Army Thread Monday 29th July

[RunningCourage]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

Morning.
45 minutes ago my bosses told me my post at work was being made redundant.
Happy Monday.
They gave me a letter to explain the restructure... There's gonna be a new post - a managerial one. Which I have first dibs for.
But you know when you have a GUT feeling that just says they don't want you there any more? Or at least one of them. That it's your time? That's how I feel. Raw and a wee but nauseous. So... that'll be me out of a post in a few weeks perhaps. No job. No girl.
Better head home to mama and papa
And cry a fucking pity party.

I've cycled home - they were kind enough to say go away and digest it. Everyone else at work will know at the end of play today. That'll make it tomorrow fun.
Anyway I thinks about it. As you'd expect. And what hurts is that it feels like not so much that I haven't been valued, but that I am not valuable or valuable enough. Disposable. Not good enough. Didn't rise to the occasion.

And perhaps that is right. Perhaps I didn't. Perhaps I just did what I could and got by. But then at 3.5 years in that post and on that pay, after a while I was getting tired. I know I was and I was looking for pastures new. Just not like this.
Of course that the new post is managerial and a wage that is 25-30% more than my current one... and I'm like well what the fuck was that all about... those years in there, when finally a post does come up... And i KNOW they aint gonna give it to me. They HAVE someone in mind.... just like with all the other new posts with all the other re-structures over the past 2 years.... I KNOW. Sometimes i just trust my gut.
And even if i didn't want it / decided not to go for the new post.... there's still something that tastes rotten.

I can be objective and see it from the directors points of view... but the fact that with one of them i have, again in my gut, an uneasy feeling about, despite her being the loveliest person for so many to work for and be friends with etc etc... ever get the feeling someone just smiles at you because that's their job. But at night in the bar with other colleagues the truth comes out - sees me as weak, thin-skinned, not on top of it, not robust, etc etc...and maybe they are right...
I suffer from mild paranoia sometimes, perhaps.

And at 34, i feel, bejeesus, i'm heading towards middle age faster than a rate of naughts and i'm soon to be out of a job and what kind of job do i have to do to feel value, to sense meaning, to find my fucking element? What is it? (Rhetorical questions folks).
Pride has been punched and it aint even got to lunchtime on a Monday.

Ah fuck it all.

[RunningCourage]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

Wagoneer;1537750 wrote: Morning all. Molly - so glad that you got your situation under control. Kids can stress you out like no other. Jackie - I am so sorry you are still hurting. Some people you just never, ever stop missing. He will always be with you though. Sorry if I missed anyone - have to get ready for work. I have not been myself lately. Not drinking or course, but just depressed. My job is what is killing me - they just keep piling the work on, no compensation. I do the work, so they gove me more. I guess I should just turn into a slacker then they will stop, right? I just need a change. I have a good job with great benefits and for that I am thankful. The stress and the commute from hell is what I could do without. It is sucking the very life out of me. I have no energy for anything after work and it is sjust not fair. I am emotionally blasted. One day a week working form home is nice, but that is not the answer. Sorry to vent. Off to the grind. Be well everyone.

Love Waggy

Yo Waggy.

Maybe I ought to have read this afore my rant! Sorry yer feeling shite with work. It's a sucker when you don't feel valued, or are just seen as a machine to give things to do rather than a person, a human being, with feelings and rights and ideas and a life beyond the 9to5.

Have you thought about a get-out plan, or do you feel that's too big a think to consider? Have no idea what you do, or your background, i just feel that if we're not happy, we need to make things change so as we are happier with what we do. And not feel we're dragging our butt out of bed to work, but gleefully kicking it there.

I used to commute also - sometimes a 2hr trip their and a 2hr trip back... that got to me... as did the diesel costs.

So maybes have a think if you can about what it is you want to do and break it down as to how you might be able to do that...? That was so fucking easy to write, and i'm reeling from being told my job is being made redundant and i know i have to do the very same thing. Pronto.

