like a light bulb going on

[Bella]

Hi. Not sure if this is the right place to put this post but hope its ok. I just needed to write this down and hope its not too boring to read. I went to see my therapist wed nite..5th time. Was feeling like i was getting nowhere as cant talk to him coz of panic attacks and embaressment. The previous session id managed to splutter out that i was sexually abused by my brother and witnessed abuse towards my mother and that my marriage is s***.This therapist is amazing. He told me how we can sometimes get stuck in a "child like" state because of past traumas..it has dawned on me that this is me all my life. i have had to use survival tools to get me thru. Ive used alcohol drugs self harm bulimia to escape my past. Ive sought out relationships where the other person ie the adult can look after me..i was neglected as a child and used to spend my days under the dining room table to get away frm the violence. As ive grownup ive never moved forward...almost stayed hiding but used alcohol to do that. Im finally making sense of my past and present life and WHY i am like i am. I am under confident lack self worth etc.. Its a euphoric feeling understanding myself more. Therapy is great. Im day 5 now of not drinking. I dont even feel like getting smashed. How bizarre! I feel like im being "the adult" that i know i am..im frigging 44 for crying out loud!! The time has finally come to take charge of me.

I hope that this mite help others out there who hide behind the drink. Get to the root of WHY you drink and maybe just maybe you might see things in a different light. Im very aware that i must not get ahead of myself. Im an alcoholic binge drinker. I always will be but i want to fiind a healthy tool to rid me of my demons. Therapy is helping. I recommend it.

Thanks for listening. No need to reply..just needed to get this out.
All the bsst.
Bella xxxx

[Quest for the key]

like a light bulb going on

Bella;1531277 wrote: Hi. Not sure if this is the right place to put this post but hope its ok. I just needed to write this down and hope its not too boring to read. I went to see my therapist wed nite..5th time. Was feeling like i was getting nowhere as cant talk to him coz of panic attacks and embaressment. The previous session id managed to splutter out that i was sexually abused by my brother and witnessed abuse towards my mother and that my marriage is s***.This therapist is amazing. He told me how we can sometimes get stuck in a "child like" state because of past traumas..it has dawned on me that this is me all my life. i have had to use survival tools to get me thru. Ive used alcohol drugs self harm bulimia to escape my past. Ive sought out relationships where the other person ie the adult can look after me..i was neglected as a child and used to spend my days under the dining room table to get away frm the violence. As ive grownup ive never moved forward...almost stayed hiding but used alcohol to do that. Im finally making sense of my past and present life and WHY i am like i am. I am under confident lack self worth etc.. Its a euphoric feeling understanding myself more. Therapy is great. Im day 5 now of not drinking. I dont even feel like getting smashed. How bizarre! I feel like im being "the adult" that i know i am..im frigging 44 for crying out loud!! The time has finally come to take charge of me.

I hope that this mite help others out there who hide behind the drink. Get to the root of WHY you drink and maybe just maybe you might see things in a different light. Im very aware that i must not get ahead of myself. Im an alcoholic binge drinker. I always will be but i want to fiind a healthy tool to rid me of my demons. Therapy is helping. I recommend it.

Thanks for listening. No need to reply..just needed to get this out.
All the bsst.
Bella xxxx

Wow Bella - just wow !!!

Thanks for posting this - made me think..............

I'm 42 and still a child - I have a very responsible job, am married to a wonderful man, and have 4 lovely sons - I have it "all" - but I'm still a child. I'd rather not face things, I choose to not think about things and smother them with alcohol. There are various issues I need to face, but still...........

Anyway, thanks again :l:l

[3June2013]

like a light bulb going on

Bella I am so happy you are getting more comfortable with yor therapist. And better still that he is able to help you to understand yourself. I think when we are young and don't have the tools to cope with horrible things happening in our lives we find an escape. AL then becomes our saviour. As we mature we start to peel away the armour and look at the damage inside. We need AL to be out of the picture so that we can see clearly. You are very brave. Thanks for posting, it will help others.

[little beagle]

like a light bulb going on

Thank you for letting us here that there are others who have suffered similar to ourselves. You are doing great. Maybe you have had a breakthrough and can now face each day with anticipation instead of dread. That is how I feel being af. :happyheart: