30 days???

[Guest]

30 days???

Morrison,
IT does help and has helped MANY of us. BUT, you have to want it. There is no magic pill, no magic words, no magic period! It is hard damn gut wrenching work and you have to want it more than you want that drink. I hate you are having such a bad time! Keep trying! One day it just clicks in and you are able to do it.

[12many]

30 days???

Morrison-

Hang in there. Keep coming back.

Last night I slipped, but I'm hopeful for tonight. I'll try the librium.

What I didn't expect about quitting was what it would feel like when I slipped. It hurts so much worse than a bout of over-doing it when I wasn't trying to get better. Now that I've found this place I see that its not the end of the world and the process isn't a loss. I'll just get back at it with some new resolve and do what I can to quiet the self-defeating thoughts in my head.

-Dave

[Niblet]

30 days???

Keep on using all the tools in that belt of yours Morrison... Baby steps help too... We all wish we could help to make this easier for you, but all we can do is be there as a soft place for you... We all need a soft place...

Welcome Dave. Hope that you can stick around and hang with us here...

Magic, You Ol Turkey Plucker You !!! LOL !!! You crack me up !

Bird, have you tried nail polish remover? If all else fails, paint thinner.. harsh, but atleast the finger stays... LMAO

It is true what they say about turkey making you tired because we were in bed by 8:30 last night... ha !!! haaa !! We slept until 7 so now I'm all bright eyed and bushy-tailed... Looks like I may get to hang some laundry outside too...

Bear, I know you are so busy with getting back on track at work etc, but we'd love to hear a line or two from you buddy if you can squeeze in the time.. we all miss you terribly.

Bootsie, you never cease to amaze me...
More2 thank-you for keeping us in your prayers sweetie. I pray that you have a really wonderful day.
Luv, enjoy your dinner tonight. It sounds totally yummy for sure !!!
Again, Morrison, stick around with us and help us to help you anyway we can... We all love you very much and care deeply about your wellbeing... Hugs All,

[bootcampbarbie]

30 days???

hey dave its good to have you here. tawny great to have you stop by. now for swearing. damn damn damn. morrison, i know i said i was working til 11 p.m. and i did indeed just jump in that little rental of mine at that time. and even still buddy. i wish to god you would have called me and you know you can as i had my cel phone on me the entire day. please hon call me before putting the poison in your body. i could have moved one of those appts to another time and i would have been more than happy to do it. so what is done is done. but i realized now in reading my post that you called me exactly when i said i was off and by then it was too late. so, we start anew okay? yeahhh you get more power in that tool belt over there. and you get to move i pray out of that apartment and away from your friends. but as i said last nite you have some choices to make. mamabootsie loves you.
okay, all wow, great success this weekend i think. time to hit it. i'll check in later. you are all in my prayers. and happy thanksgiving again to all my favorite canadians. nibs you are never ending sunlight that's all i can say. i'd love to have a turkey sandwich. but i have to work of the bootsie fat first. somehow i started liking eating too much and in tinsel town that is a death wish. so, i have to wean myself off of food for awhile. back to a little itty bitty meal a day, exercise and lots of tea. i call it darwin's theory here. the competition in beauty land is wayy to extreme. hahahahahaahhaahaha. okay topamaxing it up. better get in the rest of those lovely supplements. oh and here comes that yummy kashi my only meal of the day. ohhhhh can't wait for sawdust. but then again here comes abs and then back to 110 lbs and size 0. yeahhhhhhh.
doggies say hi. we are dawning our hiking gear before work.

[morrison]

30 days???

God, I'm so pathetic. I lasted a full 4 days. Why was this so easy before? Not easy, but it seems like I was able to go weeks. And each time since I want to commit, I can only go a few days? I'm seeing my pdoc tomorrow cause I need my meds, but I'm telling him I have to get something that will gaurentee I don't drink. I need the stuff that will make me puke if I drink. There is ZERO doubt in my mind that I will be dead soon if I don't. ZERO. I know I can get suicidal, and If I'm smashed, I could do it. I'm being honest here. I just have a bad attitude at times, and I'm sick of being sick. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disgrace the board. I know it helps. It helps a lot. You know I know this. I just get frustrated. I don't know why I had some beers during the games. I even wrote about it on here. But, I went and had a "couple." haha. Well, you know how that goes with my type of drunk. I drank until I was an angry f***ing a***ole. I got kicked out of a local watering hole, and while leaving called everybody a pack of c**ts!! I did go back to apologize, but what the hell was the anger about? Boots, I'm so sorry I called you in that condition. And sadly, I am helpless when I'm at that point. Believe me. Just hang up if I do that. Nobody deserves that type of disrespect. I'm gonna continue to fight on. I just don't see me winning. I can't expect to be forgiven over and over.

