30 days???

[Niblet]

30 days???

Hello, I'm home from the BBQ. Visit with Mom was uneventful. She sent us home with a bag of stuff, everything I have ever given her. Tonight while unpacking it I found a cookbook. In the cook book was a letter with "Heather" on the outside of it. Opened it. It simply said I wanted to sit and have a talk to just you but you make it clear that you don't want anything to do with me. That is your choice. I wish we could spend more time together, I miss you. I have lung cancer and will have surgery in the next few weeks. I love you dearly, Mom.
I honestly don't feel. I am numb. I don't feel anything. I feel sad that we had lost such a close relationship from when I was a teenager, but she has harboured horrible untruths about me that my older sister said about me. My whole family thought I was robbing my bedbound dying gramma for gosh sakes. I know that I'm not bitter, or hold a grudge. I just let it go a few years ago, and have really honestly moved on. I feel guilty not being sad. So guys, do I let on that I didn't unpack the stuff and didn't get the message (cowards way out) Do I call her tomorrow (which I likely will do, I have a heart.) Sounds like I've already answered my own question.... I just don't feel, and that disturbs me...Maybe it hasn't sunk in... I just read this 10 minutes ago. This will not make me drink though, and I'm looking forward to day 8 Tomorrow... I just had to type this down cause it is just a ball in my gut you know? As I turn this corner I'm blessed to have you all... xxx

[bird]

30 days???

Nibs, my Mom was so difficult also and always putting me down. Anyway I left the day I graduated high school. A few years later she was not doing that great and I went back to visit but it was still the same shit. Anyway she died when I was 24 and I had to go tend to that since I was the only child. I didnt shed a tear and her brother was yelling at me you should have been here blah blah but I couldnt have been. I still have nightmares about her sometimes. I can see now that I'm older she had alot of problems. Anyway what I'm saying is dont feel guilty for not feeling......we went all over today. I wanted to go somewhere and thought of this state park about 1 1/2 hour away we hadnt been to so we left and what a hike. Anyway got through that and there was another one down the rad so we went there and another one below that one so we went there and just got home. So 3 state parks in one day and now we are gonna dye eggs. I'm so tired. later on folks love bird

[Dolly Sunshine]

30 days???

Niblet;296488 wrote: Hello, I'm home from the BBQ. Visit with Mom was uneventful. She sent us home with a bag of stuff, everything I have ever given her. Tonight while unpacking it I found a cookbook. In the cook book was a letter with "Heather" on the outside of it. Opened it. It simply said I wanted to sit and have a talk to just you but you make it clear that you don't want anything to do with me. That is your choice. I wish we could spend more time together, I miss you. I have lung cancer and will have surgery in the next few weeks. I love you dearly, Mom.
I honestly don't feel. I am numb. I don't feel anything. I feel sad that we had lost such a close relationship from when I was a teenager, but she has harboured horrible untruths about me that my older sister said about me. My whole family thought I was robbing my bedbound dying gramma for gosh sakes. I know that I'm not bitter, or hold a grudge. I just let it go a few years ago, and have really honestly moved on. I feel guilty not being sad. So guys, do I let on that I didn't unpack the stuff and didn't get the message (cowards way out) Do I call her tomorrow (which I likely will do, I have a heart.) Sounds like I've already answered my own question.... I just don't feel, and that disturbs me...Maybe it hasn't sunk in... I just read this 10 minutes ago. This will not make me drink though, and I'm looking forward to day 8 Tomorrow... I just had to type this down cause it is just a ball in my gut you know? As I turn this corner I'm blessed to have you all... xxx

I signed on just to speak to you...Please call her tomorrow but also please be honest about where you at, where you have been and why. I'm begging you to try and make it right but know that if it's not that it wasn't your fault.

[Niblet]

30 days???

Thanks, I will carry you all on my shoulder, fit some of you on my back, stuff some of you in my purse, but you will all be with me as I walk this tough walk. I need you all right now, and you haven't let me down...I do feel and know it wasn't my fault, I no longer sob into the mirror looking for answers of simply " why " would you not love me and treat me as I deserve. I'm beyond that... this will not be easy. Thanks so much for your insight bird, thank you for being there for me when I needed you Dolly you piece of sunshine xxx

[magic]

30 days???

My Dear Niblet.....

I want to congratulate you on DAY EIGHT!!!!!!! Fabulous.

I am sorry about your mom. The mother/daughter relationship is so complex and so hard.

I love my mother dearly, it wasn't until after her death that I realised how unhealthy she was and her effect on me..even as an adult. I miss her every day though and despite her faults I still love her with a very large part of my heart.

When I was able to look back on her own upbringing and her relationship with her family of origin and my father I can see that she did the best that she could with what she had.
She taught me many unhealthy behaviours, drinking wasn't one of them, some of which i am still dealing with at the ripe age of 52. I think it will be a life long process.

My advice is to give yourself some time. You are allowed to feel or not feel, to care or not.
The ball in your gut is telling you something..you just have to figure out what it is.

Birdy, girl, I have to congratulate you TOO!!!!! I agree with everyone else, you are just the best mom. I think that everytime I read one of your posts.

Cindi.....my love, :l

Gotta go take a turkey out of the oven.

m. xxxxxxx

[Leyla]

30 days???

LEYLA

Wow, sounds great to me. I wanted to do this anyways. I have 8 days today, but I would love to join your group. I HAVE FAITH!

[MDBiker]

30 days???

