First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone who thought of me while I was in the hospital and posted many kind words. I also want to thank those who tried, and those that were successful in hunting me down to find out what hospital I was in. I spoke with both Camper and Pansy on the phone while I was in the hospital and I realized something right there about the friends that you meet on WMO. As do most of you, I have many friends and relatives who were concerned about me. My alcohol habits were not secret, however no one knew exactly how bad they were. Unlike most of you, my habits became physical in nature and withdrawal symptoms would literally occur within 6 hours of not having alcohol. There is only one doctor, other than the group of people on MWO (of which I have never physically met before) that know this. So Imagine what it was like, having to be told that you are going to have to endure open heart surgery at age 43 and have valve replacement surgery. What are you more nervous about? The surgery or the fact that you are going to detox in front of strangers and you have NO option to sneak out and get a beer so as to subside the shakes, cravings, etc. When Camper and Pansy both called me, I realized there on the spot that only the two of them would even know what I was thinking. That through the dozens of calls and hours of conversations that I had had with other people, I was not being totally honest with my family and friends about the entire ?truth? of my fears. Thank you ladies for being there for me. In any case, I survived the withdrawals and am now 3 weeks AF. I had successful valve replacement with a mechanical valve and am on coumidon, as well as several other meds, to prevent blood clots from the mechanical valve.
While in the hospital I thought about what our mutual desire is, and that is not to allow alcohol to control us. Some do it through moderation, while others have no option but through abstinence. I work in an industry where alcohol is abundant, either through personal consumption, or in a work environment where it is very socially acceptable to have a 3 martini lunch. I always considered myself a functional alcoholic as I always had the nice house, nice cars, etc. What I realized though is that due to alcohol, I was not as functional as I could have been. Do material things make up a person? Of course they do not, but they are also a measure of success in the business world. Therefore, I was after all, not functional. As time progressed, I made wrong business decisions as well as wrong personal decisions. I had a lot of time to think about this while lying there alone with tubes, and bells and whistles coming out from all parts of my body this past week. I had a choice as to take a mechanical valve or a flesh valve. The upside to a flesh valve is no long term medications, the down side is potential surgery again in 10-15 years. I chose the mechanical valve for the obvious reason (don?t wanna do this again) but also because alcohol is an element that can negate the affects of coumidan and render it useless in the body. Therefore, if I go out with friends, using the excuse to not drink due to medication is very real. It is also very real to me because I know it is true. I am 3 weeks AF, totally detoxed and have NOT HAD ONE craving, mostly due to the desire to WANT to live and be proud of my life. This is a huge accomplishment coming from someone who would have a few glasses of wine before brushing his teeth in the morning.
I have to say that since I mostly only visited chat, I haven?t had the chance to share my story with many of you. But now that I have told you the seriousness of where I was, the fear that I had to help myself get better with an operation due to detoxing, I am saying to those of you who are new here to STAY here and seek out the help that does exist here. Do NOT be afraid of people on here, do not be concerned with sharing your feelings and always look to be there to see if you can offer at least a kind shoulder for someone to cry on. You never know, it might be you that is in need of that help one day. So, in 11 months from now, you will still find me here, but I will then be able to say that I am one year totally AF and that is how I intend on spending my life. Again, thanks to the people that make up MWO and your support. I will be there for you one day I hope.
- Chris.
While in the hospital I thought about what our mutual desire is, and that is not to allow alcohol to control us. Some do it through moderation, while others have no option but through abstinence. I work in an industry where alcohol is abundant, either through personal consumption, or in a work environment where it is very socially acceptable to have a 3 martini lunch. I always considered myself a functional alcoholic as I always had the nice house, nice cars, etc. What I realized though is that due to alcohol, I was not as functional as I could have been. Do material things make up a person? Of course they do not, but they are also a measure of success in the business world. Therefore, I was after all, not functional. As time progressed, I made wrong business decisions as well as wrong personal decisions. I had a lot of time to think about this while lying there alone with tubes, and bells and whistles coming out from all parts of my body this past week. I had a choice as to take a mechanical valve or a flesh valve. The upside to a flesh valve is no long term medications, the down side is potential surgery again in 10-15 years. I chose the mechanical valve for the obvious reason (don?t wanna do this again) but also because alcohol is an element that can negate the affects of coumidan and render it useless in the body. Therefore, if I go out with friends, using the excuse to not drink due to medication is very real. It is also very real to me because I know it is true. I am 3 weeks AF, totally detoxed and have NOT HAD ONE craving, mostly due to the desire to WANT to live and be proud of my life. This is a huge accomplishment coming from someone who would have a few glasses of wine before brushing his teeth in the morning.
I have to say that since I mostly only visited chat, I haven?t had the chance to share my story with many of you. But now that I have told you the seriousness of where I was, the fear that I had to help myself get better with an operation due to detoxing, I am saying to those of you who are new here to STAY here and seek out the help that does exist here. Do NOT be afraid of people on here, do not be concerned with sharing your feelings and always look to be there to see if you can offer at least a kind shoulder for someone to cry on. You never know, it might be you that is in need of that help one day. So, in 11 months from now, you will still find me here, but I will then be able to say that I am one year totally AF and that is how I intend on spending my life. Again, thanks to the people that make up MWO and your support. I will be there for you one day I hope.
- Chris.
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