Why do they always put us down???

[Mags]

Hi guys,

I love all of you so much. I am more a reader than a poster, but I check in every day to hear all your wonderful comments. The love and support I find among these wonderful frineds is totally astounding. I'm sorry if I am not as gregarious as some of the others, but I am with all of you all the way. I respect all of you so much for the great spirit,understanding, compassion and great funny stuff that you all have. You have all become my life line.

I am wondering why we always have to be so ashamed of our illness. We all have an illness and can live with it and even joke about it - that is the beauty of this site. Why can't others learn that it is just an illness like so many others. When someone has heart disease or cancer or something, eveyone is very sympathetic. When someone is an alcoholic, they are thought of as being weak. I want to say that people with more serious physiological diseases that directly threaten their lives deserve and certainly get our help. We give our hearts to them, because they are dealing with difficult struggles. These are all potentially deadly diseases, but let's face it all, kids. So is alcoholism. There are so many ways it can kill you - and other people (e.g. driving drunk). And let's think about how it can affect our children and other loved ones.

I am an alcoholic, and a few years ago, I showed up at work drunk. I just was out of contol. I got caught and almost lost my job. But I have worked with therapy, a while with AA (which I didn't like too much) and the best thing I did was to get with the MWO program.

That's OK. That's a very average story. My problem is that I have been AF for two going on three years (with some relapses - but only on weekends - never dealing with work). Why is it that they keep holding this against me? Why is it that everytime I have a bad day at work, someone reports me for "erratic behavior?" Why is it that I cannnot speak my mind anymore because everyone will think I am drunk? The administration of my college keeps this like a sword against me - like everytime I disagree with them they will come at me with unsubstantiated charges of drunkiness. Now they have a trump card and will use it whenever they need to.

I know that they can and will not fire me because I bring in a lot of grant money every year. But I am constantly being accused of things that the administration can always use against me since they know my problem and accusations therefore do not have to be substantiated. My question is why don't they know how many of us there are and how noble we are in dealing with this disease and constantly trying not to hurt anyone else. God knows, we hurt ourselves enough. We certainly don't want to hurt anyone else.

My conclusion is that we are a terribly strong and noble group of people who are willing to talk and to confess, and to laugh about our disease. I have been reading for quite a while and see such strength and compassion that I see no where else. You are the strongest and smartest and funniest people I have ever known. Don't get too thick headed - I am only saying this so I will get some nice flattering responses. I can be vain also.

I think instead of being put down, members of this site and even members who go to AA meetings should be respected and honored. Never put down. I love and respect all of you for your great struggles and nobility in facing them honestly.

Be very proud. And don't let anyone treat you like garbage!!!!!!!

I love you all.
Mags

[Breez]

Why do they always put us down???

We are just misunderstood souls.

Funny~I had "what I thought was going to be a fun adult chat" re: alcoholism with hubby that turned into a frustrated one-way lecture with my wanting to bash my head against a wall. No talking to people who just don't get it but think they do.

Thanks for the thread.

[Mags]

Why do they always put us down???

SB

I have been reading you for a long time. You are wonderful, and I always look forward to your kind words. I think you are great!!

Love,
Mags

[tawnyfrog]

Why do they always put us down???

Great erudite post, Mags.

I think the fantastic thing about out disease is that it's NOT incurable or inoperable. We have the ability to heal ourselves. That makes me very thankful.

As far as other, doubting, people are concerned - I know I am better now. That is my truth. (My wounds are healing nicely, thank you.) They can either accept us or question us - forever. I have more important things on my mind. Just wish they did...

And BTW - gregarious is not compulsory. I enjoy a companionable silence.

Lovely for you and The Breezy One to be here with us.

[DidItForMe]

Why do they always put us down???

THEY think we do this to ourselves. THEY think we could stop anytime but we are just too lazy or we just like to feel this way. THEY do not have this problem.

Thank goodness THEY are not on these boards because I don't think THEY could understand me or make me feel important like you guys do.

Thanks for the thread Mags!

[Mags]

Why do they always put us down???

Dear Tawny

I agree with you and thank you for such a high level of understing. i really appreciate people like you.;

Humbly,
Margaret

[ScoobyDoo]

Why do they always put us down???

