30 days???

[buckledown]

30 days???

Hello! I am posting here for the first time i think...i read here often and get so much inspiration...My kids are back in school and I am reflecting on my first sober summer...wow what a difference...I remember it all! It was really great and my kids are still flourishing...I am coming up on 7 months AF and recently I have had all kinds of garbage surfacing from my childhood as I was raised in an alcoholic household...I'm not sure what to do with all these feelings and sadness...I went to a children of alcoholics Ala non meeting and found people with similar issues...AA never worked for me and lenair did, so I am not sure if I will fit in there of if they will find my lenair experience a negative...i could not handle that as it was the biggest blessing for me- still can not believe it...however, taking the AL away for me has left me with a lot of feelings I do not know how to deal with...Lenair left me with a sense of peace and well being and now these feelings have surfaced-YUCK!...any ideas or stuff that has worked for anyone...I want to keep growing and changing on this journey and I don't like these new SUPER STRONG feelings of anger towards my parents...and memories of abuse and choices they made that I could never make as a parent- HOW COULD THEY?so sad...I just cant stand being in this negative head space...thanks for reading...xx buckle

[brittzak]

30 days???

First of all, glad you are here Buckle!!!! You are doing great. You should feel very proud. Seems when we sober many of us start getting the blues as the reasons we began drinking in the first place are still there and need to be dealt with. TALK.....get it out. Go to meetings if they help or find another support group or therapist. The main thing is to let it out and deal with it without drinking...which you are doing.

[toughintexas]

30 days???

Buckle, congrats on such a HUGE success! WOW! I know that we all have "issues", and that lots of times, they are the catalyst to making us drink (self-medicating)....I've been going for years, since first divorce, to a councelor, and it really helped to get past the "crud" and hurts of our past....see if you can find a good councelor, one that maybe specializes in abuse, or family, it can really help to talk it out, and let them give you ways to get past it. I have some of those too, about my parents, and it takes just letting it go, to get it gone, but, its a exercise to do it. I hate to keep bringing this up, but since most of you know about my last crisis with my daughter and my stepdad committing suicide, which forced me to put my feelings aside about my Mom, the Celebrate Recovery deal really helped, and most of you know the councelor that had helped me for years, that kinda turned into a friend, at which I now know, you should see someone else for issues after that happens...well, the Celebrate Recovery, has councelors that are just for this reason, to deal with the issues we have, for "hurts, hang-ups, and habits", this is a worldwide program, very non-judgemental, and for alcohol, and food addictions, or co-dependancy.... the councelor I saw, was amazing....I had more "break-thrus" about things with her, 2x, than a year with the other councelor....its a minimal fee if you aren't a member of whatever church it is, and free if you are a member....they have them everywhere, world-wide, so you might check that out. Otherwise, get a good private councelor.....you'll feel much, much better! I'm soooo proud of you for your AF months, that is just sooooo inspirational all in itself, and I'm sooooo glad you were one of the ones that Lenair helped! Boots goes back to her for the same type of issues you have now, have you thought of calling Rhonda about these too???? Love you all tons!

[cowgal]

30 days???

hey

Just wanted to let you all know it does get worse when we start drinking heavily again..............hate to be a let-down, but just got "let go" from my job...............alcohol blood test was negative (which I knew it would be) but going in hung over after Mike's and my fight last Sunday night, drank WAYYYYY too much, well, that did it....................they just told me and I have NO idea how to take it, have no job, no insurance, no hope..........................:upset::upset:

sorry to be a downer.:upset:

love you guys, don't know what to do, but am still going to Lenair, so TNT, hope you can pick me up at the airport! I am determined to kick this! I am a great employee,very loyal and ethical, but poor judgment led to this.

MA:l:h

[toughintexas]

30 days???

Ah Cowgal, well, maybe its the best thing for now, you can get all better, and then get a new job! This way, you have a clean "do over" when you get back! E-mail me your flight details, and I'll pick you up! I just got a message from you about an e-mail change or something, but your message got cut off before I got it...you have my private address, just send me the details! Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, you won't have to go back to that enivorment where they only know the "old" you! You aren't a downer, its just facts..... I'm off for a massage, started back to the gym last Sat., and been going everyother day, and I think I over-did it yesterday, I'm kinda Hopalong Cassidy today, and want to go back tomorrow, so I'm going to get a rub-down! Will holler at you guys later! Love ya all tons!

[greeneyes]

30 days???

MA!!! Jump in my boat with me! I am going to be jobless, and can't count on support or insurance, etc as hubbly looks like he's headed south in the finanacial arena. BUT... I am ethical, loyal, etc and I NEED a change. So, maybe this is the universe's way of giving it to me (like TIT pointed out). I sure hope so because it certainly is uncomfortable at the moment. But I am sober so if this is my big chance, I won't screw it up!

[Cinders]

30 days???

MA,

I am sorry to hear you were let go. Please do not let that screw up the detox you went through. Stay sober now so you can think clearly about what you want to do. Go to AA tonight if you can. Sending prayers up for you, too. :l

Greenie,

I am sorry you are uncomfortable, too. Changing jobs or major life shifts are uncomfortable. Having to deal with it and heartache must be very difficult. You are one strong woman!! You must have found those big girl pants, put them on, and are walking tall and straight.

