30 days???

[cowgal]

30 days???

YAY!!

Just talked to Bird!! She is ok, not going to school anymore, but neither am I (told her that, I couldn't take the stress, along w/ being unemployed dealing w/ Mike etc..........) She is auditioning for a band soon as a drummer (told her we would all pray for her!!!) She sounds good, I am so glad!!! Gotta go now, but Love ALL of you!!!!! Our Bird is ok!!!!!

MA:l

[brittzak]

30 days???

OK MA....you listen to me....Mike has NO RIGHT to put his hands on you. NO PERSON has the right to do that to another person. YES, you call the police and they will haul his butt to jail, which is where he should be. You are NOT his doormat. Let him act that way in the BIG HOUSE and he will get his ass kicked. You deserve so much better and so do your children honey!!!!!! I am so very sorry for your situation.

[greeneyes]

30 days???

MA, I'm with Brittzak. Oddly, I thought about you this weekend as I was packing up hubby's clothes and moving them to the office (which is now HIS black hole :H:H:H - sorry, couldn't resist). I can't quit thinking about your remark that you promised your sponsor no major changes for a year and how I felt about that relative to your marital situation. I won't put my 2 cents on this thread, but if you want them, PM me. I'll give you my phone # if you feel like chatting. Meantime, :l:h:l

[bestlifeldms]

30 days???

Oh MA! Hands off! No pushing, hitting or kicking. We all learned that in kindergarden. I agree with all of the above. You don't need that crap. Sure is good to know how strong we are without al, isn't it? Amazing how some people act when we no longer give them a reason to blame everything on "our problem/addiction". Seems to put the focus exactly where it belongs. I refuse to give away my power ever again. For too many years, people in my personal relationships could "deflect" the focus of what actually happened and blame it on my drinking. Problem was...:huh: after I sobered up, I usually couldn't remember the whole conversation, who said what, what started the fight ~ so, I would just apologize ~ basically for being drunk. The problem never got resolved. Now, the focus stays on the issue that is really at hand. Hang in there. You are one strong cookie! With an army of buddies to back ya! Love to all! :l:h:l

[brittzak]

30 days???

Hope everyone is well today.....just dropping by to say hey!!!!

[cowgal]

30 days???

hey all

I am off to run errands, go to gym etc..................last "total" day off before working, will work Wed, Thur, Fri this week, off weekend then next Mon-Wed...........off Thurs, cool to have a weekday off each week, looking forward to that, but not to working weekends (BUT it will keep me away from confrontations w/ Mike in the interim!) Yet another blessing of this new job.

love you guys:h:l:h, hope you are all well, will maybe not be on until next Thurs.................depending on everything.

MA

[Cinders]

30 days???

Hi, I am just dropping in to say "hi," too.

Nibs, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know how tiring they are with all the cooking, etc. but I love ours, too. The whole group together, laughter, jokes, silliness, family. In my house Thanksgiving is every bit as important, in some ways more, than Christmas.

Bird, if you read this, please know we miss you. I am glad you talked to LUV and you are okay. Good luck on the audition!!

MA, did your hubby really hurt you again? I remember the pool incident, too. You need to start journaling these incidents in a book so that you have a timeline and a record. I am serious. And I agree, if he touches you again in a threatening way, call the police. This is not to be tolerated. In 33 years of marriage and a lot of shit and heartache, my husband has NEVER hit me, grabbed me, or hurt me. Same here. I have never grabbed him, slapped him or done anything physical to him. Believe me, sometimes I would have loved to but those of us who were raised right simply know, IT IS NOT AN OPTION. I am so proud of how well you are doing. I am like Greenie, I will not advise because marriage is yours and his business. BUT, if he is a danger to you, I am sure the "don't do anything for a year" concept does not include that. Okay? I would hate to hear from you in the hospital like I did one of my best friends after she had a broken nose, jaw, ribs. Sorry for going on but your situation does worry me.

TIT, I am simply sending you a ton of love. I have lots of love to go around and you need some right now. I pray that God sends you some peace, love, and happiness. :l

Best, Mom0f3, BearFamily, LUV, Greenie, Oky, Bootsie, Morrison and anyone I may have missed, have a wonderful day and may life be good to all of you.

Love,
Cindi

[momof3]

30 days???

1 year rule

Hi MA,

Just wanted to put my 2 cents worth on the "make no changes in one year rule." I think this is a good general guideline, but under extreme circumstances, not useful. I had a friend who quit drinking (still AF) and her husband was very abusive toward her. Despite her sponsor's recommendation, she kicked his a** out the door after 2 months because he became even more abusive after she stopped drinking. She got rid of her sponsor too when she kept on insisting that she not make any changes.

[toughintexas]

30 days???

Cindi, thanks for the support and love, I do need it, and it does help! Thank you all for thinking of me, it means tons! I just got a message from MA, I was outside with the ins. adjuster, I'll try to phone her back, once he leaves. I told her also, in detail, how to go about staying in the house, she is the Mom, the boys will back her up, and want to stay with her...she can get an atty. at legal aid, and/or make him pay for it....get a temp. emergency hearing, whatever..... GUIDELINES are on thing, and AA is all about the hard fast rules, I know from my former ex., but the are GUIDELINES and I think that's why so many are turned off by AA....I know Mary Anne loves her group, and sponsor, but she loves it mostly for the social interaction, and support, and nobody, esp. a friend/sponsor, should ever advise NO CHANGES in a relationship that is controlling, abusive, and demeaning, and hurtful emotionally to anyone, esp., kids..... Ok, I've told her, and I'm saying it here......she is precious, and she is strong, and she deserves more....she needs to put her foot down, I'd have called the police and let them take him....more pts on her side....and the boys would've done it..... I may be out of line, posting this, but he is a freak, reads her e-mails, controls her, spys on her, abuses her, and is not a supportive, loving, person....she wouldn't have to worry about $$$$$ if he'd actually take responsibility and quit drinking and drugging, helllllloooooo......not even a good example to let your kids see happen.....she has talent ya'll can't imagine, and she needs love and support, not this crap! She is cute, and blonde, and fit, and shiney, and caring....he's a huge, fat, nasty person.....no wonder he's paranoid! She wouldn't be on the market 10 mins! LOL Ok, you know me and my big mouth, I've said it.....now, if she wants to stay, for whatever reason, I'll love her thru it, and for it, but I won't condone it......'nuf said on my part! I love her, and she's soooooo much better than this!

