Newly sober and seriously depressed

[panicprincess]

Hi everyone. First off, let me say I've got 40 days sober. Woo! The issue that I'm having is that I'm extremely depressed (let me add that I don't have any thoughts of harming myself). I have no motivation to do anything. I don't seem to have an interest in anything. I don't want to hang out with friends, exercise, socialize, participate in hobbies, etc. I don't even know what I like to do anymore. I just feel like there's this big giant hole in my life and now that I don't have alcohol to fill it anymore, it's affecting every single part of my life. I'm on antidepressants but they don't seem to be doing the trick. I know that excercise is supposed to help with depression but it's practically impossible for me to get the motivation. It's an effort just to take a shower and cook dinner for my husband.

Anyone else have this in early sobriety? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Blah.

Thanks all,
PP

[YouKayBee]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

In losing alcohol from your life I think there can be a big gap, and a sense of loss especially since it's usually been a mega thing and I don't think what you're feeling is unusual. I also think a lot of people think all their problems will be solved, life will be so rosy once they quite drinking - and when it's pretty much the same it can result in a depression. It may pass and I always feel learning to just be with yourself as a person is really, really important.

[neferkamichael]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

40 days sober is fantastic. I'm 3 years sober and probably expected more in the beginning, but am now happy to have 1 less problem in my life. I still have somewhat of a void, but the truth is I haven't done enough work to fill it. Rootin for ya.

[Neddy Merrill]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

Hiya Panicprincess, I know exactly what you mean. I have got to the stage at the moment where things have gone a wee bit flat in my sobriety. At first I was elated as the fog began to clear, euphoric at the opportunity of changing to a far more positive life. The last few days have found me kind of mourning for the past and this is actually wholly ridiculous: my past is littered with disappointments, nastiness, embarrassments, shameful behaviour and regrets. I think I am just going through a natural readjustment to life. An old season has gone and a new season is beginning. It's just something that will have to be faced up to. In terms of exercise, I have lost my mojo there too after a very good, very productive start. Still, I know that if I don't lift a drink everything will be fine. Well done on 40 days. Please don't be tempted to get complacent. One drink is enough to drag any of us back down into our own personal Hell. Best wishes, NM

[K9Lover]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

I know exactly the feeling you are describing PP. It's like "Ok, I quit drinking...now what?" I am currently trying to dig myself out of a depressed state too...it can happen at any point of sobriety (unfortuantely) but as you get more time under your belt, you will be able to cope with it better (or so I'm telling myself...lol). Try to find something, anything, to fill the void...even going for a 5 minute walk can change your outlook. Go browse the library and read a book that you normally wouldn't read. Try out a new recipe. You never know whats going to click for you and change your attitude. You're doing great with your 40 days...keep letting us know how you're doing ok? We're here for ya!

[Cinders]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

The "what now" issue is something all of us have to deal with in our own ways.

Early sobriety really is just that, early sobriety. It is the ultimate goal, as it were. Being sober.

The next step in this journey is figuring out how to fill the void that the absence of alcoholic drinking has left you with.

One other thing. I have discussed this topic with my counselor a few times.

Society has done us a huge disfavor in telling us it is no "normal" or "okay" to have bad days or feel bad. Non drinkers have bad days, too. We drank to make it better. Now we don't.

But at the end of the day, life happens sober or drunk.

I did find I was not willing to do much in early sobriety, either, mostly because if just felt "safer" to be at home where I wasn't tempted to get drink, etc. Perhaps you are experiencing a little of that?

I am finding I am spreading my wings more and more these days. :-)


Good job on getting sober, btw, and yes, it does get better.

Cindi

[NoSugar]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

Hi, PP

This is probably going to sound trite but it helped me greatly. I got busy doing things for people other than myself -- I took on extra volunteer hours and made the effort to take time for some individuals in my life who needed some extra attention (and who had sadly been getting very little from me). I also tried to help people on MWO if I could.

Much of getting over an addiction involves being very selfish because you have to protect your quit at all costs but the loss of a supposed "friend" and the "me-focused" life does leave a void.

In any case, please be patient. You are going through big psychological and biochemical changes.

All the best to you, NS

[Byrdlady]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

Hey! Great job on 40 days....
I think this is a normal part of the journey! You are going thru a grieving process....here's what I wrote AllanKay when he was feeling rather flat....

