Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

[Zenstyle]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

red67;1560003 wrote: That sounds awesome! Does the top of the pizza get brown (I like the cheese to get a little browned). Do you cook with the top down on the grill? Is it direct flame or indirect heat?

My friend makes excellent pizzas... the thin crispy crust kinds with really exotic toppings. He cooked them on a stone with the lid down and all 3 burners on full and the flame was underneath the stone. It's a gas grill. I guess the grill was just a 500 degree oven now that I'm thinking about it.

They were awesome. Everyone got so full on the pizzas they hardly had room for my ribs... :gramps:

[Zenstyle]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

Zenstyle;1560004 wrote: Hiya hun!

Yep, I've spoken to him. Several times. It's kind of been a bit of a cycle to be honest... last weekend wasn't a one-off. He goes through cycles of denial. (Just made that up... quite apt though!) He'll admit he has a problem and stop then gradually will convince himself he hasn't got a problem and start. He'll handle it for a bit then he'll go off on a mad one and make a right spectacle of himself. I'll get pissed off and lose all respect for him, I'll rant and rave for a few days then let it go and when he gets out of the dog house will be fine for a few weeks then it will all start over again. Rinse and repeat!

I forgot to mention... what I'm doing different this time is I'm not going to buy into it when he says he's "just having a glass of wine". He simply can't drink.

[YouKayBee]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

Zenstyle;1560007 wrote: I forgot to mention... what I'm doing different this time is I'm not going to buy into it when he says he's "just having a glass of wine". He simply can't drink.

I remember being in that cycle for years. Folks just get tired of it.

[Recluse]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

Zenstyle;1560004 wrote: Hiya hun!

Yep, I've spoken to him. Several times. It's kind of been a bit of a cycle to be honest... last weekend wasn't a one-off. He goes through cycles of denial. (Just made that up... quite apt though!) He'll admit he has a problem and stop then gradually will convince himself he hasn't got a problem and start. He'll handle it for a bit then he'll go off on a mad one and make a right spectacle of himself. I'll get pissed off and lose all respect for him, I'll rant and rave for a few days then let it go and when he gets out of the dog house will be fine for a few weeks then it will all start over again. Rinse and repeat!
Well, it's definitely good you've spoken to him, but obviously not so good he doesn't seem to be changing his drinking habits except in the short term.

Zenstyle;1560007 wrote: I forgot to mention... what I'm doing different this time is I'm not going to buy into it when he says he's "just having a glass of wine". He simply can't drink.

So what would you do...make yourself scarce when he starts drinking or try to make him stop?

[Zenstyle]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

Ukblonde;1560009 wrote: I remember being in that cycle for years. Folks just get tired of it.

You just hit the nail right on the head. I am simply losing patience with it. I'm a bit of a caretaker truth be told, and he relies on me for a lot of emotional things. But this is starting to wear me down.

How freaking weird is it that I should be in this position?! I'll be honest, at first I felt like a bit of a goody two shoes and THAT made a change! lol But now I'm getting fed up with it, just like you say...

[Zenstyle]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

Recluse;1560012 wrote: Well, it's definitely good you've spoken to him, but obviously not so good he doesn't seem to be changing his drinking habits except in the short term.

So what would you do...make yourself scarce when he starts drinking or try to make him stop?

I will tell him to stop. Or, rather, not to start. And tell him he makes myself and anyone else who is unlucky enough to be around miserable when he drinks. Just remind him of where it eventually leads.

I think to myself this is really rich coming from me of all people. But, you know what, I didn't make a fool out of him by drinking but he's making a fool out of me when he gets trolleyed...

[red67]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

Oh thats a tough one Zenny. I am a caregiver too and extremely loyal. I don't give up on people easily. It takes a long time for someone to get into my life so once they get thru the walls I try everything I can to keep things together. I find it easy to forgive if someone is genuine in their behaviors. Hell we all make mistakes I wouldn't want to be judged by someone over my faults so I try to be the same with others. One thing I have learned is if you fool me too many times I will put the wall back up. It takes ALOT for that to happen.

Sounds like you need a heart to heart with him and some consequences for behaviors. Will he consider counseling? I know for me, consequences and counseling worked but the person has to want to make the change. I wanted to change so I knew the path I was taking would only help me to get there.

[Zenstyle]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

I think you're really seeing the situation Red! lol I already went through the counselling option... that was one of my "must do's if you want to stay with me" scenarios. He went for about 2 months but he tapered off and stopped and, as you can see, it didn't do a whole lot of good.

I can so relate to putting the wall up. Every time this happens my defences go on red alert. I make myself miserable, make him feel very insecure, and the whole thing is just crap!

He is genuine in his behaviour but he also has the capability of lying to cover up his discrepancies. But... he is very committed to me and our relationship and, at the end of the day, he'd do anything for me. In all honesty he adores me and might even put me on too much of a pedestal... it makes me a bit uncomfortable as I am far from perfect.

