i just needed to post

[Bella]

i have managed to get on line by pretending i'm checking my emails (to my husband!) I know, i'm pathetic. But i need you, anyone to tell me i'm okay. I had a lovely couple of drinks with my husband and inlaws at the pub, but now i'm drinking whiskey in my fizzy water and he does not know. I have been trying to moderate my intake but once again, i cAN'T DO IT. i OPENED UP TO THE WORLD TODAY AND TOLD MY STORY. How stupid to do that on such a sunny day. I am alone. And i need someone to tell me that i'm okay. I'm so sorry for asking for this attention. I have a time limit on this email and i just wanted to say that i'm wanting some help. Its like a child wanting attention, i know. But.... at the end of the day, you don't have to reply to me do you. that, i suppose, is the beauty of on-line forums. I love you all and i hope you are having a good, happy day today. Love Bella xx
i'm not normally this way.

[Guest]

i just needed to post

Bella, what are you feeling right now, fear, lonliness? Look at that. address what is bothering you. don't do it with your drink, but with your own strong will. You can do it
I belive in you
Love Mary

[Beaches]

i just needed to post

Bella,
Remember or figure out what your triggers are and try not to have that first drink. I know that when I feel down the first drink ALWAYS leads to the second, third etc so I stay away all together when I feel that way. Keep posting. Hope you can get back here today to talk more.

[Guest]

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Bella,
I am here....what can I do? Had a bad week myself...pour it out!!!!

[Determinator]

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YOU are ok Bella!!!!!!!!!!!!

[betty boop]

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Bella, you will be OK ....

You are prob not still online, but I only just read this ......

Hang on in there love, I had a bad day on friday and actually poured a wine .... took one drink and then poured the rest away ...... That makes you feel good, better than drinking ....

[Popeye]

i just needed to post

Hi Bella,
There's nothing wrong with asking for help.
I think you know they way to go.:l

[Bella]

i just needed to post

thankyou. My husband is bathing our son. so , I'm going to have to think of a good reason to be on line. I could try and be honest but i'm afraid he will be cross. I'm sorry for being so pathetic, It's because i have drunk and i am able to be myself. that is so wrong. thanx. xx

[Guest]

i just needed to post

we're here for you...sorry you are having a bad day.

[Elizabeth]

i just needed to post

Hi Bella, have you asked your husband why he gets cross when you are on e-mail or is it particularly MWO? As well as being a mother and wife you are also an individual. Out of interest does he know about your genuine efforts to control drinking by using MWO for support. Maybe if you could explain this and that you are doing this because of your love for him and your kid(s) as much as for yourself, he may well then see you spending time here in a different light. Just a thought. God we all slip up... its a long journey but you along with the rest of us can win this battle.
Ps. The others are right, try and diagnose what triggers off your drinking. It'll help you avoid the pitfall next time. I'm also concentrating on this point... BECAUSE THATS EXACTLY THE POINT/MOMENT that can make or destroy me. Hang in here. My thoughts are with you. XXXXX

[Bella]

i just needed to post

I want to pour it out. i have told my husband, (Mr I Don't Understand) that i am on my MWO. He said , 'do you really need that?' I said, 'NO' but that i just wanted to catch up. I can't be honest with him. I am too ashamed. I am drinking red wine. It is hidden behind the curtain. I am a lost cause, and I am full of good advice, thinking I have cracked it. I really thought i had. I am already planning and organising my evening of how i am going to get more wine without my husband knowing. I am happy now, as i have my glass of wine. When am i going to be intelligent enough to realise that i am a prat. Never, it's too much. I can't do this abstinence. I thought i could moderate. why am I unable to be like normal people? Why do I have this mind that worries so much? Why did I have such a crap childhood? Why did my brother have schizophenia? Why did my mother never brush my teeth so they fell out? Why wasn't i allowed to have friends over for tea? Why did i have to hide under the dining-room table with snacks and books? why did my mother lock herself in her bedroom so i could not get to her, while my brother was destroying the house? Why am I so afraid of people now? Why do i think that everyone else in this world is so much BETTER than me? Why did my brother hate me so much? He was 24 when he died and i was 15. I don't know. thats life i suppose. thanx for your support. Bella xx

[Guest]

i just needed to post

Bella.....first of all your brother did not hate you ...he was VERY sick. He didn't want to be like that, just as we do not want what we have been dealt. I can only suppose the pain was great for your Mom as well. I don't agree with how she reacted, as she should have protected you as best she could, but I do not have a schizophrenic child, so I really don't know what I would do. I can tell you I worry so much about NOTHING crap all the time, I literally make myself sick and my childhood was a damn nightmare.
What is a NORMAL person? I don't think I know any. No one is perfect...some cope better than others. You are having a bad day...start over tomorrow....

[Guest]

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Bella, That's a lot of questions. I too came from a horrible childhood. will tell that another day. I see the pain your in. I can feel it; but honey, the anwser is not in the bottom of that glass. I don't have all the right things to tell you right now, just abort your plan for more wine. You don't want a round with your Husband tonight. The night is far to young. Keep posting, grab some water and keep posting. Tell him the truth you need to talk to your friends at MWO. It is nothing to be ashamed of it is a support group. Here for you Bella.
You have so much good inside don't let the pain swallow you.
Love you
Mary

[Guest]

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I can't agree more Simeybear. Pour it out, start drinking water now and stay on here. I wish you lived closer....

[kitkatsue]

i just needed to post

Bella,
I am so sorry about your childhood, mine I guess was ordinary but not perfect, it is what I am going through now that seems so out of control, and I was where you are now just a few days ago. Hoping the next drink would make it all feel better. It didn't, I try to moderate but for now I can't. Go get some cold water and keep drinking water as much as you can it will help.

I decided to go to the doctor, because I got tired of slipping back into a dark hole. Maybe you could talk to one about your concerns.

Maybe you should let your husband read some of your posts and the responses and maybe he will better understand.

Not sure if this helps but take care!!!