, might be a good thing for some, but for me, a clauset drinker (when I drink) I could never stand up in front of them and open up to strangers about my drinking. That's why I chose to join this group. The help and encouragement you get here is pretty much the same and it's a lot easier to open up and be honest when you're not looking into the faces of an audience. The one on one part is good, but you can get that here too by using pm, chat, and email. We can truly be Anonamous at this site, and I like that. Liz