[morrison]

30 days???

12many;205734 wrote: Morrison-

Hang in there. Keep coming back.

Last night I slipped, but I'm hopeful for tonight. I'll try the librium.

What I didn't expect about quitting was what it would feel like when I slipped. It hurts so much worse than a bout of over-doing it when I wasn't trying to get better. Now that I've found this place I see that its not the end of the world and the process isn't a loss. I'll just get back at it with some new resolve and do what I can to quiet the self-defeating thoughts in my head.

-Dave

Dave, :welcome: and I love your screen name. And you're exactly right about the self-defeating thoughts. I know it too well. Wow, now that I think about it, that is probably what puts that first drink in my hand. For example, I wanted to enjoy the games with friends. We would have had a blast regardless. But, I'm so insecure that I will do something or say something stupid, that I want a beer to "take the edge off." You know, let the ambitions go so I can get rowdy with the crowd and all. What bullshit of me. Why can't I be comfortable in my own skin? Ugggh. I hate it. Ironically, I worry so much about being a dick, that I guarantee that I become a dick.

Oh, and is it just me, or does anybody else have to spell check the word "guarantee?"

[morrison]

30 days???

Oh, and just to call myself out. I just composed those last two posts in no time at all, with near perfect clarity. Then, I look at the dribble I was spewing last night. See the difference? I sure do. I heard once that you can lose 50 IQ points when drinking. I know that is not hard science. But, I think we can agree, that NOBODY, barring a few people in the world, could lose that many IQ points and still be taken seriously. HAha. I mentioned this to one of my friends, and he is truly so arrogant, that when I said that nobody could drop 50 IQ points, he said "I can." And he wasn't joking. He's an ass, but we love em anyway. :H

[morrison]

30 days???

I fooled you all!!

Haha. Damn, I fooled all of you. I must be the greatest actor in the world. I'm not really a drunk. I've been preparing for a movie on the life of David Hasselhoff. I've got a Wendys burger all over the place as I type this.

Please, I need some attention today!! :upset: Nobody is writing. :upset:

Now I'm in silly mode, and that is just not good. :crazymonkey: :banana:

[magic]

30 days???

Morrison!!!!!!!

Missed you're postings of the night but I do have an observation......You're a right fucking smart guy.

This is a progressive thing, you know, which is why you are finding it harder not easier. Be straight up with the doctor tomorrow, about everything.

Get the chemicals in that old brain of yours to total up correctly to start with and then.......people like us, well, we have to take the damn pills......you goof.

I just switched one of mine trying to get of the headache every morning that never seemed to end.

You, my friend, seem to have many insights into your behaviour. Now you just need to make some changes.

#1. No more Sunday football for a while. Trigger.

I do see you winning. It's just not football.

I can't spell worth shit. Never could.

Keep on posting today, in your silly mood. Get those thoughts out.

m. xx:l

[morrison]

30 days???

magic, if you're as cute as that cat in the avatar, we're getting married. Right fucking smart guy? Haha. I love it. Never been called that before. Like the sound of it though. Yes, I have a lot of understanding of my behavior. Probably adds to the frustration. How can somebody that is a right fucking smart guy be so f'ed up? I'd like to disillusion myself at times I guess. Maybe believe that I have it all together. And when in struggle, I'm the tormented genius like Picasso, or Poe. Fact is, I'm just like everybody else. We are born alone, we live alone, and we die alone.

[Guest]

30 days???

Morrison,
I think the anger and frustration comes from KNOWING you could do better and should, but drinking anyway. I was the SAME EXACT WAY! I am a completely different person when I drink. I have never talked about the last time I got drunk, but it was BAD....I cussed everyone in the house out, smashed a computer, riped a door off the hinges and I couldn't tell you what triggered it, other than I was SICK of myself. That was the worst night of my life. My kids saw it all! I gave it up that night. I had hidden my real bad drinking spells from my kids, would hide over at a friends house on binges. But, that night they saw it all and my daughter cried and cried. NEVER EVER again. I felt the same way you do...if I didn't stop, I would be dead....the depression was so bad and drunk, I was capable of killing myself because I didn't care if I lived or died. I would cry so long and hard I burst vessels in my face.
Be honest with your doc tomorrow!!!!! AND we will always love you and be here!!!! ALWAYS! It does help to come here, just keep coming...good days and bad days. HUGS to ya!