[cowgal]

30 days???

sweet

I love you guys dearly!!! I get tears in my eyes reading this....................I am ok today, he is not drinking, I told him I will give him a chance, he was really hurting and upset (my past) and read an email which didn't help................WHICH HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN READING IN THE FIRST PLACE(I told him, just like my AA fourth step!! ) I will wait, save $$ get my Shit together, and stay strong........................I will be ok, today is all I have to worry about and I am NOT worried about today....................tomorrow, however I do "officially" start the job.........training w/ someone the first two days, so shouldn't be too overwhelming................

I will post later this week or next week and let you all know the status of my life, I KNOW if I do the next right thing it will be ok.

I really love you:l:h:l, will try to call Tex on my way to my meeting..............have a few lawyer friends there I intend to talk to , FL law just sucks though............in reference to being a potential "ex-wife"......:upset:

MA

[brittzak]

30 days???

MA, I think many of us speak from experience. You are a beautiful person inside and out. I literally cry worrying about you. Get away sweetheart...please. It will only get worse. WE all love you.

[Niblet]

30 days???

I echo Luvs words as well MA... Just being able to "bear a person" is not a future with a person Sweetie... Be strong and make the decisions that you need to make for you and your kids... We are all here for you and will hold your hand always xxx

Luv, I'm so very sorry about you and Mike... almost like mourning the loss of a family member almost eh?... although wisely you didn't spend the next 15 years figuring out that you aren't meant to be together... I hope that your pinched nerve is better... that is a real kicker !

Bearlady, you warm my heart with your compassionate wise words... I truely hope that you know you are also loved by the Lord and all of us too xxx

Bird, I don't blame you for not completing the schooling... You are doing what is right for you... All the best in trying out for that band.. Sounds like you are feeding your soul and that is what life is all about my friend.

Oh, and Luv everybody jokes about my goats... they say "get out the mint jelly and spark the BBQ"... Haaa !! Haaa !! My little Niblet and Kiwi wouldn't be any good on the BBQ because you would never keep the flames out !!!! They are pudgey !!! Haaaa !! Haaaa !!! Teeee !!! Heee !!!

Well, on Saturday we will be going to Espanola for Freckles.. I've been soooo anxious and can't wait !!! Tonight we went to a Green Hawk tack shop... I had a blast !!! I bought a lovely navaho (sp) saddle blanket, new halter and lead, bucket and hay net.

Can you all believe that tomorrow is Wednesday already !!!
Hope everybody is well, Hugs,xxx

[cowgal]

30 days???

off to work

All I can really focus on right now is actually "starting",for real, my new job.............I will be doing things I have never done before, and didn't pay that much attention to in nursing school because "I was never going to have to work in a place like that"!?? Well, GOD had different plans, eh? It will be a humbling experience and a chance to truly care about people, I need to focus on that aspect of it or I will go nutso!

love you all, I will be ok today, after work, I am going to the gym and then having a quick dinner, then to an alanon meeting (for people living w/ active alcoholics) Ought to be a little helpful.

love and hugs:h:l:h......................oh, and Mike and I had a decent talk last night.............maybe there is hope??

MA

[momof3]

30 days???

Good Morning,

T-I-T, You are such a good friend to MA. I would definitely want you on my side if I was going through a tough time. I am happy that you are such a strong advocate for her.

MA, I hate to say this but, hope is generally what keeps us in abusive relationships and that is what abusers count on. I have had numerous friends who have been in abusive relationships and it's the same pattern--abuse, apologies, abuse. Please be careful and check in with us daily if you can. You have not worked this hard to get sober to be literally and figuratively knocked down.

Nibs, I love the smell of tack shops...want to have a horse some day. It's been a dream since I was a little girl and now my little girls want one.

Luv, I've been thinking of you. How are you feeling these days? Any cravings or has the beast gone away for awhile?

Cinders, You sound good and strong and positive.

And, to any whom I've forgotten, happy day.

All of you are my heroes

Mo3

[bestlifeldms]

30 days???

Mom of 3's post triggered further thoughts on this subject. It is interesting that when an abuser cannot take our power in one way, they will find another. MA, when you removed alcohol (on your part) from the tirangular relationship that you have with Mike, he has probably been in uncharted water ~ making him very uncomfortable. The old familiar way in which an abuser controls no longer works and they get frustrated. Abusers are used to getting their own way through manipulation. Frustration leads to agitation. Throw alcohol in to the equation and you can have desasterous results. As Momof3 said, please check in here. Be careful! Things can happen even unintentionally. We love and care about you and only want what is in your best interst. Plus, our kids are learning to be adults, by what they observe. Not fair to them.

I am in a similar situation, with trying not to make major decisions for at least the first year of sobriety. Although mine in professional, and seems to have been taken out of my hands, as company is for sale. Point being, there are definate exceptions to the rule. Be safe! Call me if you have a few spare minutes! :h