I had my last drink on Friday the 29th September last year, so since Saturday 30th September I haven?t touched a drop of alcohol..
It was my birthday on the 25th October, I didn?t drink?
My daughter celebrated her birthday on the 9th November and I went to her party, I didn?t drink..
I went to my daughters house for dinner on Christmas day.. I didn?t drink..
On New Years Eve I actually saw the new year in for the first time in years.. I didn?t drink..
My son celebrated his birthday in January.. I didn?t drink..
Yesterday was my 38th wedding anniversary?. I didn?t drink..
In the past, all those occasions, and more would have been the perfect excuse for me to not just drink, but to get absolutely hammered.. Oh yes, if anyone had asked I would have told them I was having a good time, I was enjoying myself, but no, I wasn?t, I was lying..
For years I felt as if I was living in this dark place and I was looking out at the rest of the world going about their everyday business, at work, at home, socialising.. Behaving in a normal way, not having to pretend that everything was okay.. In a way I was locked in this prison and I could see no way to escape? Yes, I had tried several times to get away and sometimes I managed to escape for a few weeks, but, my goaler always managed to catch up with me, mainly because I thought I was free now and so I relaxed my guard, only to find out I had been fooling myself and I was back in the clutches of alcohol again..
Well not anymore, since finding MWO six months ago I have undergone a rebirth, I have been granted a second chance at life, and my God I have seized it with both hands?To get to where I am now has taken a lot of hard work, both physically and most of all mentally and emotionally? I looked on it as having the biggest clear out of rubbish I?ve ever had, a mammoth spring clean of the mind, because that is where all my problems with alcohol sprang from?. Memories are like wounds, if you leave them alone they will heal, but not me, when I was drinking I would pick at old scars just to keep the memorie fresh, relive old hurts and feel so hard done by all the time?.
Now, I have dealt with almost all of those hateful memories, I have quite simply let them go? I had to, so that I could move on with my new life, and the relief, I feel as if the sun is shinning into all the dark corners in my mind now, bringing so much light into my life..
I never for one moment realised that such a simple decision as never wanting to drink again could bring so many rewards?In a way its like scattering seeds on a bare patch of earth , you water them, feed them and generally look after them? You look at them each day but at first you see nothing, its hard work, weeding, hoeing, keeping the pests away, then one glorious day, there, poking up through the soil is a small green shoot, then another and another till the whole patch is covered with the fruits of your labour?.
Well, that is how I feel now, I am harvesting all the fruits I have worked so hard to grow? that doesn?t mean that I can now sit back and do nothing though? If I did that, then the patch of earth would soon be covered in weeds and there would be no harvest for next year?
As any good gardner will tell you, its all about planning ahead and being prepared, looking after what you have planted, ignore them and they will die, then you are back to square one, just a bare patch of earth?.
So, you have stopped drinking, well, that?s just the first step.. Now the rest of your life is stretched out before you.. What are you going to do with it?? You will never get to that place where you don?t have to do anything any more, there is always something to do, you always have to be prepared? It could be months or even years ahead, and out of the blue it will hit you, that craving for a drink..
Now if you have done all the groundwork in the early stages then it should be easy to deal with it, but if you have fallen back into some of the habits associated with your past drinking, well, it will be all the harder to say no.. As with the garden, the first season is backbreaking work, digging the ground, getting rid of large stones and debris, raking the soil, planting the seeds, looking after them, then harvesting them? That?s when the gardner starts to plan ahead for next year? The work will be easier but the garden still requires care and attention?.
I am already thinking ahead to the next six months on the direction my life will take, I am laying plans, doing some research and getting very excited, mind you, every day now, just waking up without that hangover feeling, even after six months, is still an exciting experience and its one I will never take for granted?.
If you are just taking your first few steps on this journey and don?t know where you are going to end up, don?t hesitate, don?t feel fear, its all there for the taking, grab it now before its too late?. Turn that bare patch of ground into a beautiful garden and make it something you can be proud of?
