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[Determinator]

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Bella I can sooo relate.. childhood was the craps, repleat with lots of terrible drama and violence...anyhow now is not the time for you to try to fix it all...save that for when you are stronger and on both feet. mega dose of L-glutamine, GABA, B-vitamins, eat some chocolate, know that we think you are super and get ready for a better tomorrow.

[Guest]

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D- I think we'd feel better if you'd make us dinner with a crapload of garlic...

[Mags]

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Bella

I love you. I support you. Remeber my last post - be proud and be strong. You are dealing with a very difficult disease and are making progress just by coming here.

You were dealt a crappy deck of cards - that's for sure. But you have the strength and ability to make a winning hand out of it. Pour out the next drink - go outside - go for a walk - do some exercises - look at some flowers or some children and see what a beautiful place this life can be.

You can move forward from this. Make this moment into a triumph instead of a defeat. We are all there sitting in your kitchen with you and holding your hand.

You need to get a bigger kitchen, girl!!!:l

[paula]

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Hi Bella, it's 9.30 now, hope your feeling a bit better.I too had a terrible
childhood,it does affect the way we are as adults but I am beginning to
realise ( after many years) that my parents were responsible for my
childhood,not me.I can only take responsibility for now. Your brother
didn't hate you schizophrenia is a cruel disease,that causes delusions
and hallucinations,this is what he was reacting to not you,Im sure he
loved you very much.
Love Paulaxx

[chrysa]

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Dear Bella,
First..you are more than OKAY. You are a beautiful child of God who wants you to heal, otherwise you would not be here.

Two...you need to be in therapy. Do you have a counselor. You need that. You need professional help. No one could work this out by themselves. No one. Please get the professional help that you need. MWO is always here, but you need more.

[ScoobyDoo]

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Oh Bella

My heart is with you in such a big way! I think Chrysa is right... you need to talk to someone professional, as well as us here.

You are obviously in an unsupportive environment, and what we can offer you here is support. You ARE strong. alcohol definitely makes me feel weak, so it's the alcohol making you feel weak... you are in fact strong, but just have this problem with alcohol that needs to be dealt with. You've been doing so well Bella! You always strike me as a very sweet, kind and sensitive person.

Perhaps your mother had a mild version of schizophrenia... just a possibility.

I hope you're feeling better Bella. I think you should at least try to explain to your DH why you feel you are drinking and why you are coming here for support. Ask him to support you, and tell him (without blaming him) that it is support that you desperately need in order to conquer this. My partner doesn't understand why I can't just stop at 2, and he's gradually accepting the fact that we are different.

Doo x

[DidItForMe]

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Bella:
I am only reading this now and it is many hours later. I just wanted you to know that I hurt for you. I am sorry you are feeling so alone and so hurt. We all care sweetheart. Many hugs!!!!

[Elizabeth]

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Bella, Mags right 'Make this moment into a triumph instead of a defeat.' Chrysa is also right, get some counselling. I don't live in a country where counselling is an option and I wish it had been when I needed it earlier in my life. Take advantage of this option and arrange to speak to someone who can proffessionally help you sort these issues out. You can't see the trees for the forrest at the moment but councelling can change that and help you let go of all your missed place guilt.

I remember getting to know you early on when I joined MWO and I appreciated your friendship. You are a gentle kind person and don't ever forget that. Stop for a minute, do some breathing excercises and then do some homework on where to arrange seeing a councellor and pick up that phone!

Keep talking to us. The sound advice from fellow mates combined with a huge pool of care provides an uncanny strength here. You can change this all round and we're all right here by your side. :h :l :l :l