30 days???

[Guest]

30 days???

Nibs, thank-you. Just being here for me, listening to me whine...means the world to me. I am just so very upset. I know it is best, but that doesn't ease my pain right now, right this minute. I thank God for my dear friends on this site. I have been on here all day. It is what has kept me sobber and will keep me sobber through this.

[MDBiker]

30 days???

Luv, it is OK to cry. Even if it last a few days, it will not hurt anything. Don't hold your emotions in, that can be a disaster. You know how much your mom loves you and she knows how much you love her. Her decision was probably made considering all the best options; best for her, best for her family, best for her children, and best for her heart.

My dad had a very fast acting cancer and he only lived about 5 weeks after they found it. I was working two states away and could only come down for a short while before I had to return to work. Of course none of us imagined he would go so quickly. While I was at the hospital just before I returned to my work I went in to see him. He hugged me and kissed me and told me to take care of myself and my mom. I had visited him there in the ICU several times, but this time his voice sounded funny. I asked him if he was alright and he told me not to worry, that it would be ok. I realized then that he was crying and trying to talk through it so I wouldn't get upset. That was the last time I saw him. He died a couple of weeks later while I was frantically trying to get back to the hospital to see him one last time. It broke my heart. When I got to the hospital and found he had already passed away; I literally fell to my knees and felt as if my heart had been torn out. I really can't find the words to explain how I felt.

Now I realize that it was a blessing for me to remember him as he was before. Talking to my brother, he was absent days before his body finally gave up. I didn't even view the body at the funeral because I didn't want to remember him like that. Luv, I believe God has a plan, and that plan will come to fruition regardless of what you or I do to screw it up or enhance it. One day at a time, that is all we have. God has given you a year with your mom. I know it has been hard and stressful, but you will look back later and realize what a wonderful gift it was.

So go ahead and cry. I am right now myself. It isn't a bad thing, it just shows how much you love each other.

God Bless

:huggy

bear

[Guest]

30 days???

Papa Bear,
Thank-you from the bottom of my heart. I think God knows my limits right now AND what my children can handle. Watching Mama slowly die has been very hard, but the closer the end gets, the harder on us it is getting. Our home has been full of grief for a long time. Just as we began to smile, our smiles were shattered with cancer. I will be able to remember Mama's smile. My children will be able to remember her smile. If she stays even 1 more month, we won't. I physically can not care for her anymore without help. I would have to hire someone. It just makes sense for her to go home for her last days. I do plan to fly home. I will not view her body. I do not wish to remember her like that. Drinking at this point would further depression. I know this. I was SO DEPRESSED after Billy died, I honestly didn't care if I lived or died sometimes. I never want that feeling back again.

[Determinatrix]

30 days???

Bear - well said, as always. You brought tears to my eyes.

Luv - it's great to see the positive in this. But take the time to feel sad.
Hug your kids. Be nice to yourself.

Staying sober can be a way of honoring your mother and what she has helped you with.

Mucho love,
Dx

[Guest]

30 days???

DX- I have cried all day. Every time I look at her, I cry. I say I will fly home, but the reality is when she leaves here, it may be the last time I see her. I have no guarantee she will live until I can get home to see her for a visit. I just have to take it one day at a time.

[KatieSmiles]

30 days???

Luv
It breaks my heart to read your posts.
My mother passed away last November and I was very close to her.

Her last day alive (in hospital) she asked me to stay awhile, after visiting hours.
She was so very sick, I think she knew.
I eventually went home after staying several hours and she passed shortly after I had left.

Sometimes I feel very sad for not staying with her longer and being there for her at the end, other times I feel relieved that I did not witness her death.

Life is a curious thing,
Stay strong.

Big Hugs
K

[Guest]

30 days???

Katie-
Thank-you for dropping by and supporting me. The next few days are going to be pretty hard. I am trying my hardest to hold my head up.

[KatieSmiles]

30 days???

Hang tough little one!

You have the strength.
I know it, you know it, all of your MWO friends know it.

One step at a time Luv,
xo
K

[planetjanet]

30 days???

Hello Everyone,

Count me in, AF Day 3 for me will be tonight at 8:00pm. I can't even begin to express how much I am so determined to fight this "beast". Amelia, how are you doing? How is the boyfriend situation holding up? I hope everyone else is doing well and let's get these AF Days count to double digits....yahoooo!!!

Luv, feel free to "whine whine" away, we are all here to support you and best of luck with your mom.

Anywho, gotta run but will come back later!!

Big hugs,
Janet

[Niblet]

30 days???

