Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

[gambler]

Its amazing to me how my brain is trying to pick up any reason to take a drink.

Not to long ago I was talking to the wife ( we are separated due to my drinking ) and she said to me "You know Dave I dont care if you drink .. just not around the kids when they come over".

BAM !! my head is like "see ... its ok to drink. Even the wife says its ok"

Wrong dear ! Its not ok !

Im glad that I am doing this for Myself and not for someone else.

I gotta keep trucking on.

Dave.

[Cinders]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

Yes. Those who do not have this addiction do not understand how it affects us at all.
Keep on trucking.

Cindi

[K9Lover]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

You're right...do it for YOU! Nobody is stopping me from drinking, except me. You don't need her permission to drink, or her command to stop. This is about YOU and how YOU feel. You were selfish when you were drinking, be selfish (in a positive way) about your sobriety.

[gambler]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

That really hit home K9 .. thank you.

[Sake123]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

Gambler - I totally get it. My husband is the worst...he says things like "I don't see any reason why you can't have a few to relax." I think...He sees me everyday I must not be that bad!! I even blamed him for over serving me! Always in a joking way but honestly, in a way I wish he hated my drinking so he'd be more excited about my quitting.

Love K9's way of looking at it! I'm going to be selfish in a healthy positive way.

[DriftyAlison0]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

Makes quitting easier if you quit for yourself and not for others.

[Kradle123]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

Hey Gambler,

My husband, despite all the crap I did, would say the exact same thing to me! And he'd write and equally insane permission slip to just drink moderately... Yahoo...

Needless to say it was like winning the lotto..but then of course, I blew all my winnings...

[YouKayBee]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

In my opinion those around us are often in denial, it protects them from the reality.

When I was first trying to quite people said, "But you aren't that bad, you are fit and healthy", "no you're not an alcoholic you don't drink every day", "you need a reward". One person even accused me of being a schizophrenic. No I wasn't/am not it was simply the effect the grog had on me.

You know your problem and you are the one responsible.

[treetops]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

Yes Gambler but it can work the other way. My partner tried to stop me from drinking through all sorts of emotional coercion and physically removing any AL. He never encouraged me to have A few. This had the opposite effect. I had to want to stop. When I did I made it clear to him that he was not my jailer.

[gambler]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

treetops;1555280 wrote: Yes Gambler but it can work the other way. My partner tried to stop me from drinking through all sorts of emotional coercion and physically removing any AL. He never encouraged me to have A few. This had the opposite effect. I had to want to stop. When I did I made it clear to him that he was not my jailer.

Oh.. I got some of that emotional encrouragement when she packed up her stuff AND our two boys and moved to grandmas.

That was the weird part lol .. she wanted me to quit before she moved out .. then said it was ok to drink as long as I was not around the kids.

Last night I had a talk with her and it turns out that she was trying not to put any undue pressure on me. We talked about the chemical imbalance and all the stuff that I have gleaned on these boards .

She understands now. Actually Im hopeful that one day she will move back and we can be a Family again.

But I know what I have to do for myself before that can happen.

Staying positive

[treetops]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

Thats the attitude Gambler. We have to focus on our motivation and once we are AF I think it makes it easier to deal with how AL was another devious destructive partner in our intimate relationships. It takes its tollon our partners thats for sure
Best wishes

[gambler]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

Thanx Treetops

I was thinking more on this issue of spouses.

Do you think its more that we do not fully explain the issues and reasons "why" we are who we are that leaves spouses to not trust us ?

Example .. Ive told my wife dozens of times throughout our 10 years that I know I drink to much and I need to quit. And basically leave it at that. You know the regular "Im so sorry for what I said or did last night .. I will cut back and/or quit".

Then next time it happens the reply is "Yea right ! I dont Trust you anymore ! Youre such a G-dam Liar !"

I mean if she understood from the get go about the toxicology and the chemical imbalance of the issue then it might not have turned into her leaving in the first place ?

I dunno .. just thinking as my mind goes.

Stay on Target

Edit: I guess It would have helped a lot if I knew the WHY and Hows to tell her in the first place ! DOH !

[Byrdlady]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

G,
My hubs packed his stuff up and left on the night of Jan 19, 2011. I don't even remember my last drink....or much about that night, except that I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that the jig was finally up. When he came home the next morning to get more clothes, he told me to figure out how to divide our property and belongings. That morning, it really hit home what I had to do. I promised him I would quit for good this time (I had done this dozens of times in the past) and he looked me in the eye and said, 'I think you are too far gone....I don't think you can do this alone, your drinking is out of control and so are you, and I've had enough". I made a promise to him that morning, and to myself....and I've stuck with it. Slowly but surely I've regained his trust. They really WANT to believe us!! But it's up to US to prove it. No, he does NOT understand this affliction....he doesn't know why I can't just have a couple and be done with it.....but that's ok, this is MY problem, not his. I have faith that the same thing will happen to you and your Missus....just keep proving each and every day that you are doing this! In fact, I still feel funny when I go into the bathroom at night to take a bath....I kept my stash in my closet off the bathroom and by the time I came out afterwards, I was ripped! So I kept my bathroom door cracked so he could come in and check if he wanted to. After all this time, I still do that....I have earned his trust back, and he is proud of me....so am I! It can be done, and I'm proof of it. Hold up your side of the bargain NO MATTER WHAT AND NO MATTER WHO....that's what I've done. So far so good!! Byrdie

[gambler]

Wow .. just wow .. how even some of the closests to us do not get it

After careful thought and consideration im getting to believe there is also a flip side to this coin.

Communication !

Not to offend anyone .. but I thought the whole "Til death do us part" thing was supposed to mean something.

Im beginning think AL was not really the root cause of any Major troubles in our relationship. In fact I think it was just an easy excuse for Her way out.

Which is a bummer because this whole thing could have been handled a bit better in the long run if she would have just said something about her personal unhappiness.

Its just how I feel right now. .. and its getting stronger and stronger the more I become AF.

In any case I hope you and your family make it through with flying colors and all best wishes from me to you :h

Dave