30 days???

[bird]

30 days???

Hi all,
Great to see you Nibs. I thought you fell off the face of the earth. Hey all are we still doing that meet next month??? Its getting close....bird

[cowgal]

30 days???

YAY!!!!!

Nibs you are back!!! Glad the horse is adjusting well...................yep, some training techniques are rough on them, just be gentle(I am sure you will be) as you are her new mom! I am so happy you are alright....missed ya.................:l:h:l

Hey everyone, off to shower, then bed, this is basically my Friday, but still have to get up and do it all tomorrow AM...........til noon anyway!

Zac won first place in science fair project, state finals are 2/20, so I will be there, so proud of him!!! Not baseball, but the next best thing.................he is so sweet (when hormones are not raging!!!)

David is doing well, got best grade in environmental science out of his class, college credit course, maybe he can follow my dreams of being a forest ranger.........? Nay, he wants (and can) to be a doctor or lawyer..............he is so smart!! (yep I am a proud parent!!)

Goodnight!!:h

MA

[cowgal]

30 days???

where is everyone?

just got done w/ a short ride around the lake, GOD I have missed this!!!! I am soooooooooo happy to have them back(the horses), Zac went w/ me, I am taking him to the movies then out to David's award banquet for swimming, I will take lots of kleenex...............:upset:

Last night Greek dinner for the Taioist society was fun, ate way too much, not going to gym for almost a week really shows..............YUCK!

Hope you are all doing well, lots of love, Feb is right around the corner are we still on??

MA:l:h

[brittzak]

30 days???

Hey all.....been doing some re-decorating...look at pictures in the gallary..I posted my bedroom so far.

Congrats Cowgal on all the boys good stuff lately...man they are busy.

Feb is here....I could do the last weekend????

[morrison]

30 days???

Great to see Nibs back. Yaayyyyyy!!! :wd::yay:

Luv, stop boosting your damn post. Heeehee. Just kidding. :H

[greeneyes]

30 days???

Hey all! I'm in a holding pattern for Feb. Gotta see what's happens on the employment / financial front. I did price flights yesterday and they are close to $300. Throw in hotel & expenses and I shuddered. I took a big $ hit on that root canal last week and have to have the crown repaired next week. Pisses me off to pay such high premiums to spend my own feckin' money on med. care. Bah!

[BabyBear26]

30 days???

Falling into the pit

hello all i need to talk and this is the only place i feel like i can talk about this,, i came on here to see what my Daddy would say to me if here were here,, i have become and alcoholic,, when my daddy past i started to drink more and now it has turned into a near daily thing,, he would be so pissed at me but hold my hand all the way,, I miss him sooo much and 6 month after his passing,, my mother-in-law past 6 month almost to the day so i am falling apart. and dont know how to crawl out of this pit. thanks for letting me vent i might be on here more often for support though this crap. take care to all.

[bestlifeldms]

30 days???

Oh Baby Bear,

You have had an unbearable amount of emotional pain. But, honey, you know that alcohol is not going to help. Sometimes we use it, thinking that it is providing an escape from our pain. But what happens is that the pain is still there when the alcohol is out of our systems, and the situation has been made worse by our drinking. We do and say things we don't mean. We break promises. We hurt ourselves. When we think with a brain that is effected by alcohol, everything is negative and the pain and problems are magnified. My own woman said it so well, when she said that "you have the power to CHOOSE the quality of your own life". Take a moment to think about that. That is very powerful and profound. You are empowered to make that decision. And when you begin to live your life without the effect of alcohol, your life looks different, it feels different, everything is different. Life is easier, lighter, happier. It is as you always thought it should be. It is authentic. Everything is reality. It was the life with alcohol that was different - negative- dark. You can do this! We all love and care about you and want you to emerge from that pit of despair. You don't deserve to be there. Sending prayers and support, Best

[irish eyes]

30 days???

Hey Baby Bear
I am so sorry for your pain. I understand so well I started to drink when my mother died over a year ago now. Thankfully since coming here I am almost a month AF now and that is waht my mom would want. Your Dad would say to you 'please dont drink because of me but honour the way I tried to bring u up' You owe ur dad and urself that much. Keep close and keep posting.
Luv

[bird]

30 days???

Yeah Baby Bear,
Best is right, it just makes it all worse. You could go on 20 or 30 years medicating that pain and end up in a real health mess. Hang out with us awhile and talk. There is always antabuse as a last resort which is how I got off the mess. love bird

[brittzak]

30 days???

More2...BabyBear is NOT BearJr.....SHE is PapaBear's youngest child.....just to fill everybody in. Welcome BabyBear!!!!!!! Your Daddy was very dear to this group and me! He held my hand many many many times. Like you, I started drinking when I suffered a traumatic sudden lose. If you read back through this thread you can see the hell I have been through because of alcohol and honey...my loved one...he is still gone from this earth. I KNOW there are absolutely NO words I can say to you to comfort you...not really!!!! (I am crying) The pain is horrible. BUT, I can promise you that you will feel happiness again..in time, but it isn't in a bottle. As a matter of a fact, all that drinking will do for you honey is delay the pain and make the depression worse. Every time you sober up...the pain is still real and still there and your husband and son need you. You hold and to them and love them and let them love you. You can get through this together. AND we are all here for you. I hope you will keep coming here.