Take care Waggy, hope you're day aint so bad in the end. :l

[sweetpea29]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

RunningCourage;1537752 wrote: Morning.
45 minutes ago my bosses told me my post at work was being made redundant.
Happy Monday.
They gave me a letter to explain the restructure... There's gonna be a new post - a managerial one. Which I have first dibs for.
But you know when you have a GUT feeling that just says they don't want you there any more? Or at least one of them. That it's your time? That's how I feel. Raw and a wee but nauseous. So... that'll be me out of a post in a few weeks perhaps. No job. No girl.
Better head home to mama and papa
And cry a fucking pity party.

I've cycled home - they were kind enough to say go away and digest it. Everyone else at work will know at the end of play today. That'll make it tomorrow fun.
Anyway I thinks about it. As you'd expect. And what hurts is that it feels like not so much that I haven't been valued, but that I am not valuable or valuable enough. Disposable. Not good enough. Didn't rise to the occasion.

And perhaps that is right. Perhaps I didn't. Perhaps I just did what I could and got by. But then at 3.5 years in that post and on that pay, after a while I was getting tired. I know I was and I was looking for pastures new. Just not like this.
Of course that the new post is managerial and a wage that is 25-30% more than my current one... and I'm like well what the fuck was that all about... those years in there, when finally a post does come up... And i KNOW they aint gonna give it to me. They HAVE someone in mind.... just like with all the other new posts with all the other re-structures over the past 2 years.... I KNOW. Sometimes i just trust my gut.
And even if i didn't want it / decided not to go for the new post.... there's still something that tastes rotten.

I can be objective and see it from the directors points of view... but the fact that with one of them i have, again in my gut, an uneasy feeling about, despite her being the loveliest person for so many to work for and be friends with etc etc... ever get the feeling someone just smiles at you because that's their job. But at night in the bar with other colleagues the truth comes out - sees me as weak, thin-skinned, not on top of it, not robust, etc etc...and maybe they are right...
I suffer from mild paranoia sometimes, perhaps.

And at 34, i feel, bejeesus, i'm heading towards middle age faster than a rate of naughts and i'm soon to be out of a job and what kind of job do i have to do to feel value, to sense meaning, to find my fucking element? What is it? (Rhetorical questions folks).
Pride has been punched and it aint even got to lunchtime on a Monday.

Ah fuck it all.

Hey D'Arsey:l

Jeez just logged on to find this. Dunno what to say......... sorry I suppose but that aint gonna help ye much:l

[Recluse]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

RunningCourage;1537752 wrote: Morning.
45 minutes ago my bosses told me my post at work was being made redundant.
Happy Monday.
They gave me a letter to explain the restructure... There's gonna be a new post - a managerial one. Which I have first dibs for.
But you know when you have a GUT feeling that just says they don't want you there any more? Or at least one of them. That it's your time? That's how I feel. Raw and a wee but nauseous. So... that'll be me out of a post in a few weeks perhaps. No job. No girl.
Better head home to mama and papa
And cry a fucking pity party.

I've cycled home - they were kind enough to say go away and digest it. Everyone else at work will know at the end of play today. That'll make it tomorrow fun.
Anyway I thinks about it. As you'd expect. And what hurts is that it feels like not so much that I haven't been valued, but that I am not valuable or valuable enough. Disposable. Not good enough. Didn't rise to the occasion.

And perhaps that is right. Perhaps I didn't. Perhaps I just did what I could and got by. But then at 3.5 years in that post and on that pay, after a while I was getting tired. I know I was and I was looking for pastures new. Just not like this.
Of course that the new post is managerial and a wage that is 25-30% more than my current one... and I'm like well what the fuck was that all about... those years in there, when finally a post does come up... And i KNOW they aint gonna give it to me. They HAVE someone in mind.... just like with all the other new posts with all the other re-structures over the past 2 years.... I KNOW. Sometimes i just trust my gut.
And even if i didn't want it / decided not to go for the new post.... there's still something that tastes rotten.

I can be objective and see it from the directors points of view... but the fact that with one of them i have, again in my gut, an uneasy feeling about, despite her being the loveliest person for so many to work for and be friends with etc etc... ever get the feeling someone just smiles at you because that's their job. But at night in the bar with other colleagues the truth comes out - sees me as weak, thin-skinned, not on top of it, not robust, etc etc...and maybe they are right...
I suffer from mild paranoia sometimes, perhaps.