With love,
Louise xxx
It was my birthday on the 25th October, I didn?t drink?
My daughter celebrated her birthday on the 9th November and I went to her party, I didn?t drink..
I went to my daughters house for dinner on Christmas day.. I didn?t drink..
On New Years Eve I actually saw the new year in for the first time in years.. I didn?t drink..
My son celebrated his birthday in January.. I didn?t drink..
Yesterday was my 38th wedding anniversary?. I didn?t drink..
In the past, all those occasions, and more would have been the perfect excuse for me to not just drink, but to get absolutely hammered.. Oh yes, if anyone had asked I would have told them I was having a good time, I was enjoying myself, but no, I wasn?t, I was lying..
For years I felt as if I was living in this dark place and I was looking out at the rest of the world going about their everyday business, at work, at home, socialising.. Behaving in a normal way, not having to pretend that everything was okay.. In a way I was locked in this prison and I could see no way to escape? Yes, I had tried several times to get away and sometimes I managed to escape for a few weeks, but, my goaler always managed to catch up with me, mainly because I thought I was free now and so I relaxed my guard, only to find out I had been fooling myself and I was back in the clutches of alcohol again..
Well not anymore, since finding MWO six months ago I have undergone a rebirth, I have been granted a second chance at life, and my God I have seized it with both hands?To get to where I am now has taken a lot of hard work, both physically and most of all mentally and emotionally? I looked on it as having the biggest clear out of rubbish I?ve ever had, a mammoth spring clean of the mind, because that is where all my problems with alcohol sprang from?. Memories are like wounds, if you leave them alone they will heal, but not me, when I was drinking I would pick at old scars just to keep the memorie fresh, relive old hurts and feel so hard done by all the time?.
Now, I have dealt with almost all of those hateful memories, I have quite simply let them go? I had to, so that I could move on with my new life, and the relief, I feel as if the sun is shinning into all the dark corners in my mind now, bringing so much light into my life..
I never for one moment realised that such a simple decision as never wanting to drink again could bring so many rewards?In a way its like scattering seeds on a bare patch of earth , you water them, feed them and generally look after them? You look at them each day but at first you see nothing, its hard work, weeding, hoeing, keeping the pests away, then one glorious day, there, poking up through the soil is a small green shoot, then another and another till the whole patch is covered with the fruits of your labour?.
Well, that is how I feel now, I am harvesting all the fruits I have worked so hard to grow? that doesn?t mean that I can now sit back and do nothing though? If I did that, then the patch of earth would soon be covered in weeds and there would be no harvest for next year?
As any good gardner will tell you, its all about planning ahead and being prepared, looking after what you have planted, ignore them and they will die, then you are back to square one, just a bare patch of earth?.
So, you have stopped drinking, well, that?s just the first step.. Now the rest of your life is stretched out before you.. What are you going to do with it?? You will never get to that place where you don?t have to do anything any more, there is always something to do, you always have to be prepared? It could be months or even years ahead, and out of the blue it will hit you, that craving for a drink..
Now if you have done all the groundwork in the early stages then it should be easy to deal with it, but if you have fallen back into some of the habits associated with your past drinking, well, it will be all the harder to say no.. As with the garden, the first season is backbreaking work, digging the ground, getting rid of large stones and debris, raking the soil, planting the seeds, looking after them, then harvesting them? That?s when the gardner starts to plan ahead for next year? The work will be easier but the garden still requires care and attention?.
I am already thinking ahead to the next six months on the direction my life will take, I am laying plans, doing some research and getting very excited, mind you, every day now, just waking up without that hangover feeling, even after six months, is still an exciting experience and its one I will never take for granted?.
If you are just taking your first few steps on this journey and don?t know where you are going to end up, don?t hesitate, don?t feel fear, its all there for the taking, grab it now before its too late?. Turn that bare patch of ground into a beautiful garden and make it something you can be proud of?
With love,
Louise xxx
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