Quote:


Originally Posted by Byrdlady View Post


As I mentioned to a response to Allan yesterday in his thread....he'd reached his 30 day goal and then felt like a bride coming back from her honeymoon...NOW WHAT? I was explaining to him that breaking free of alcohol is, in effect, ending a relationship. And I mean a long-standing, hard-core, abusive, solid relationship. In essence you are going thru the 5 stages of grieving. Anger (what brought you here..."I'm SICK of this crazy life!"), Denial (Maybe I'm not all that bad! What was I thinking? Other people drink as much or MORE than I do' I think this is where the biggest Pity Party is thrown...it comes after the first 2 weeks and before day 30), BARGAINING ( why don't I try to moderate? Other people are able to do it...if I could just have one precious glass of _____ I'd be ok, THEN I'll get right back on track..), Depression (Is THIS all there is? Where are the balloons? Is this as good as it's ever going to get? ' Well shit...'.) and finally, acceptance. Let me tell you, this is where it's at. You finally are able to accept that, NO, you CANNOT drink ....AT ALL. Not one, not ever.....and you are ok with this. This is the stage where you can see AL for what it really is....a DRUG. Some people abuse drugs and some people don't. We do. Each stage in grieving is very important. Once you can see what is going on and that you aren't going crazy, it helps...at least it did for me. What you are going thru is the natural stages of loss. If you stay the course, I promise it will get better....I can also make a promise the other way, too....if we stay on the path we were on....well, you get the picture. I can assure you there will be a day where you don't even think about AL! As hard as it is now....it seems hard to believe. As hardcore as I was, I can now come to the end of an evening and think...I'll be dam, I didn't even think about it. THAT is amazing! You will get there...it just takes some time. Please hang in with us...you can do it! If I can do it, you can too!!! Byrdie

[Lavande]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

Congrats on your 40 AF days panicprincess!

It just takes time to adjust to a new life but there's a lot you can do to help yourself along
Developing an attitude of gratitude helped me a lot!
Write a list of all the things you have now that you didn't have a few weeks ago: no hangovers, extra cash in your pocket, no guilt or remorse, improving health & the list goes on.
NS mentioned doing things for others - another great idea!
At this point you need to decide who you want to be & what you want to do. You are now in control of your life - AL is no longer in charge!!!!

[broken halo]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

Hi PP, congrats on 40 days sober, that is quite an achievement. It's a shame you are feeling so flat though. You say you are on AD's, is that directly linked to your drinking? Maybe a chat with your doctor would be a good idea.

I really appreciate the post though, as I am on 34 days and have been the opposite. I am still actually high on being sober, so far I haven't seen any downside or felt anything but joy so far. Maybe this is something I should prepare myself for, so thank you. I really do hope you feel better.

[panicprincess]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

Thanks everyone for the feedback. Just reading your responses has lifted my mood a bit. One thing that occurred to me is that I'm experiencing PAWS (Post-acute withdrawal syndrome) where there are periods of depression, loss of energy etc. I just need to remind myself it is a temporary state and do my best to fill that Al shaped void. On the plus side, I don't have any desire to drink so I guess I'll ride that for as long as I can.

[little beagle]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

Panicprincess I am so glad you posted this. I too have been going through a period of depression. But I can't afford to not work. Work involves lots of exercise for me. Believe it or not I really do feel better after getting out there and moving around.
This sounds simple but give yourself a reward. Flowers, new shoes, something pretty. It picks me up so I get something small each week.
Congratulations on 40 days. You are doing great. :l

[YouKayBee]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

panicprincess;1541414 wrote: Thanks everyone for the feedback. Just reading your responses has lifted my mood a bit. One thing that occurred to me is that I'm experiencing PAWS (Post-acute withdrawal syndrome) where there are periods of depression, loss of energy etc. I just need to remind myself it is a temporary state and do my best to fill that Al shaped void. On the plus side, I don't have any desire to drink so I guess I'll ride that for as long as I can.

I'd forgotten all about PAWS, yes this can affect you for some months. Glad you thought of it. Another thing I recommend is make sure your diet is good, and avoid simple sugars which can send your moods all over the place.

[panicprincess]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

Yes, I definitely need to monitor my simple sugars better. Of course, being alcoholic my body WANTS them. *sigh*

[woofer]

Newly sober and seriously depressed

We discussed depression quite a bit at the SMART meeting I was at today. At four days sober I'm in the dumps at times. I've gotten sober many times before over the past seven years, and I know that it isn't fun. As well as the aforementioned reasons as to why you might be feeling depressed, remember that there is (in part) a very neurochemical reason as to why you are depressed right now. For lack of a better explanation, alcohol has fired off responses in our brains to provide us with our "feel good" brain chemicals for years and years, so our brains have learned to stop making so much of them naturally. This greatly affects our ability to experience pleasure from things that used to do so, and it can be quite baffling and difficult to overcome.

The good news is that with time, and with putting yourself out there, your "baseline" will rise up again and you will feel better. It's essential to muster up whatever motivation you can to get moving and start doing/trying some activities that you'll enjoy. I've had periods of sobriety, say 3-6 months, where I wasn't doing anything different to try and enjoy life more, and they inevitably ended in relapse.

I'm sure there are people here that know much more about this than me, so if you can explain better or in depth, please do!