30 days???

[MDBiker]

30 days???

Well barbie, sometimes things happen for a reason. I think this one did. Great story, and I envy your being able to walk down to the beach. You are truly blessed in many ways; thanks for sharing your life with us.

H.A.L. I am sorry to hear of your troubles, but thankful you feel you can share with us. I know sometimes things are really hard, but I have learned many times God has a blessing for us if we just continue on in faith. Sometimes it is hardest just before it is the greatest. I will keep you in my prayers too.

Nibs, I am glad you are back and had a good time. It is always uplifting to hear from you. I can feel your spirit in what you write, weird huh.

Luv, thanks for he photo post. You are beatutifu, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You look much like a girl I went to High School with, and you are so young (meaning I am so old?). I will try to put up some photos soon too. I looked over the photo gallery and I realized I am the only fat person who has a drinking problem. ha ha ha I'm really not fat, just large boned. right.

We must be having some people reach new AF goals soon. I was talking to mama bear tonight and in a couple of weeks I will have been sober for three months. I never would have thought it possible, and I am so thankful for all of you helping me get to this point.

God Bless You and Yours
bear

[Guest]

30 days???

I will be AF for 3 months on July 14th.....coming quick. I was recently thinking about moderating...you start getting cocky...I am not even going to try it though...I KNOW myself...I can't do it. I read where another member tried and he fell flat on his face...his wife warning him along the way. He is like me. Gotta stay AF. But, you start feeling good, then REAL good, then GREAT, then you think, I got this under control...BUT, I KNOW myself...it wouldn't take but a couple of glasses of good red wine to get going for awhile again and my poor body just can't take it...because driking means depression for me. I drink then I think about who's died, who's is dying...then I get pissed, I cry, I rant....it ain't pretty.....sobber, I am and COMPLETELY different person. I literally have went on binges and gotten so depressed that I have slept in the rain out at Billy's tree...PATHETIC. The depression and thinking is almost suicidal...which is why I know I know I will never moderate. Why I do such a 360 sobber...I have no clue. I mean my thinking begins to chnage as soon as I can feel the alcohol....and then I just drink, drink, drink.....it is bad So, I am sobber girl now!!!!

[Guest]

30 days???

Niblet....I would have called today..was wondering...thought yesterday..."thought she would be back today" HA HA

Thanks for the compliment Bear!

[bootcampbarbie]

30 days???

okay happy sparkly people. i posted a few photos. and bear is right. you are one luv bug hottie. i'm going out for the day so will write later. have to hike doggies, hit the gym and downtown real estate gal to sell sell sell. :0 it's going to be way fun though. more later

[Guest]

30 days???

Bootsie you are so pretty! I love seeing what everyone looks like...I will add more pics too. I was abit tipsy in the one...can you tell? I was at an Irish pub in Charleston...good grief! The good ol' days...LOL

[morrison]

30 days???

Hello Luv, 3 months is fantastic. But the largest accomplishment for you today, is that you realize you can not mod. You are 100 percent correct that we do get cocky. I wish I could go back to when I did my longest stretch, and not be so damn cocky. I'm very impressed that you are humble enough to know that. I knew you were a smarty pants.

[Guest]

30 days???

Thanks Morrison...learned from school of hard knocks...fell on my hinny enough to finally figure something out..GEEZ!! OR at least I pray each day for the strength to keep figuring it out. It ain't easy! It is really hard sometimes accepting that I have a weak spot that will never go away. when I read on here how others can moderate, it pisses me off at myself that I can't do it. I have even wondered what is wrong with me...why can't I beat this. But, I am FINALLY at a spot where I just have to accpet where I am and who I am...I CAN'T...plain and simply WHY...I don't know the answer that, but I do know that the person I become is hoffific and scarey and I can no longer live that way. I think I have run out of lives...you know like a cat has 9 lives...I think I am living on a barrowed one now....HA HA HA

[morrison]

30 days???

Yes Luv, I relate. (would you rather me keep calling you Luv on the board?) I really feel that my lives have, or will run out soon. It scares me. I'm lucky to even be in front of this keyboard with the ability to type. Between the damage from years of drugs and booze, and accidents, I'm lucky I can even think. So, we are in the same boat. Damn, it's safe to say that all of us on the board are feeling that we are close to running out of lives. I really wish I could mod too. And, each time I slipped up, the first night was pretty good. I didn't black out, or carry on like an ass, or anything like that. But, that is probably the most dangerous thing that can happen. Sooner or later, I always end up going overboard in a bad way. Can you relate? Do you get crazy everytime you drink, or does it just seem to happen sometimes? I guess it doesn't matter. Even if it is only 1 out of 100 times, it just isn't worth the pain, right? I'm so glad you are on here Luv. It is amazing what you have done. I will keep you in mind when I feel week. Mags too. Did you know she's at 3 years? I can't wait until I can claim that.