[magic]

30 days???

Morrison......I have a son who is not "gifted" he is "brilliant".

Labels aside, the kid just doesn't think like the rest of the world and it's so flipping hard to convince him of that. He thinks he is normal and it's the rest of us who are screwy.Three quarters of the time I haven't a clue what he is going on about, his siblings ask him, not very nicely, to stop using "book learnin' " words. LOL "Normal" he is not.

Ah, but then we have the age old question "What is normal?" Does anyone know?

He is very hard to live with, LOL, but as he is only 15, I'm stuck. I worry that he is headed for trouble. Frustration is his middle name!

My grave marker will read......"That Child."

The world is geared to average people. Average everything. We "average" it all.

Average income, age, development, weight,.......average intelligence.

The fact that you know Picasso and Poe at all tells me you are not average in the grand scheme of things. (People on this board don't count, we are all too damn smart)

Yes, we are born alone and we die alone but.....we do not live alone.

Not nearly as cute as Jemimah, who is stuffed with turkey,...... she is expecting siblings on Friday!

Doing good...keep on writing, we'll keep reading. We all struggle, my friend, with the demon, the darkness, the feelings we would rather not have.
You have to get used to feeling the feelings.

m. xx

[morrison]

30 days???

Luv, not to make light of things, but I just had to point out something. Difference between men and women.

Women cry and bust vessels in their face

Men make other people cry and bust other peoples faces.

Sad really. But true. I love you Luv. I'm just not as strong yet. I'll get there though. Thanks for the words of encouragement.

[morrison]

30 days???

magic, I am far from brilliant. But I feel for you with your son. My mother will sometimes tell me stories of how hard it was to handle me, and she will literally start crying. I would feel so bad. She would tell me how I would just hide for over a day, and she would find me, and I'd be laughing while she was screaming at the top of her lungs. She would have to give me a spanking, and she said I would look up and say, "Mommy, I don't understand, I thought we were playing hide and seek?" It's just interesting that those "differences" you speak of don't really go away as we get older. Sure, we acquire a vast amount of knowledge, but our perception does not change so easily. I've mentioned it before in other threads. The thing that scares me the most about myself, is the fact I don't scare as much as I should. Does that sound like your son?

[bootcampbarbie]

30 days???

hey morrison. or as i like to call you cheese head. lol my favorite mayor. you know i am always a phone call away when i can support you but when someone is way gone i do just hang up as there just isn't anything i can do. so there you go. you weren't offensive at all. i just stopped answering. so, here's the dealio. drugs and booze are a deadly combo. both need to go. both and i don't know which will kill you first but well together they are like the couple from hell. i am happy you are on day 1. no more games, or bars. god i couldn't walk into a bar like that crazy mayor. gosh i love you. k
humm. and i can drop at least 50 points in i.q. by titrating up in my topamax. god how embarrasing this weekend. i'm having these strategy meetings with possible clients and i keep having these topamax no can come up with the thought, answer, concept moments. well bluff it. eventually i'll settle in. i am just going to have to sit down this week and design a curriculum because i'm a bit fuzzy. and i need the support to provide the value. phewwy.. but at least i'm sober..... sober and tired. well can't get my test results for the hormone stuff til month end so hanging on by my finger nails. god, help me. i'm thinking that by november i will feel like a whole new skinny sober bootsie barbie girl.
until then i'm kind barbie that sometimes becomes mean barbie or uhoh just drank a bottle of wine barbie. good news is that i once was a drink a bottle to two every nite. so at least those days are gone. thank you. i do say though while titrating up to 200, at the 100 mark it has been that behavior came back so that i'm at doing that 2 times a week. and a month ago i did it 4 nites in a week. soooooo, not good. and you'd think i'd have better self esteem about myself. i suppose this seems like progress but somehow it still feels gross. one nite a few weeks ago i swear to god my girlfriend and i started out in the afternoon and by the days end i had consumed almost 2 bottles in the entire day. so i guess this ramble sorry about it. i just feel defeated at times. even though i've made progress. these stops and starts at times ugh feel like fat defeated bootsie girl. so come on cheese wiz mayor. you and i pull up by the bootstraps. go get your meds. i'm on mine. and with dave in tow we do this one day at a time.

so, thanks for listening. i'll dust off now. i'm af for over a week and i'm going to lose the weight fricking 7 lbs bye bye. at least i'm not alcohol puff face barbie. cuz we know that is never an attractive look any day.