Help me with my problem

[Underachiever]

I don't know where else to go. I know my problems but can never find a real solution. I drink about a fifth of vodka per day on average of 4-5 days a week....I pretty much only drink during M-F. I have a very loose job where I do not have to be in office at all, but still need to show results.

I basically have some kind of social phobia and do not really like to talk to people in general which is completely different that my profession allows hence I drink to be able to "do my job" but often more than not, I end up not doing it and drink until I pass out... I am not completely incapable of talking to them but I do not like to do it. I hate to make sales calls now because I am conscience of my physical appearance as I have stopped working out and always feel like my teeth are disgusting.

I have been doing this since about November 2009. I am on my 3rd job since then (this will be my last chance)...No one really knows the truth as I have separated myself from most of my old friends...95% of the time I drink at home by myself. I don't remember conversations I have with clients and of course cant tell anyone the truth, just have to play the "I forgot" card which makes me seem dumber than I normally am.

I feel like the alcohol has really effected my gums...Due to bill dispute, I have not seen the dentist in a couple of years...I had the beginnings of periodontal disease then and have a feeling it is really worse now as my mouth just feels "dirty" and my guns feel swollen. I am sure some of you will know what I am talking about.

I am close to 40 years old and use to drink on weekends only when out with friends and it was never a problem...So basically, it has just been the last 4 years where it has taken over. In fact, when my friends used to want to do sunday football drinking, I never wanted too...

I even took the step to seek professional help but that was the worst psychiatrist I have ever seen...He was trying to talk to me about something completely unrelated to why I was there...He sent me a bill for $300 after insurance for what appears was just a BS drug test...He prescribed campral to me which didn't work that well and it costs me over $200 out of pocket but I paid anyway...

I drink out of stress and having to call people that I do not want to talk too...I know the obvious is to switch careers but at my age it would be hard to start over and such.

I just need to get my shit together and stop drinking through the week and get my health in order. I just wonder how much permanent damage has been done....

I just am not sure where else to turn.

[Byrdlady]

Help me with my problem

Under,
I am in sales also, and you'd never know it, but I am actually shy. I HATE cold calls and I hate calling people on the phone soliciting appointments. Seems really odd for a salesperson to say these things. I'm almost 54, and what I've learned is that this really doesn't come naturally to anyone. It is a job skill like anything else. What I began to lean on AL for was the 'dutch' courage. It seemed to take away the barrier. I have been AF for over 2 and a half years....what I have found is this:
*Customers/coworkers knew I had a problem...I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought.
* Your personality is still down there....once you get AL out of the equation, you will still be able to converse just like you did when you were loaded.....only you don't make an ass of yourself in the process!!
* I have been so much more productive since getting sober. I do more in less time! I remember stuff and I feel like I'm on top of my game!
* I used to be a dental hygienist. I haven't practiced in 30 years, but I'll say this....try and get yourself to a dentist! You don't want to lose your teeth! I'm not sure that alcohol progresses gum disease but I do know that it sure takes a toll on your body in general. All I cared about was my drinking time.
Please visit the Newbie's Nest....we have folks in all stages of quitting! It's an active thread and someone is always around. Also check out the Tool Box...both links are in my signature line below. Getting AL out of your life will go a LONG way to helping your self esteem. AL robs us of that, and so much more! If an old drunk like me can get sober, I know you can too! Welcome aboard! Byrdie

[Underachiever]

Help me with my problem

Thanks.

I am seeing a dentist next Tuesday. I have always struggled with gum problems but of course alcohol makes it worse.

Truth is I could do this job sober, but it is so tough getting there with withdrawl symptoms and such. I am trying to overload on vitamins to help myself.

I need help and I know it.

Thanks again.

[available]

Help me with my problem

Hi Underachiever and welcome.

Your post resonated with me. My four walls are my world if i let them and I thank god i dont work from home. It used to be a struggle just going to work, thus a lot of time off etc when really i was too hungover to be bothered to go. I wished I could work from home but i am sure like you Under i would be doing exactly the same thing. Do you go outside much for a walk or something? Maybe if not you should try just getting out for a bit and change your routine a bit.

I so hated not remembering what i said to people and the next day I would smile and laugh and pretend i remembered. My son got to a stage where he did not pick up whether i was pissed or not anymore.

My general health was suffering as well. My gums were so swollen and yes there was always a horrible taste, the shakes, the dry wretching, the anxiety, the headaches. I am now 16 days AF and my gums are not swollen, no shakes, definitely no dry wretching and so much less anxiety (i can actually write words and not shake). My headaches are still there but apparently that is quite normal.

Brydie always has words of wisdom and really inspirational so take what she says on board! My limited advice is to to take one day at a time AF, and stay on here as it has given me what i never thought i could achieve and have not done in such a long time.

Good luck and you will like it here

[Frequent Traveler]

Help me with my problem

Welcome,
I have been almost 9 months and this group has been my life saver as they have been there to encourage me along the way, I have read their issues and at times made comments and it has helped me to understand that I was not alone in this.
Stay with us as they journey is worth it.
FT