And at 34, i feel, bejeesus, i'm heading towards middle age faster than a rate of naughts and i'm soon to be out of a job and what kind of job do i have to do to feel value, to sense meaning, to find my fucking element? What is it? (Rhetorical questions folks).
Pride has been punched and it aint even got to lunchtime on a Monday.

Ah fuck it all.

Runners, I'm sorry to hear your news. I imagine it's an enormous shock. And of course, it's bound to hurt, the idea that someone could consider your post dispensible. It's a sad fact of life that most jobs and most employees are considered dispensible in this day and age, so try not to take it too personally.

I remember not so long ago you posted here that you weren't entirely happy in your job, so perhaps this is something that was destined to happen. Jackie spoke yesterday about turning a negative into a positive and maybe this can be your big opportunity to reassess your life and find out what you really want to do and then make it happen. Of course you won't be feeling positive today. Give yourself as much time as you need to absorb the news, but do NOT, under any circumstances, be tempted to drink.

You're still, by any standards, a young man and a very intelligent one at that. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that you have it in you to make a success of another job or another career. You CAN overcome this setback - just take a little time to think carefully about what you want to do and then act with self-belief and determination. Best of luck to you.

[Recluse]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

Morning waggy and peapie :hallo:

Off out into the garden for a bit.

[sweetpea29]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

Hi Reccie :hallo:

That's sound advice right there indeed:goodjob: D'Arsey you will overcome this:l

[patrice]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

Hi all, (Jackie, Molly... my all time faves!!) I'm back on board.. won't bore you with the torrid details, it is what it is, or was. I'm AF now.

Running courage... this is mostly for you.I don't know you but your earlier post hit me like a wet fish, I could feel the scales on my face. Almost exactly the same thing happened to me about 15 years ago ( OK I'm 50 now and you are 34 so same timing.. although I did have a boyfriend at the time hehe). I was gobsmaked, 35 yrs old, living in UK ( I'm a kiwi), I didnt know WTF to do. .. but I must have done something because I hit the deck running real fast, looked at retraining, what I wanted to do. It was the best thing that happened to me. I retrained and now have a job I love ( well, as much as anyone can love a job). This will be you too. I note earlier on you have been very disenchanted with your job anyway, at times. It's fucking hard I know, esp now with the economy, but you will find something better, I promise. This honestly is just what you need right now..embrace that challenge and you are sober makes its easier.... I guarantee in 6 -12 months time you will be on theses boards saying how happy you are, cool new job, great new gf, happily sober...
Take care
Patrice

[sweetpea29]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

Hi Molly and Patrice

Very sound and wise words from ye both too.... sorry I can't offer up any D'Arsey just know you will be ok and come out of this stronger:l

Hafta away to dentist for me check-up- hopefully be back later :hallo:

[RunningCourage]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

Molls - you are right. Yes, it is business. I can see that. I can see that my post really is kind of redundent... well, it could be more, but then i didn;t know how to make it more. I wanted to make it more in one direction, but my line manager poo-pood that back in December and since then I have been wondering where is the 'in' here? Where is the path i need to carve. Couldn;t see it. And true, back in Jan/Feb I was feeling those waves of 'downess'... can't have added to the perception of me... morbid fucker at work:H

BUT... perception aside, the post they have made does make sense. It was bound to happen (though some prior warning to ME would have been nice...but as you say, it is business...) and if i had been someone else, maybe it would have been natural for me to move into that post. But it's not. And it does feel like the booty up the back side.

Defining ourselves by our jobs - OF COURSE!!!! - And it is the ego, the pride that hurts. It does feel like i wasn't good enough... but they are not replacing me - it is a whole new post. You are right also Molls about do I want the managerial post... and here's the other thing i need to confront rather head on, (as opposed to mulling over it in my head) - do I WANT - like really really want - that post? Is it the position I want, or is it the work? The title or the day-to-day meat? YES I need to look at that. And I am and have been and today it is there on a plate for me to consider as real and as large as life itself.

