For the first time....

[Wagoneer]

....since February 27th, I really wanted a glass of wine. I mean, I actually thought about stopping to pick up a bottle. What the hell!? I didn't, but the point is, I wanted to have a glass. It was unnerving and depressing. I have not been myself lately. A wonderful cousin died (buried him today), disappointments at work, stress, marriage is not what it should be, blah blah blah. You know, pity party. But the wanting a drink thing really threw me for a loop. What a sneaky bastard that AL is!!! Made me kind of scared as well. Damn it!

[NoSugar]

For the first time....

Wagoneer;1531973 wrote: ....since February 27th, I really wanted a glass of wine. I mean, I actually thought about stopping to pick up a bottle. What the hell!? I didn't, but the point is, I wanted to have a glass. It was unnerving and depressing. I have not been myself lately. A wonderful cousin died (buried him today), disappointments at work, stress, marriage is not what it should be, blah blah blah. You know, pity party. But the wanting a drink thing really threw me for a loop. What a sneaky bastard that AL is!!! Made me kind of scared as well. Damn it!

Hi, Wagoneer -

I think 'I want a glass of wine.' somehow became shorthand for I want my cousin not to have died, work to be more rewarding, the thrill to be back, and on and on. Maybe we used wine to avoid the pain of those things that we want to be different. Think about what you really want when the message to your brain is to drink. I know you want to live the best possible AF life !

:h NS

[Byrdlady]

For the first time....

Wagon, sometimes those thoughts just come out of nowhere.....or do they?
Our disease is like a dehydrated monster lurking just below the surface, give it one drop of encouragement and BAM! But they are just thoughts....they will not kill us. AL will.
I lost my dad back in January, and it was the second worst thing I've ever experienced (the first being the death of my brother when I was 13). But I got thru it using the very coping skills I learned here.....one day at a time. It's when we get overwhelmed that those thoughts creep back in. Just deal with things as they come and by priority...you will get thru them! AL is NOT an option!!
I understand how scary they can be when they come on so strong and fast...but you know how to fight them. I'm so sorry for your troubles right now...but getting thru them sober will be 1000 times easier than not. Holler out if you need to....I'm always around. Hugs to you...and strength. Byrdie

[mama bear]

For the first time....

well said everyone.....and good to remember......

[mama bear]

For the first time....

I m sorry about your cousin Waggy

[Kradle123]

For the first time....

I'm so sorry Wagon. :l

I lost my cousin a few weaks ago and it is so disturbing. I see her face now when I think of AL and the desire just vanishes. She died alone after years of AL in her life.

Thinking of you. :h

[3June2013]

For the first time....

Wagoneer hi there I don't think we've met. By sharing your story you've reminded me that we are all just one drink away from going back to our old ways. I think the others hit the nail on the head. We used to use AL to escape or to fix things. Now we don't. But the feelings that used to trigger a drink don't go away. The crises in our lives will always crop up. We hope we've found better ways to cope. I can see though how that craving made you scared. You dealt with it head on though, hopefully it empowers you. I do hope things smooth out for you in life though. My condolences on the loss of your cousin, how very sad. I'm sure the burial brought up all kinds of emotions for you. I hope you can find some peace, perhaps a walk? Yoga? Meditation?

[Wagoneer]

For the first time....

You guys rock my world. Thanks to all of you and thanks for the PM Byrdie XXXXXOOOOOO