Congrats on the 8 days NIbs and Leyla. :goodjob: and welcome leyla.

Sunshine makes a lot of sense to me; and if we agree it must be right ...right?

Mama bear and I have been painting the house the last two days. Outside painting when we need to be working on the inside; but it was requested by the lake board that our "cement" needed to be painted before the next board meeting. It is painted now, but I was going to take it all out and put in some more parking. Now I am going to leave the ugly hillside until later.

It is way past my bedtime. I hope all of you have a great Sunday.

:huggy
bear

[Cinders]

30 days???

Nibs,

I am so very sorry to hear that your mama has lung cancer and am amazed she very manipulatively chose to tell you the way she did.

Simply do the right things, which I know you will.

I'll be standing right beside you and ready to grab your hand anytime you need it!!

Love,
Cindi

[tea]

30 days???

Nibs, congrats on being sober, just a thought - why don't you write her a note, post it to her and pour your heart out just like you have here, she can either then ignore it or respond to you, I feel she is manipulating your feelings here, put the ball back into her court, the worst thing to happen is you will be exactly where you are now, the best is that perhaps you both can mend the bridges...

Lxx

[Niblet]

30 days???

Good morning, and I truely am grateful to you all... really xxx
Tea, I actually woke with that very thought also because I tense up around her and my hands sweat... I'm sooo uneasy , yet have so many strong, yet compassionate feelings... I am more articulate on paper and I think I will write her a letter.. Not out of spite, but because I just don't know how to talk to her. She is very overbearing, takes things the wrong way and FLIPS out . I've never made her flip out, but I've sure seen it ! I don't want that especially now.
I said to hubby, I'm surprised that I was able to sleep lastnight, and his reply was " that is because your conscience is clear and you feel no guilt"... I agree... I will sit and start a letter today.
I will simply explain truthfully that I able to express myself better on paper and hope that she can understand that. Thank-You for your hand outreached Cindi, I may reach for it knowing full-well you will be there..Love you. Magic, you are just such a wise woman... We are so blessed to have you, truely we are. Bear, don't overwork yourself, it's Sunday and you should rest. I'll bet your place is looking spiffy, groovey though eh? Yep, I'm old enough to use those words I'm so grateful to be sober in mind and spirit to handle this. Thank-You Lord for this day. God is good.
Leyla, Congratulations on 8 days !!! Welcome to our group full of compassionate people. I love that you say, " I have faith"... That says it all xxx

Happy Easter everybody ! Today we will have a ham dinner with our boys.
Well, with a clear mind I will start my letter. Can you all critique it for me when it is complete. I know you will all give me your honest opinions.
Have a wonderful Easter xxx

[Noelle]

30 days???

Niblet, I'd love the critique your letter. I was an english/psych major and I have a pretty good idea how you feel about your mom.

Free help available! :h

[Niblet]

30 days???

Thank-You Noelle, xxx
I did call Mom after much thought and left her a message asking her to call me back when she had some time...She called me back an hour or so later...
At first she was as expected.. half-cocked... "you and Gary are a unit " blah blah, (defensive talk) I allowed her edginess to relax... when I felt her start to breath, I simply agreed that she had every reason to feel that I've not bothered with her,... I could feel her relax a bit then.
I did explain to her that I wasn't angry or bitter but rather disappointed we don't have the trusting relationship like all those years ago. Condensed version, She said never did believe a word about my stealing yet didn't want to get in the middle... so I was basically left out in left field like a mushroom for 2 plus years. To her it wasn't a big deal...I feel relieved explaining that I've been a flight type person since I was very young. I even told her about my brother beating the crap out of me, and at the same time telling me I would die if I told anybody... I now feel sorry for him in a way. He was and likely still is such a cowardly low person. So I explained that I mourned the loss of her and my sisters in a way, but didn't want to expose myself to the untruths and negativity.. I told her I was not going down that road ever again. I told her that I was so very happy in my life (actual words), and pardon my language, but I don't want to F@#*K with it. (said like, as a matter of fact) She began to understand where I was coming from and that I do love her very much, but I'm a survivor that has been burned one too many times. I really feel that it was an impowering experience for both her and I. I could feel for the first time likely ever that I was speaking for myself strongly and solid as a rock. Very compassionate, but TO THE POINT. We said I love you's, and she will keep touch should any changes arise.. I'll call her every few days to see how her day is.
Apparently though her cancer is highly operable and the doctor is extremely optimistic. It is a small bit that will be removed. Please say a prayer that it is as it seems..
Oh, (right near the beginning of our conversation when she relaxed a bit ) Mom said, " I deserve this because I've been a smoker knowing the dangers all these years"... I sternly said,>> " I don't want you to EVER say again that you deserve this. Smoking was soooo excepted all those years ago and I know how hard it is to quit... I smoked when I was a teenager for 5 years"

[Cinders]

30 days???

Nibs,

You not only didn't put me to sleep, you made me feel so much better for how you are going to feel about this whole thing.

I am glad you asserted yourself without making her lose face. Very smart and very kind.

Just like you are!!

Love,
Cindi

[magic]

30 days???

Ah, Nibs,

I have goosebumps. That took guts. (Our Cindi is so much more diplomatic than I....)

I am so very pleased for both of you.

I'm glad you stood up and spoke your truth and I'm glad she listened.

I'm also pleased her prognosis is favorable.

Perhaps this is another beginning.

m. xxx

[Noelle]

30 days???

Congrats Nibs......bet you didn't think you had all that in you, did you?? But you did!!!!!