I totally agree with all you've said Mags!

With your work situation, I think that is such poor form on their part. Truly wretched and weak!

Stay strong. Going onto 3 years of mostly abs must be such a great feeling! It sounds like you've been getting this thing under control. Stick with it!

Doo

PS Does it all get easier with time?

[lushy]

Why do they always put us down???

I think what you wrote was right on Mags, and so true indeed.

[Paddy]

Why do they always put us down???

You're SO right Mags. And the joke is, and what many of THEM don't realize, is that THEY have an alcohol problem THEMSELF! At least, we realize it and that's why we've taken action.

Anyway, as Jesus said, let them be! Blind guides they are. When a blind one leads a blind, both will fall into a pit ...

[irishlady]

Why do they always put us down???

Hi Mags,

In my experience only an alcoholic will understand another alcoholics pain, and that fight that goes on in your head sometimes when your drinking side wants a drink and your sober side recoils in horror, yet the person sitting next to you just doesn't realise that World War Three is going on in your head as you smile sweetly and carry on a conversation with them...

As my husband once said to me, " If you think you have a problem with drink just don't buy anymore wine " Ha, I wish life were that simple..


Love, Louise xxx

[Bella]

Why do they always put us down???

hi Mags, you are right. I feel very strongly about this. People associate alcoholism with weakness I suppose. We are all made to feel rather pathetic. If we ask for help, we are embarressed. 'Oh, I am so feeble because I can not control my drinking!' WHY? And because of this dreadful stigmatism there is now a huge amount of us who have to hide away, see our self-esteems drain away and generally feel 'different'. BUT, unlike those other people, we are seeking help here. It is a shame that we can not talk as freely to our friends and family about our struggles but at least we can log on here and let rip!

Referring to your point Mags on the work front, yes, people like putting a label on us. "this person is an Alcoholic. So if she/he f****-up, well, you know why!" that is completly outrageous, but once again, just another one of our struggles we have to deal with. All my family and a couple of my friends know I have a problem with my drinking and I almost wish they didn't because if I am ever over- happy or overly sad, they think I must be drinking! Isn't that awful?

I have now come to the conclusion that I am NOT weak-willed but STRONG! Strong for addressing my issues and believe you me, there are many of them! You are so right, this site is a life-line for all of us. It is sooo good to be able to write what is in my mind all the time.

Thankyou for writing your post. Stuff everyone out there who knock us for being honest. You are a very brave person and YOU should be very proud of who you are. We all should.

Bella xx

[Guest]

Why do they always put us down???

It is easier to blame than to look inside yourself and find a problem...that is what they are doing at work. I know it hurts and is hard to overlook, but you can do it.

AND if that doesn't work...give us aome names....we'll take em' out..LOL Chin up...just keep coming here and reading.

[rudemama]

Why do they always put us down???

Mags,
Powerful and inciteful post. I am unravelling me, my identity, my ego, my personality from the disease. I thought when I no longer had hangover Monday or hangover Tuesday or hangover Wednesday etc..that my work capacity would increase exponentially. Well I am more clear headed but I still get the work block. and resort to surfing the net, now coming here, watching Knut the Polar Bear on you Tube etc. At least now I am not nauseous. I know in certain circles (not at work because I think everyone who I work with is a functioning alcoholic) I will be a drunk, the one who fell down the stairs, or puked in the dresser. It tears at me and for me I guess I can separate myself from them because I don't need to work with them. But I still feel framed/ashamed, defined and explained by a disease.Well I don't know if this helps but I can relate and I know who you are even if I have never seen your face...I know whats in your heart.
Good Luck with the Northeaster! Not the one in your heart lol....well that one too I guess. rudemama

[Mags]

Why do they always put us down???

Your all the greatest

You guys are all the greatest. I love you all. Be proud and be strong!!!!:h :h :h :h

[Mags]

Why do they always put us down???

Grammar mistake!

Sorry - I can't stand grammar mistakes. The title of my previous post should have been "You're the greatest" not "Your the greatest." Guess I'm just weird like that. Sorry.