[Niblet]

30 days???

Hello everybody ! Morrison is right Luv about moderating and becoming cocky.It could very well happen to me tomorrow, next week, next month .... I hope and pray that this is going to be my new way of being, but if it doesn't feel right, I will be a happy AF-er ! The feeling is just soo awesome ! If they could only put that into tablet form.... Just a thought, " We make that feeling happen for ourselves, together here at MWO" We don't need no stinking tablets ! Tonight we weeded and hilled the potatoes.. If it doesn't rain tonight, I'll need to water tomorrow. I would like to share something with everyone though, I felt kinda silly actually but I was soooooo terrified to even take a sip of a beer so I did go ahead and order Topa. I've only done this 4 times but on a day where we have plans to have a couple beers I will take 25 mg of Topa. Whether it is the placibo effect or if it actually is helping I'm totally comfortable with sipping 2 beers over a period of a long time. Usually water or pop inbetween and some snacks. I don't get drunk, but I would not feel comfortable to drive... It has been bothering me that I was withholding that bit.... I just hope that taking 25 mg of Topa 2 or 3 times doesn't hurt me in anyway... I will not increase the amount but will stay at 25mg. I can seriously see myself not taking it to see how I feel though out of curiousity.... I just do not want to get cocky and bugger up a good thing that I got going.
Bootsie, hope that you sold a huge mansion today !
Morrison you are one very wise fella, thanks for being here. You are greatly appreciated.
Luv, you are right where you are meant to be. You are one very remarkable woman, Mommy, Daughter, Granddaughter and... pet owner.. Very dynamic. God Bless You.
Bear, I'm hoping that you have gotten some answers today and then you and Momma Bear can sit down with your Dr to come up with some ideas to get off all those ibiprophen...
More2, when will she be back from her trip? Missing here.
Hereatlast, thinking of you.
Tough will have gotten that beautiful ribbon today !!! YAHOO!! Miss that Crazy Texan Gal ! Hurry On Home Hon !
Tuckin' In , Night All Love and Hugs, ~Niblet~ Yummy coffee out on the deck in the morning.. Saw a fawn this morning...

[Guest]

30 days???

Yes, our REAL names are behind the scenes...HA HA I didn't know Mags was 3 years AF...something just finally CLICKS...i can't explain it...Bear knows what I am saying...we have talked about it...funny, you do the up down...up down...up down....and finally it just clicks...I just got tired of being sick and tired all the darn time. I could not hug that toilet another day. I couldn't do it...I used to vomit so violently I'd feel like my eyeballs would pop out of their sockets. AND dang if I didn't turn around and drink again that day. This time....this time I am gonna do it...I just feel it. I don't miss the ill feeling, I do miss being able to attend functions like other people, but that is just something I will have to accept. Lucky for me I live in a very religious area, SC is considered the "bible belt" so alcohol is not served at most work related functions, church events are plentiful and obviously no alcohol at those... most people here are Baptist religion, so all in all...I am not pressured to drink.
Morrison...we can all do this...I know we can!!!!

[bootcampbarbie]

30 days???

home again from a long day. i didn't sell a mansion. lol i am the urban skyrise queen. lofts/condos my friends. i could do the other stuff but i'm happiest with my downtown l.a. which someday in my life time will be like manhattan or sf. my little baby downtown with no class will be classy. and boots wants to make it classy. Well, rambling message as i'm tired, drinking tea and need my bath time. you all bring up a great point as i really haven't discussed it much. see i did have almost 10 years sober. yep, everyday my mantra was thank you god for another day of sobriety. the challange for me in many ways was that i did get cocky. after that amount of time i thought i could moderate and did for some long years this last 6 i do believe but ultimately again i end up nope i have to put it together again. and the other challanges i face now is who i am now wanting to be sober is not who i was then. joining aa then was great for me and saved me years on my life. it also cost me alot in my soul. it was for me only, demoralizing, degrading, so there i was sober as a judge for years and feeling so pitiful about myself because i didn't have the mwo program that is giving me other tools. it isn't for me a failure of character or that i'm a less than human being destined to be a shameful soul. it is that i'm a woman that has a challange with the chemical reaction in her brain coupled with just plain bad habits and programing over the years. those things have me sorting a new way of life out. and i can't say that being sober all those years wasn't great. it was. i just want to have it again in my life but on a threshold that is solid, a threshold of self love and preservation, giving freely to people without merging and taking on their pain. that has everything to do with me turning 47 now and me wanting a way of life now that i can also as i am a teacher, being an example for others. yes, you can be sober have a great life and love yourself. too often in my life i have merged with so many people that i forgot plainly who i was. so merging and differentiating is what we know how to do very well. so i'm committed to caring for others but not merging so deep i take on their pain. unless as a healer, i chose to do that which i can and help them. and i'm committed to not differentiating or distancing so that i leave people. i am committed to walking the path with solitude and love of self and one moment again at a time til i'm ready to quit drinking completely cuz for now it is how many days sober in a month. i can tell i'm not yet ready to do the long term again. but i'm close. and then that will be it. the day i decided just like any day i decide enuf is enuf i don't look back. but again after meeting jesse and what he's gone through i've spent a week of thinking about my life and what i want to do with the next 20 years. as he is only 28 he could die in the next year or so. so i am in awe that everyday for him he lives like it really is his last. love life because life loves you. how profound is that mantra?