[BabyBear26]

30 days???

Thank you all,, i knew i would get the support and understanding here,, I just miss my Daddy sooo much and his birthday past and now it is coming up on one year since he has passed and it hurts just as bad as the day in the hospital when the doc told us he was gone. I miss him! :upset: and i feel so lost,, and when i drink i get to escape for that moment i dont cry and hurt for my Daddy. and it feels good. even thought its there when i sober up. i just know when i drink again i can escape once more. and i dont want to hurt like i do all the time. I am on meds to get me to sleep and to get me out of bed thats how bad i feel. But when i drink i laugh and have a good time. i just dont know what to do. i feel like i am slowly falling apart.

[Niblet]

30 days???

Baby Bear, Dear,
I think I speak for all of us when I say, " We are so blessed and complimented that you trust us all with your emotional self "... We will be here for you ... As I watch the snow pile up on the boards that I carefully placed to protect the tree I planted in your Daddys memory I hold in my heart his compassionate words. Your Dad was an amazing man, husband, father, grampa-bear and friend to soooo very many. This little blue spruce means so much to me... At the base of this tree is a ceramic teddy bear and a motorcycle...[/I]
I feel also I can say for us all, " although it hurts sooooo deeply in our souls we are all here a better person having "met" your Daddy "
Please feel free to come here and take our hands... Much love and peace to you XXX

[Niblet]

30 days???

Cowgal, you deserve to feel so much pride, peace and happiness...
Luv, I wanna see your beautiful remodel job !!! You have my email my friend. (although I will need yours again ) With my new computer I having to get emails the hard way... so far I have cowgals,Morrisons and Harts from here only.
This is exam week and my sweet darling boss Marilyn brought in the new employee for the week... hmmm... senoirity (sp) doesn't seem to be in Marilyns vocabulary.. Oh well, a week off is sheer bliss !!!

Tonight Ryans girlfriend is having dinner with us. In fact they will be home soon as it is half-days this week. I really should get my butt in gear... Love you all !
Hugs, xxx

[Pamina]

30 days???

Hi folks - I don't normally venture outside the monthly abs much though when I have done, I've admired the strong ties of friendship on this thread. Today I surfed around for some reason so forgive the intrusion, but I just HAVE to respond to BabyBear.

I'm so very sorry for your loss and for all the pain you carry. I lost my own Daddy in September 2008, so I have some idea of what you're going through. But only some. My Dad had lived a full life to old age, he had a progressive illness we knew would eventually take him, and I was able to spend the last 3 weeks of his life with him, gradually adjusting my brain to the fact that he would never leave the hospital. The brain is such a slow thing. Even with all the medical information dribbling in every day, I still didn't manage to digest what was going on and constantly felt like I was behind the curve. It was just too much to take in. So I've carried on the adjustment after he left. I found myself a grief counselor to help me sort through the emotional all-over-the-place I was initially feeling. I've read books about bereavement which tell you what to expect and give you helpful suggestions. I keep talking and talking and writing and writing. It's like there's an enormous amount of grief and change which dissipates very slowly, but it does, one ounce at a time.

My bereavement, according to the books, is of the 'ordinary' kind. Yours is much more traumatic. Your Dad was young, his death was cruel and unexpected, he did not die of natural causes. And you've endured a second death within the year. You are under extreme duress, which would stretch absolutely anybody to the hilt. It's understandable that you should feel like you're falling apart, but there ARE things you can do about it, and you need to take action to break the spiral. Once there are other avenues for you to release the pain, it will be easier for you to ditch the bottle.

Here's some things for you to consider. Find a good psychotherapist who has experience with trauma and bereavement. There should be local associations of accredited therapists where you can ask. Even if you have to drive to another town, do it. Then look for bereavement support groups for people in a similar situation. There might be Church or community based groups; if not, there are online boards similar to this one. Among your family and friends, spend time with people you're most comfortable talking to. If you'd rather not socialize so much at the moment, try keeping a journal and/or writing letters to your Dad. There are plenty of books on bereavement on Amazon.com, they'll give you more ideas on how you can work through that pain.

Death in the family is one of the most stressful things that can happen. It's creates a blow akin to an illness of the spirit and the soul. If you were physically ill, you'd go to the doctor and take time to recover, right? That's what you've got to do here. Find help, and support, and make the time to grieve, meaning expressing all that pain you feel. Treat yourself kindly. The fact that you're still in so much pain now and that you've gone to AL for comfort means that this 'illness' has not cured itself of its own accord. But it definitely DOES NOT have to be that way. Do NOT continue to fall apart. Help is just a few phone calls away. And we're always here, on your Dad's thread. I was just a lurker in those days, but others here knew him well. Look after yourself, I'm sure that's what he would wish for you. :l