Not doing so good anymore!

[Guest]

Started off real strong in the program...was doing great..have went downhill quickly. Been drinking myself stupid for about 2 weeks now. Been VERY depressed. I feel like I am hitting bottom. I really don't know what to do. I have been drinking so heavily....I feel sick EVERY day and my family is beginning to really resent me. I have bruises all over me from tumbles, etc....sprained my ankle this week also. My poor body can't take much more. I literally don't want to live sometimes. I feel like I keep trying and keep failing. I don't know if i can beat this.

[paula]

Not doing so good anymore!

So sorry you feel like this.I felt as though I had hit rock bottom a few weeks ago,
in fact I didn't think I could fall much further,but I did find some inner strenghth.
I too felt my family were resenting me,but when I spoke to my husband he said
he was terrified of losing me,we talked I agreed to see my doctor who prescribed
medication for my depression, which is not a quick fix, but now I am feeling so much
better.Please don't despair you will beat this.Soon you will feel so much stronger.
I will say a little prayer for you.
Best wishes xx

[redrobin]

Not doing so good anymore!

Hey there,

Don't really know what to say - we don't know each other, as I'm fairly new to all of this and I'm sure it would be much more reassuring for you to get a message form one of the old "regulars". But since I'm spending a super quiet Saturday night alone (the kids are at their dad's place and there is nothing worth watching on the telly) it looks like it's me you've got!! Unfortunately I'm more of a 'buck yourself up gel' type than a warm motherly hugger!!

Nevertheless, I can only imagine how bloody disappointing it must be to feel you have slipped right back to where you started. I'm sure it can happen only too easily to any of us. And you know what you must do, don't you? You've done it before and you can do it again - but this time with all the benefit of hindsight and knowing all the pitfalls. Some powerful weapons those!

I assume you've been on the MWO program? Have you let it slip? Why not dust off those CDs , or re-read the book, take some pills (don't you get sick of taking bloody pills?) and get cracking again. And how about treating that poor sore, bruised bod to a nice relaxing bubble bath. Treat yourself gently.

C'mon now. You can do it. Do it for your family. Do it for yourself - you KNOW just how much better you will feel in as little time as a week.

Love and thoughts,

RR

PS Still nothing decent on telly!!

[Guest]

Not doing so good anymore!

Thanks RR....your words ring true...have to start over again...

[dilayne]

Not doing so good anymore!

Good Morning Tired,
Sorry you are feeling this way...I completely relate. I also started the program very strong last summer and have had very good periods of moderation (with top) and then later almost 5 months of Abs w/o the supps or topamax..but since February, I feel like I'm back at square one, but I know that isn't true. What I've done this week (feeling very much like you are describing) has been to try to focus on doing something..anything..good for myself instead of how bad I feel about myself..which will only pull me deeper (if it isn't motivating me)..SO, this week, I got on the treadmill 3 times (which is much more than I did last week)..I also made myself a fruit smoothie about 3 times in the morning with the All One..I still drank this week, but I did have one AF day, and yesterday was moderate. I also decided to not buy anymore wine but that if I wanted to drink some beer, I'll be OK with that since I don't usually binge or over do beer. I still feel like crap from poisoning my body, but feel like I'm pointed in the right direction. I also ordered Allen Carrs book..since someone suggested that I do it...so I'm trying to be honest here and listen to what people have to offer me.

It is a zig zag road for many of us. Please find something loving and nurturing that you can do for yourself..the very act itself can steer you in the right direction.
Love,
Dianne

[goingsobermum]

Not doing so good anymore!

Hi Tired,
The point is you keep trying, so keep doing it. When we slip its easy to think all sorts of negative thoughts about being crap and useless, I know I've done it many times, and then we think Is it worth trying again? Yes it is, keep coming back here, follow the program, thank your body for keeping going regardless and try doing some healthier things.
I like your avatar, but you need to think "I love ME this much"
With love from Suz

[happycamper68]

Not doing so good anymore!

TOC,
I had no idea you were this sad and in this shape. I begged my hubby to take me to detox last week as you know. Do you have Campral? Can you get it? I'm taking a combo now of Campral and Naltrexone and seems to be really helping with the exception of one day out of 8.