It just fucking hurts - There is something in my, some pervading thought, feeling, notion that I know is not true and yet the feeling is there - this pervasive feeling of the world laughing at me. Of others feeling better about themselves cos one man is down. Of feeling small and pathetic. Of feeling like a down and out codger. And any move I make from here being one that is and will always be seen as 2nd best to what could have been where i was... WHICH IS TOTAL SHITE... but that is what i feel. Inadequate.

I get caught up in, buy into the career trajectory thing. That that is what is the most important. And i think that combinations of all our personal life circumstances mixed with an invisible cultural fear that if we did what we wanted to do we'd be strung out to dry, lose money, lose our way PREVENTS us from just going out there and facing the fear anyway. (He says, thinking FUCK i can't afford my cottage no more and to go freelance may only bring a part of what i earn now...and if facing the fear is living from hand to mouth in central Scotland... then uhm... no thanks:H).... BUT i do sense that for many we take a route because we think we;re suppose to - even mine, in the libertarian world of the arts.

It's not even autumn, but i feel like a leaf that's been snipped from the tree and now fluttering around thinking "Ah fuck... where now?" But Patrice, you are right i feel... I will of course make my way outta this - and your story is so good - profiund to hear today of all days. Thank you... I am just fucking angry and kinda upset and all the other stuff i feel that i wrote about 2 paragraphs earlier.

Least I got the morning off work :H

[JackieClaire]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

Now where was I.
Sorry I disappeared like that but managed to get a lift to the high street. Wanted to give a wee thank you note to the florists who did my uncle's flowers. Then and went and had a nice sit in the park watching a very little dog trying to play fetch with a football. Then it pissed down so home.

Right then young man, our D'Arsey. 34 years old, I repeat 34 years old. You're a wean with the world at your feet today. My Pa spent is formative years in WW2, didn't marry 'til 31 and didn't become a father 'til he was 36 and 40. He spent his life behind a dreary desk in a dreary job. It's no wonder he was half pissed until he was 50ish.

Make a list of the jobs you would never dream of doing. Paramedic to rat catcher. Fire fighter to house keeper. Light house keeper to ice cream man.

Oh and another thing Sir Pee's been made redundant twice and by God it hurt, I truly understand that.

And did I see the lovely, Patrice. Lovely to see you back.

[Recluse]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

Runners, a few days ago JC asked whether alkies tend to over-think things (or words to that effect). I know I do. You'll obviously need time to come to terms with the fact that your position at work will be disappearing, but try not to over-think or over-analyse it. Not easy, I know, but it's not likely to be productive thinking and it's unlikely to do anything positive for your mood. Can you get yourself out of the house for a little while? Maybe go for a run or go for a walk in the park for a couple of hours to distract yourself?

[RunningCourage]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

Recluse;1537827 wrote: Runners, a few days ago JC asked whether alkies tend to over-think things (or words to that effect). I know I do. You'll obviously need time to come to terms with the fact that your position at work will be disappearing, but try not to over-think or over-analyse it. Not easy, I know, but it's not likely to be productive thinking and it's unlikely to do anything positive for your mood. Can you get yourself out of the house for a little while? Maybe go for a run or go for a walk in the park for a couple of hours to distract yourself?

THanks Recs.

Been out - had a meeting at 2pm with the counsellor girl. Now got to go to Glasgow for my Monday course so busy ...

Just letting myself have an Ophelia day.

I'll be out of there by the end of the month likely...

[tiptronic_ct]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

Look on the bright side, Runners: no more nasty perfume, no more grubby reaching into chips packets and then back to the keyboard

[RunningCourage]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

tiptronic_ct;1537845 wrote: Look on the bright side, Runners: no more nasty perfume, no more grubby reaching into chips packets and then back to the keyboard

Hallelujah

[tiptronic_ct]

Army Thread Monday 29th July

On a more serious note: I don't have much to add to what the others have said. Just :l:l:l. It's totally crap to have to go through such a process. I'm pretty much facing the same possibility - the company I work for is being taken over by another, and I'm quietly shitting myself already.