Relapse in Retrospect

[Lost Soul]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

I just re-read this as it's so useful

[lifechange]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

bump

[Neo]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

One thing to remember narily is that if you fall it will be hard and worse than before you quit. I am not sure why that is but it is frightening and incredibly hard to get sobriety back. Much harder than the first time around. Don't fall for the "I've done it once I can do it again " scenario The risk is too great and certainly not worth testing. It did not make my problems go, make me sociable or happy or anything else I asked of it.
I am glad you are here before you let it get to you again

I found a good diet armed with my vits help recover fast from a slipup should you have one .Day 1 for me again but I feel so much better

[Jude58]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

I have only been sober going on 3 months, but I had originally quit for 9 years. Most days back then I didn't even think about alcohol, it just wasn't a part of my life any longer. Then one day....WHAM, someone offered me a glass of wine and I took it. I figured that I could handle one small glass of wine, right? Turns out it was stronger than me, and shortly thereafter I was back to drinking full time. (and then some) Eight years later (3 months ago) I quit again, hopefully for the rest of my life) Never want to go back to those days....

Never get complacent....somewhere inside every alcoholic there's a voice that begs to be heard. It beckons us with soothing words, "just one won't hurt, go ahead, you can handle it, you've gone this long without a drink. You deserve it." When I quit the first time, it was uncomfortable, but I didn't go through withdrawal as I did on the second quit. It was hell.

So for those of you that hear that niggling voice in your head, do whatever it takes to ignore it, and always be vigilant. It might just save your life.

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

I came here in 2009 knowing that my drinking was getting out of control. I just started not too long ago but I already was seeing a pattern I did not like. I tried to quit a few times but I would fail each time. Then I decided to try moderation which I really never was successful but I considered it successful since I only drank every other weekend. Thing was, when I did drink, I drank too much. Then after a while I returned to weekly drinking and then one day after having a couple of drinks, I decided to try another quit. This quit stuck with me for 7 years. I would get the occasional urges to drink, but I would be able to fight them off. Well life got busy and I was not able to visit here as often. And my guard started to slip. Then one night after worksome friends that for the longest time was anti alcohol started drinking and invited me to this restaurant because they had a special of margaritas and dips for chips and they invited me. At first I stuck to my na beer but ended the night with 1 drink. At first I didn't count it since it was only that one. But then my obsession started again and 3 weeks later I had a couple of beers and 1 shot and a mix drink. I got drunk for the first time in 7 years. Thank god no hangover the next day. But I still thought that I could control it this time. I thought I could mod and I did do well. However I was still constantly thinking of it and I did drink 2 beers 1 week before this last time drinking. Before I knew it a few beers turned to 8 beers. I knew then that I had to stop so the next day once I started to feel better I decided to go ahead and let my friends know that I decided to quit drinking again. They thankfully understood and now I am done drinking for good. I will never take a quit for granted again ever. Alcohol is not worth it.

I love waking up hangover free with no regrets.

[NoSugar]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

But then my obsession started again ... However I was still constantly thinking of it ... Alcohol is not worth it. I love waking up hangover free with no regrets.

Thank you for adding your story, [MENTION=9396]DriftyAlison0[/MENTION]. You remind of of what I hated even more than the physical fallout --- the obsession that pushed out everything else that I had loved and cared about. Drinking was never NOT on my mind at some level. You are right. Alcohol definitely is not worth the price we paid. It is good to have you back.

[Guitarista]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

Great to see you Drifty! Thanks for your post.

[Byrdlady]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

Thank you for your story, Drifty. I just know that one drink would take me right back down the hole. Glad you are right back with us. Hang on! Byrdie

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

Thanks everyone. On day 10 and preparing myself for this week. The 2 week mark can be tricky craving wise so I am preparing myself to fight the urges.

[Ginger999]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

NoSugar suggested I share my experience on this thread so I’m taking her sage advice and doing it. Hopefully, it will be cathartic, not just for me but for others considering drinking after a long AF spell.

I had maintained my AF life style for 3.5 years through many difficult life events and was feeling pretty solid in my quit. I’d gotten well past the daily struggles with abstaining and felt confident in my sobriety to the point I no longer feared or dreaded events that brought me in contact with AL. And I’d quit checking in here.

Around mid-October last year, I made the conscience decision to have a drink. I’ll never forget the look of disappointment in my husband’s eyes when I told him I was going to buy some spiked soda water. Being the supportive guy he is, he just said, “well, if you need to quit again, I know you can”. So I had that drink and for several weeks it was fine. A drink here and a drink there but nothing crazy. Hey, maybe I could be a normal drinker!! However, the old sense of self-loathing was returning. Waking up in the night knowing AL had won and I’d lost. The sense that I was no longer in control tormented me even after one drink. Deep down I knew where this would lead.

In July we had a family reunion with my old “drinking family” on my hubby’s side. They loved I was back in the AL party mode. It (I) got a little out of hand….. more self-loathing. Then again, a couple of weeks later with my drinking buddy SIL. Again, got out of hand and more self-loathing. Oh and don’t forget the hangovers!! They were brutal. This last Wednesday again overdrank with my SIL and woke up Thursday sick as a dog. Head pounding, rapid heart rate, nausea, etc. If you are here, you know the gambit.

About a month ago, I’d started following the 24 hour thread. On the days I drank, I wouldn’t check in, on the days I didn’t drink, I would. My reward for not drinking was being able to read the posts. (crazy right?) I never posted just read. I began to feel an overwhelming sense of loss of the group. I wanted to be a cool AF kid again. Last Thursday, I logged in again and asked for 24 more hours of sobriety. Just 24 a day is all I need!

So today is day six! What I know about “me”? I can’t drink. I can’t moderate. I can only stay quit, if I want to be happy and love myself like I should. I’ll try to stay closer to MWO from now on. I know that will help. We can all do this if we support each other. Stay safe, stay sober, stay close. And if you were a steady drinker, like I was, don’t believe for a second that behavior won’t sneak back up on you. I know it will!

Peace, G999

[NoSugar]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

[MENTION=20929]Ginger999[/MENTION], I'm always up for running experiments on myself and as I told you, I'm often "What would one be like?"-Curious
I really appreciate your sharing your experience here. It is a reminder of the consequences that I would most likely face if I decided to run that experiment.

I usually seem to have to find out everything for myself but here, I've really tried to shove my ego aside and learn from others. In this, we really are much more alike than different and we can learn from and help one another. Thank you :hug:

[available]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

Hi Ginger, well that knocks any thoughts of normal drinking on the head for me. Thank you very much for sharing your story. No way do i want to go back to the self loathing and hating myself that comes hand in hand with drinking and i really appreciate you sharing your story. The thought of a day 1 again does hold not one ounce of appeal but so glad you are back on here and back on track. x

[DriftyAlison0]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

I always ask myself why I drank when I drink. I no longer desire to drink let alone get drunk. Being sober is not always easy, but its better then being drunk.

[Mr Vervill]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

Thanks, Ginger. You don't have to eat alone, there's plenty of room at the cool kids table.

[Pavati]

Re: Relapse in Retrospect

Ginger!

Thanks for sharing your story. I agree with all of the above - it helps me realize when those thoughts of "I'm cured" come through my head, that I can't and don't want to drink. I am sorry for what you're going through, but like your husband says, I know you can quit again. Welcome back,

Pav