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I told myself if the Topa didn't work on the fourth try I would make an appointment so I can hopefully get on Campral or something else. I really had to FORCE myself to do it. I am meeting with the counselor today at 1230 and feel very nervous. I considered cancelling.

I do not want to be involved in any counseling or anything like that because I've had plenty of counseling. I know why I drink. I'm lonesome in the evening and now it is a habit and my brain craves it. OK. So there. :b

I plan to bring MWO book and info just in case they haven't heard of us. I'll do a little education while I'm there being evaluated for my "drinking problem." I prefer to think of it as my "love of wine" challenge.

Maggie

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Maggie, good luck. Maybe this will be the clincher that ties all of it together for you with the meds, supps, counseling, etc..:d

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Good luck, Maggie! Wishing you the best!

Hugs,
Kathy

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Thanks cv and YAH. I just got home. Nice lady. Totally AA. I have a headache. Feel frustrated. They only use Campral for those who fail treatment.

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Yikes...like what treatment? antabuse? Any nutritional help at all? Anything scientifically based or all psychological counseling and white knuckle through it? Keep the faith, something will come through!

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Not antabuse. Out patient treatment 9-5 Monday through Friday for four weeks. That was the recommendation. I said there was no way. She said abstinance is possible without "treatment" especially if I attend AA meetings for support. I surely understand the need for support.

I told her about the support here but that didn't seem to count. I'd rather white knuckle it and abstain on my own. I am reading about addiction at the moment and liked this from Stanton Peele:

He argues addiction is not defined by excess, but the severity of its consequences. He recalls interviewing a woman, who despite receiving regular beatings at the hands of her partner, kept returning to him. "I say [to her], 'this is bad'. And she says, 'Yeah yeah.' It becomes clear she is just going back to that same guy. I say: 'You can take a lot of heroin if you are halfway smart and not die, but you can get killed doing this.' Her answer is, 'I love him.' That's an addiction. There's no getting around that.

And another from Peele: (I think I agree with him)

Guys take heroin all the time and they just go to work; that's not an addiction." In other words, a man who gambles regularly is not an addict; a man whose compulsive gambling drives him to sell his house and break up his marriage is. It is an important distinction: "You can't define an addiction in terms of the object; you can only determine it in terms of its relationship to the object, and the consequences."

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Maggie, Can you try a psychiatrist? Will your insurance support that? I think they're so much more willing to use medications. (It's their training.) All I can say is: it's YOUR life and you have to go with what YOU want to do. So keep looking for a way - guess there's always online ordering.
Some of the counselors I know have pretty some pretty quirky problems themselves. Don't get discouraged! Em

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You know...maybe all I needed was to get this angry. It felt like someone looking at me saying "you cannot do this without our help." Hey....I CAN do it. I am not "powerless."

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Maggie,
Forget about that bitch. (Sorry everyone). AA is NOT the only way. I have my own analogies about AA & some religious communities who "tell you the way" with no respect for your being in "finding the way".

Kath, gave me some great advice last week "drop back 10 & then punt". And I did both things -- I needed to "drop back" and just think & be with myself (meditate, pray -- whatever words you like)--wihtout any outside pressure (including us, ie MWO). And now I am punting, just trying to see if I can make a few points in the "overall game".

Rest my dear,
Love, Chrysa

You are fine --more than fine!!!! (Viggo Mortensen in 28 days with Sandra Bullock ) LOVed that movie

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Geez, that just pisses me off!! I'm glad you're angry, Maggie--if it energizes you and helps you feel your power in yourself, you go girl!! We're all here behind you! I find it amazing that they don't give you all the tools you need right at the beginning, but withhold them until you have "failed" at everything else! Just amazing!>:

Keep the faith.....:d :d
Kathy

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Hi Maggie,
You go get mad girl. I can just picture the lot. Standing there with folded hands and eyes turned heavenward - child come you need us, you cannot do this on your own. Let the Lord and onward.............blah........blah.......blah.
Oh yes Maggie, you can bloody well do this, if I could do it so can you. I think everybody needs a different trigger and perhaps you need to get really mad. At the booze, at the world, at all the lost time and opportunities yet to come. Just open that door and there is a little candle sitting at the very end of the tunnel. Its a long way but it is a big candle. It won't extinguish before you reach it.
It is waiting for you and we are in the tunnel with you and with every step that little candle is getting brighter and brighter until at last you get to hold it in your hand and then you see the door. You throw it open and there is a brand new life just beyond it and it's Maggies life.
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
Lori

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Maggie,
Good words from all the above. You hang in with us, ok?

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:c Oh you guys are awesome! Thanks for all the encouraging words! Tears of joy.

I am joining the abstinence group TODAY and will do it because I feel so angry at the attitude of "powerlessness" out there.

My short term goal is to abstain for two weeks and then re evaluate. Love you guys. :h

Maggie

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Hope you don't mind if a guy interjects. AA is great for some people........but in "my" humble opinion it is a cult, a way of life. If you want to make it YOUR way of life you will stay sober. But I've been through 3 treatment centers and what I have learned is alcohol is usually not the problem its the solution to a something. What I think you need to do is find someone you can talk to and find out the "underlining" reason of your drinking. Hey and I'm no shrink I'm just passing on what I've learned. Also theres a real good book out there by Jeffrey A Schaler PH.D called "Addiction is a Choice". Its available in paperback. Its very informative. You may want to check it out.
Chuck

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Chuck, we LOVE it when a guy interjects!! We know there are more men lurking out there than posting, so it's great when you say your piece!! Also, thanks for the insight and the reference to the book! I have long believed that substance abuse is a symptom of a problem that becomes a problem in its own right! The solution is to treat both!!!

Kathy