Relapse in Retrospect

[free at last]

Relapse in Retrospect

Dear GMS,
Thank you for your story -- I can completely understand the desire to moderate and the inability to do so. My off switch is broken. I have been seriously trying to stop drinking since mid March. Reached 30+ days in early May and then the moderation voice kicked in. Each time I came back to MWO with a goal of complete abstinence, but work, family reunions, holidays were a constant temptation (I travel at least 2 weeks per month for work). Finally, when I knew I would be on a 2 week holiday where alcohol would be present every day, I started taking Antabuse. It helped me enormously as it basically removed the option for drinking from the table. (Strange, I won't drink if I am on Antabuse, because I don't want to be violently sick, but I will drink, knowing the stuff is poison for me. Wierd, i know).

I am not one to offer AB as the silver bullet. For me, it provides a little extra muscle or resolve as I work to develop my "No, thank you, I don't drink" mentality. If you think AB might be an option for you, check it out with your physician.

Can hear your commitment from your writings. Wishing you strength to stay on your AF journey.

[GMS]

Relapse in Retrospect

Free at Last, thank you for your post, I hadn't actually thought of medicating to help so this is a real option. I've also seen enough here on MWO to not worry about saying no to others, (on medication, trying to loss weight or I've even seen, "I never drink in August, it's kind of a tradition") you can use any month of course. Nope it's saying no to myself I'm terrified of. That's just where the AB may help. Thanks again.

[broken halo]

Relapse in Retrospect

Thank you GMS, you said you would post and you did, that must have taken guts. I have tried moderating my intake in the past, telling myself I could have one or two. What a joke that turned out to be, and the joke was on me.

We can make it stick this time. We have to. Thank you again,

BH x

[free at last]

Relapse in Retrospect

GMS, you are right in who the antabuse is for. I have been saying no to others for months. Taken all kinds of plane rides, gone to work dinners, etc -- all without drinking. It is saying no to myself that has been the issue. For me, the AB is helping me build my resolve. I won't be on this for much longer, just until I feel being AF is the norm for me.

Glad to see you in the Newbies Nest and that you will work on a plan for the holidays. Keep us posted, we are pulling for you.

[lifechange]

Relapse in Retrospect

This thread is full of so much insight-- thank you to everyone who shared!

[Byrdlady]

Relapse in Retrospect

I wish we could make this thread a 'sticky'. These stories are powerful testimony to the strength of this addiction. There is only cure that I know of: Get AF and stay that way! It is BETTER in every way! Nothing is improved by ALCOHOL. Byrdie

[free at last]

Relapse in Retrospect

Bumping this thread up because I know it has helped me and think it might be useful for others.

[Byrdlady]

Relapse in Retrospect

Bump for the holidays.

[narilly]

Relapse in Retrospect

"Nothing is improved by Alcohol" I like that Byrdie
I am going to remember that line.
Thanks!

[j-vo]

Relapse in Retrospect

Great thread! Thank you NS and all who have shared!

[Pavati]

Relapse in Retrospect

Thanks so much for those of you who shared your stories! The "healthy fear" that Molly talks about is alive and present after reading them. These stories are powerful reminders of how strong alcohol is.

[DreamThinkDo]

Relapse in Retrospect

I've been dipping into Spiritual River, and came across this article: Can You Fully Recover From Alcoholism? - Spiritual River

It's worth looking at it, and site as well.

[DreamThinkDo]

Relapse in Retrospect

And another one: What are Your Addiction Recovery Goals for the New Year? - Spiritual River

[Jazi's Mum]

Relapse in Retrospect

I have a relapse story too. I was sober for 5 years before I took a drink on New Year's Eve 2000.

When I first got sober it was after a really disastrous 5 years of drinking and smoking, including weed and hash. When I look back I don't know how I managed to never miss a day of work....what a terrible life it was. Filled with misery and stress. So I got sober with the help of a nurse therapist who simply told me I could move away from my mother (who was a major component in my unhappy life...too long a story) and that I could stop drinking any time I wanted to. I was a divorcee with two children at this time.

During that sober 5 years I hung around with people who did not drink at all. I joined a singles club and did lots of fun stuff like hiking in the Rockies, camping, dinner parties etc.

But then I met Mr. Right. He was a major drinker - not a drunk - but he sure liked to drink. I felt very awkward for the first while - I would see that he got home on Saturday nights...then that fateful night in 2000. My drinking seldom got out of control once I started back. Just a few glasses but that became nightly which is where I am now - starting baclofen to help me address some other issues.

I think the problem was for the 5 sober years I had not really wanted to stop. I HAD to stop because my health was getting iffy and I could no longer work and function. I had a year of unemployment, and I was very unhappy. Stopping seemed the only sane option. But I really didn't WANT to stop. I was sort of in suspended animation. Just waiting for that first drink even tho it took 5 years to arrive.

I'm still conflicted about my goals. I understand all the negatives about moderating - if it's even possible for alcoholics. But, anyway, we'll see if baclofen can give me some distance and some space in which to make an informed decision.

This thread is very informative. There is definitely a pattern here, even with the differences in personal details. Being sober for a very long time doesn't mean you really want to be sober - for me at least.
JMum

[NoSugar]

Relapse in Retrospect

I came across this relapse post on a blog by a woman who is very active in addiction and recovery. It is her 1.7.2014 entry:One Crafty Mother.

It is hard for me to believe this happened to her. It is a good reminder. I've also enjoyed many of her podcasts: The Bubble Hour