How can we help? You may need to get some melatonin to help you sleep and some calming supps. We love you. :h

[Guest]

Not doing so good anymore!

Happy...as you know Billy's 1 year anniversary is quickly approaching...each day has gotten harder it seems lately. Depression is really bad. Going to call the Dr. Monday. I am going to ask for Campral and a different anti-depressant as the one I have been taking is not helping at all. Started off the program real gung-ho and did so good for awhile. The past few weeks have literally been a nightmare. Just being able to post and talk with you all helps so much. Thanks for being a constant support system and friend!!!

[Allie]

Not doing so good anymore!

Tired....
Great advice so far, so guess I dont have anything profound other than to say that I know you are at a tough time of your life with April being the anniversary of something so painful! That is HUGE.

I would say it sounds like it is not easy for you to moderate right now, but dont take on something you cannot handle. I wish I could be there to do this with you, but can you choose to not drink for just one night? Plan ahead and plan what you are going to do! Make up some time with those you feel you have dissapointed.... go bowling, a movie or something that gets you away from the sofa and the booze! Then go to bed when you get home... because you are genuinely tired and stressed from what you are going through emotionally and physically. Take something to help you sleep. Two Benadryl put me right out after about 20 minutes. Then go to bed before 10 p.m. You will wake up feeling so much better physically, and and emotionally the guilt will be a tad less too because you will have spent some quality time with your loved one (ones) and remember all of it and have a whole day in front of you that you do not feel sick! Then try the whole process again if you can... just take it a one day at a time.

Its okay too if you want to talk about why you are hurting. Do you have someone there?

Big hug!!
Allie

[Guest]

Not doing so good anymore!

Going for help Monday...making the call anyway. Hoping the doctor will give me some meds...am kinda nervous, but the supps just aren't enough right now.

[pansy]

Not doing so good anymore!

Hi TOC, I agree with everything that has been said. Even though it is a highly personal decision, I think medication might be worth considering. Topa was very helpful to me when I went abs. It really got me through the first month and helped me cut WAY down prior to going totally AF. Patty is on the Campral/Naltrexone combo. I know there are others too - you can find them on one of the threads in the forum. If you want to print out research on topa it is in the research section - or I bet you could find some really good info on RJ's blog.

I am thinking of you bigtime, TOC. I know this is a huge month for you - can't even imagine. Glad you are making an appointment for Monday. I hope it works out the way you need it to.

Hugs and more hugs,
Pansy

[betty boop]

Not doing so good anymore!

Hi TOC,

Sending huge hugs over cyberspace to you ......

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through right now, hang on in there love, times are tough but you can get through this.

Love you xx

[lucky 2.0]

Not doing so good anymore!

TOC,

I am thinking of you too and hold positive thoughts that you will be feeling better soon.

All the best. You deserve it.

xoxo

[julie001]

Not doing so good anymore!

Hang in there. You can do this again. Everyone here understands and empathizes with what you are going through. I'm glad you have a doctor's appt. Is there a non-drinking friend that you can call so that you have someone to hang out with. If so, get out of the house...If not, log on here. Alot of days that has helped me stay away from drinking. Try to think positive thoughts of what your life will look like when alcohol is not the all-consuming thought. Check back in here often and let us know how you are coping today. Things will turn around and life will get better. You can do this!

Julie

[gabby]

Not doing so good anymore!

TOC,
I too am sorry to hear of your dispair. Sometimes I think I feel guilty that I have been so sucessful quitting the drink. Especially when I read posts like yours. I feel so much compassion for you.

Like the others have said about the topa. I gotta say I dont think I could have done it and be where I am today with out it. If you havent already please give it a try. Not only did it take away so much of the craving for alcohol it also calmed me and seemed to help my mood a great deal. I also took it with an antidepressant. Still do for that matter. There were some side effects at first but all of it well worth it for the outcome of alcohol free with my moods in tact and virtually no slip ups.

Wish I could give ya a in person hug. Know that I'm thinkin about ya all the same.