and okay morrison, i notice you don't respond to any of my direct quotes to you. so i'll stop with the quoting and requests. lol. i am laughing hard. you are a great man and with all your dark side you are still a great man.

so tonight as i close up for the day, i have a 40 mile bike ride and bootcamp to do tomorrow, i am left with i thank god for my 30 day family. happy to hear from niblet. bear want you to tell us what your results are. luv when i saw you and billy and each time i've gone back to photos to see you again, my heart just radiated love and am sending you love. so profound a gift to have someone you cared so much for and i have had that relationship too and he died in a car accident. then i met my hubby years later. when i was determined to never have another relationship. hereat, well, i'm so so sorry about the system. trust me so sorry. i just got screwed out of 42K in commissions which isn't at all like what you are dealing with healthwise. but when that is what you were going to pay your bills with this year,,,,, uh big fricking deal. yep my former broker said well you are the little people, take us to court as you will spend that much to get it back. so here i am realizing that had i been sober i would have never had them as business partners. so, yes, while i sell real estate i'm not the normal gal. i care alot about my clients and never sell to sell. i only sell to them if it makes sense. so there you go. hopefully god will bless me with gifts to make up for my salary for this year as i felt like waitressing last thursday and just saying screw it. this from a woman who has a phd and has lead companies to make millions. sigh

and now on to that contemplation for me of full on sobriety. sunday, i bought that new journal and a book on how to write. i want to be a writer in some form i think outside of real estate. i kind of feel like i could write something that for me is meaningful and maybe just maybe in my bootsie story camp could lend a hand.

smiles and luv my luv bug. you are someone that i'd always be hanging with.

[Guest]

30 days???

Bootsie...so glad ...write me a novel, you KNOW I love this!!!! I think this is great. I have thought about waitressing before myself, but decided against it as I am somewhat of a hot head at times, SMILE, and the first dude that patted my butt and said "hey cuttie how about some more tea" might just get a pitcher of tea on his head, so I decided best not do that career move. LOL Jail does not become me....I don't look good in orange and the toilets are way to cold and the smell of constant urine turns my tummy!!!! Makes me want to cry that I even know any of that....ANOTHER reason I MUST stay AF. Bootsie I had forgotten you had lost someone in a car accident too....I know there is a light!!!!

BEAR...where are you???? Do I need to demand a number from you too????? What the heck did the doc say? We're dying here...are you OK? HOW IS OUR BEAR??????? WE LOVE YOU!!!!

EVERYONE...please have a safe, happy, sobber...4th!!!!! When the sparkles fly tonight remember all your 30 day buddies....I love you all with all my heart!

[morrison]

30 days???

Bootsie, I don't want to derail the thread, but you're wrong. I responded to many of your posts. You must have missed them, cause there were quite a few. It is hard to keep up with all of the posts though. The threads get pushed down so fast at times. I try to keep up with what the veterans are doing on the boards, but also like to offer support to the people that just joined. I'm not being selfish. I read and type as quickly as I can, and come on here when I can. Also, I rarely go anywhere other than the General Discussion forum. I posted in other forums long ago, so if you replied to anything on there, maybe that is what you are speaking of. Otherwise, STFU!!!! :H

You know I'm just messin' with the STFU comment. :H

[bootcampbarbie]

30 days???

mayor morrison. you are funny. stfu it took me like 5 minutes to figure out what that meant. and then i spit up my breakfast. ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha that is just the funniest thing anyone has said to me in a really long ass time. thank you. damn i've missed your posts? well, tomorrow i shall sift through and find them. cuz i totally dig what you have to say. anyway, thanks and i have to go ride bike now. but stfu. hahahahahahahahahaha god that is hysterically funny.

[Guest]

30 days???

I am so dumb...I get the FU...but what the heck does "ST" mean? I wanna laugh too....HA HA HA HA