Hello everybody,
You have been on my mind Luv off and on all day... We all want you to feel our love and support...
Bear, thank-you for sharing your heart wrenching experience.. My heart ached reading it and I had to grab some kleexex.

A big Welcome Janet !!! Come here often to feel the support from others going through the very same thing as yourself...

Last night it began pouring rain with the forecast changing to snow... We now have high winds, blizzard conditions and snow drifts everywhere... The plows aren't out and Highway 17 is closed I understand from Sudbury Ontario all the way to Wawa Ontario... Approximately 600 miles of highway shutdown.. the city of Sault Ste. Marie is closed even !!! As I type I can hear our snowmachine... Hubby is enjoying opening all the trails in the bush along with a chainsaw.. High winds brought down branches and some small trees.
I hope that everybody around here stays home safe and sound.
Take Good Care everybody !!!
PS, Bird, thank you so much for the baby goat pictures as well as the one with your daughter and Cookie Jr... How sweet of you !! xxxxx
Hugs and Love, Prayers to you Luv,

[Guest]

30 days???

Welcome Janet!!! YEAH for you. We are beating this one day at a time and all together. Bear I thought of your story all day. Nibs is right it was heart wrenching. God bless you all. I so appreciate each of your support.

[Guest]

30 days???

Goodmorning all. Today is the big day. Mama is leaving for sure today. She is all packed, my step dad was able to wire the money to her ...he has been snowed in, in Montana. I am really OK. Sad but OK. I am really doing good with this. I am actually ready to be with my children again. Our lives have been upside so long, I am happy to see normalcy coming. SAD, very sad to see Mama go, but it is best for us all. If she stays I see myself slipping into depression, which means drink. Watching her slowly die is taking it's toll on all of us. If I were in a better mindset I could do this, but in light of the past 2 years it is just to hard right now.

[Cinders]

30 days???

Luv,

I am so glad you are finally realizing this is a good thing. I know it is stilll going to be hard. Just remember, think about positive things you can do now to fill up the time you have been spending taking care of mama.

Wow, I'll bet there are a bunch of things you can think of to do with your kids or for yourself now that you could not do before!!

Love,
Cindi

[MDBiker]

30 days???

Hold on Luv, you are doing fine. Feel the load lifted from your body. It is an amazing thing. God Bless Your Mom, She knows what she is doing and she is happy with it. You both will experience a freedom from this move.

:huggy

bear

[toughintexas]

30 days???

Ok guys, I posted to LuvBug on the other thread, and have been trying desperately to catch up....whew! Luv, you now offically have more time to help US....lol.....Ya know, you are one of our biggest backbones on here, you and Papa, so we're gonna be more greedy now, we know you have a lil extra time for OUR whinning too...HA HA HA!!!!! Orlando as a place to go, personally to me, sucks, unless you are going to Disney...lol...BUT, I am getting an article PUBLISHED by a major newspaper, and at least 1 magazine...I kinda "BS'd" my way into it, as usual...lol....I've got tons of homework to do, and lots of learning, but, its fun, and different, and couldn't be done, drinking or hungover, so its a change of habits, and a new focus....gotta have 'em! The society seminar was totally enlightening, my brain almost burst tho...and man, the Travel guru's can "hang"....whew...San Pellingrino was a good thing to have close by....it was a test tho, I passed tho, one night I really beat up on myself for having 1 more wine than I intended too, but, that was one glass, one night, and this time last year, it'd been way too many, way too many nights, so, I'm proud instead of down! I feel so enpowered with each and everyday that I wake up, and rejoice with a clear head! It's sooooo incredible isn't it Luv and Bear, and Morrison and More2, and Boots...its soooo way cool...lol....I just want to tell you all, that I took each of you, on my shoulder with me, in spirit, and you were all there giving me support! This group is the BEST....Luv, I want you to go do something just for you...go get a massage, heck even if its winter, get a pedi, take Brit too, just pamper yourself, you deserve it! Bird, good going for you too, you crack me up, ya know, we do have to not sweat the small stuff, and Bear is right, its all small stuff...but if we let it get to us, then we'll use it to have an excuse to drink... I've noticed that the Boogie Man has tried to enter my mind lately alot, like the better we do, the more the ol Devil is gonna try to reel us back in...bad thoughts pop in my head, or I remember things I don't want to dwell on, old crap...and so I just say..."Nope, I'm praying this away...pray it away!".... As soon as the old tapes start to play, I immediately stop, and say a prayer, for it to get out of my mind, asap! It's just something that works for me, we all have our own thing, but that seems to work for me right this minute! I love you all!