Love,
Cindi

[toughintexas]

30 days???

Greenie, you and MA, are alot of like and it seems, at the sameplace in life. Greenie, I'm going to tell you this, my asshole ex-husband, kids Dad, was a Dentist, and he played the bankruptcy card to try to get out of paying temporary support, equity in his practice, blah, blah, less child support, BUT, you get a kickass atty., if I'm not wrong, you worked in his office, so you were an integral part of his practice, and lemme tell you, our SIL, is a contract Dr., your ex. to be, can file bankruptcy, and sign a contract for 100's of thousands of dollars bonus, and make mega bucks, so you get your share!!!!! Don't you dare rollover! Ya'll both have a great opportunity to start over, look at it as one door closes, but I'm betting for both of you, a healthier choice and life is going to open up....NEITHER OF YOU needs to be in the relationships you are/were in.... period, you are both tooooo precious! There's a verse I remember for somewhere that says..."God took what Satan TRIED to use to destroy me, and He turned it around for His glory and mine, and used it for ther betterment of me, and for other people of our Kingdom".... So, no matter what you are going thru today, God can turn your situation around and use it to further you, and His kingdom, and bring many blessings to you, and to many others!!!! Both of you are so special and sweet, you will be such inspirations to sooo many, I just know it!!! I've been there Greenie, PM me anytime!

[toughintexas]

30 days???

I swear I'm not Bible thumping, it just helps me to feel like someone bigger than me is in control....the Big Guy and Bear in the Air !!!!! LOL LOL LOL And I would hate AA, so I'm not into that either, I had to find something.....lol....

[morrison]

30 days???

Just checking in to say hello. Looks like everybody is doing well, and that is great. Love you all. I'm always lurking, and bounce into chat sometimes. Can't write much, because I'm the most boring person in the world. Haha.

[brittzak]

30 days???

i seriously DOUBT you are boring Morrison, but if you like you can make something up....it isn't like we'd know if you lied. HA HA

[toughintexas]

30 days???

Morrison, you are SOOOOOO NOT BORING! Besides that, we need an influct of TESTOSTERONE here! With Bear gone, and D at Burning Man, we need you Buddy!!! I miss you tons and buckets! Tell us what you are doing!!!! And whom.....lol....ok.....maybe I should've asked that PM, but you know, us bored girls want to hear the details,..........lol.......

[brittzak]

30 days???

MAN IN THE HOUSE!!!!! A MAN!

[Niblet]

30 days???

Hi everybody,
Awww More2 We all Loved Shrek !!! I'm so happy for you having such a thoughtful hubby ... Gosh. Wouldn't it be nice if there was an "Island" for folks like those that are supposed to show up at 8 and don't !!!! Geeeeez !!! That Island would have no toilet paper, strictly the weather channel ( so they can see all the nice weather we are all enjoying), dial-up computers ( only 10 that they would all spend there special 15 minute turns daily LOL)... lets see, all the booze in the world so they could insult and kick the crap out of one another... LOL !!!! Haaa !!! Haaaa !!! Teeee !! Heeeee !!! Heck that farmer would sure get his !!! Cause he'd be on the first boat to that Island !!!

MA, you will be wondering why I say this but " Congratulations " !!! Honestly, you are turning a new page and we are all blessed to share this wonderful but truely scarey time with you.... Go forward Sweetie :l There is a big old world out there... "You ARE a good Person" ! Take the reins back. Tex I love that you are there for our Cowgal... I'd like to thank-you for helping one of our family members here. You are an inspiration and an angel among us XXX

Buckle, I agree with the others about al numbing us of our deep down feelings. These are legitimate and real feelings that you need to share and get out. I've dealt with alot of crud too and am Thankfully a survivor through it all. I now know that what has happened "did" and that I can only help make my tomorrow a bit brighter having lived through yesteryears hell. We are all here for you ... Honest. What you see here is what you get. Compassion and love with alot of utmost respect for one another ALWAYS.

Best, I can hear the relief in your post with moving your MIL. There will be good days, great days, not so great days, bad day, sad days.... We will be here to share all those days with you hand in hand. We want to be your soft place to come to after a tough day.

And I see our Fella has stopped by !!! Yeahhhh !!! Morrison !!!!!! I was really startin' ta miss ya !!!! If you want to talk boring, well here's one, " I'm in the barn giggling away this morning thinking that it is just like Easter every single day as my horse Cody hides his buns really well Now THAT !!! my friend is the definition of "Boring" LOL !!!

Cindi, you sound Awesome !!!
Greenie, we are all pullin' for ya xxx
I know you are a busy Mom Bird, I'm proud of you !!! If only my Mom was half the Mom you are... I'd be twice as whacky !!! giggle, giggle.
I'm gonna hop in the tub and grab my jammies,
Magic could you catch the light Sweetie before bed? I'll lock up after the dogs have had their last pee.
Hugs, xxx

[brittzak]

30 days???

MA, I am so very sorry about yuor job. Honey take this as a turning point for the good. You work on you right now. Get well and you can start fresh. I know it seems horrid right now, but it will get better. We all love you here.