There are pros and cons and I've been trying to weigh them up. I think I am lucky to have someone who cares for me as much as he does though, and as uncertain as I feel at times like this I have to be honest and admit that I may never find someone else that cares that much.

Relationships are bloody tough! That's for sure. I just want it to be plain sailing but that's prolly never going to be on the cards, is it?!

[Recluse]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

Zenstyle;1560015 wrote: I will tell him to stop. Or, rather, not to start. And tell him he makes myself and anyone else who is unlucky enough to be around miserable when he drinks. Just remind him of where it eventually leads.

There's absolutely no harm in trying, it might work. Best of luck.

[Zenstyle]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

Recluse;1560024 wrote: There's absolutely no harm in trying, it might work. Best of luck.

God loves a tryer!!! :H

I just need to be consistent now and stick to my guns. And... yep... will wish myself good luck and all!

Honestly, I am now wondering why I didn't "come clean" about all this sooner. It really helps gain perspective talking things through on the thread. I felt like I was harbouring a secret all this time... I didn't tell my addictions counsellor either cos I knew she'd tell me to send him packing.

Och well... we're all just mere mortals at the end of the day... right?

[red67]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

Zenstyle;1560029 wrote: God loves a tryer!!! :H

I just need to be consistent now and stick to my guns. And... yep... will wish myself good luck and all!

Honestly, I am now wondering why I didn't "come clean" about all this sooner. It really helps gain perspective talking things through on the thread. I felt like I was harbouring a secret all this time... I didn't tell my addictions counsellor either cos I knew she'd tell me to send him packing.

Och well... we're all just mere mortals at the end of the day... right?

I know what you mean about not telling people what's going on. My live in situation is very unique and whenever I have a problem I have no one to talk to because they just always say kick him out. Can't do that cause he has an 11 year girl that I am second mom to and I love her with all my heart. So when I have problems with him I have no one really to talk to. I have learned coping skills, especially since I got sober that really do help. A few more years and I will have options but not now. I have been her "other mother" since she was born and I could never sever that bond. Since I am no blood relation I have no legal rights to see her otherwise. Difficult situation with him sometimes and other times all is good. I look at it as this, life is unfair sometimes and I gotta work within the boundaries I am given. For the most part I am truly happy but sometimes not so much.

So hows that for happy Monday:hitme:

If the pros outweigh the cons and he makes you happy you know best what you should do.

[Zenstyle]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

red67;1560045 wrote: I know what you mean about not telling people what's going on. My live in situation is very unique and whenever I have a problem I have no one to talk to because they just always say kick him out. Can't do that cause he has an 11 year girl that I am second mom to and I love her with all my heart. So when I have problems with him I have no one really to talk to. I have learned coping skills, especially since I got sober that really do help. A few more years and I will have options but not now. I have been her "other mother" since she was born and I could never sever that bond. Since I am no blood relation I have no legal rights to see her otherwise. Difficult situation with him sometimes and other times all is good. I look at it as this, life is unfair sometimes and I gotta work within the boundaries I am given. For the most part I am truly happy but sometimes not so much.

So hows that for happy Monday:hitme:

If the pros outweigh the cons and he makes you happy you know best what you should do.

Oh jingos Red... I had no idea. Gosh, yes, life does throw us some challenges sometimes. That's really rough and I know a bit about what you're saying. I had a long term relationship with a guy with a 7 year old boy and when that ended it was brutal for all concerned. And the boy wasn't even living with us full time, only every 2nd weekend and on Wednesday nights. And some holidays. I don't think it makes any difference if she's "blood" or not... you are still bonded and you love her like your own. Have one of these... :l

Yes, I think sometimes we just have to keep a lid on it and put up with some crap as it is best in the long run. I can say that now as everything is calm on the farm! But next time he goes off on one (if there is a next time, fingers crossed) I'll probably be a blithering eejit all over again! :H

Life isn't perfect, is it?

Yeah, I can see why I hid it. And I can also see why I shouldn't have. I think, in the long run, I would have been better off being open about it. You tend to OWN someone's behaviour when you're covering it up.

[red67]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

Well I just had to post cause that will make me 700 posts and I like round numbers. I am anal.

Looks like everyone abandoned us Zenny. How do we lure em back? Food and strippers?????

[Zenstyle]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

red67;1560089 wrote: Well I just had to post cause that will make me 700 posts and I like round numbers. I am anal.

Looks like everyone abandoned us Zenny. How do we lure em back? Food and strippers?????

:H:H:H

I can show them my calendar from the other night... there are some hunks in it! And I have a PILE of leftovers from yesterday...

Just bring dollar bills!

[YouKayBee]

Army Thread.... It's the 23rd of September, 2013

Is there anyone still up (it's late here), time to put the washing on. Other half's in Glasgow tonight, is that RCs neck of the woods?