30 days???

[Determinatrix]

30 days???

Hi Morrison -
We are glad you wrote. We worried about you since you were here last.
You seem like you are willing to know yourself better and that is always a good thing.
I don't think the antabuse is cheating. Whatever it takes to get closer to sanity.
Hope you stay awhile.
Dx

[bootcampbarbie]

30 days???

oh luv sorry you've been so sick. 20 lbs is so much to lose. please take care of you. i'm concerned. have like a fraction of time to check on as i'm just working like crazy. but i was thinking of you all and sending you all love..... bird i went to dentist too. anemia causes much in the perio world. please know i'm thinking of you. have to go back sometime maybe this weekend and catch up.
lvoe love me

[Guest]

30 days???

Morrison, so glad to see you!!!! I was so worried about you. It isn't cheating!!!! We ALL have had to have help. None of us quit cold turkey...I don't think. We have a road...a bumpy, hard road, but we can do this. I tell myself that everyday. I have had a hard time lately, been having cravings bad! don't cave even on the bad days. You will regret it. I drink two bottles of wine after 7 moths AF, I wanted to die the next day. I mean DIE!!! I was hoping. HA HA (not really but I felt that bad) Now I am battling the anti-depressant battle. i THINK after today I have it down. I think I will make it. I was feeling better and a YO-YO took me off one.....just stopped it. DON'T EVER DO THAT!!! I missed you all so much. You don't know how much you mean to my sobriety. Family is visiting again. It isn't to bad. I thought it would be. I TALKED to Billy's Mom. It went well!!! We both apologized for things said and done after his death. I should feel GREAT!!! I am sobber, I am healing not only from the bottle but mending fences with people I missed. I realize you only hate people you really love. Otherwise, you wouldn't care enough to waste your time and energy. All I can say is I learn something about myself everyday!!!! I mean everday.

[Determinatrix]

30 days???

Luv - wow! What freedom it must bring to put some things behind you with Billy's Mom.
So happy for you.

Dx

[toughintexas]

30 days???

Luv, its a journey huh girlfriend! I'm so glad you are able to let go of some of the emotions, and "stuff", I truly think lots of those things, keep us drinking....so even tho its tough to face them, its harder really to not face them. IMO....ya ever notice how in your mind, things are always worse case scenerio, than in for real life? I also know, that for me....whevever I go, well, hell, there I am! So I can't run from stuff either, and it feels so empowering to fight a few battles, and win! I love you all, going for a massage, hubby bought an inversion table for his back pain, and you can hang-upside down, and do exercises in reverse....well, you can imagine the rest, needless to say, I overdid that too! Later.....

[Guest]

30 days???

Oh Gosh, we are all a mess. But, we are FIGHTING and WINNING the battle. Just one day at a time. You are right TIT, when I run, I hurt so MUCH WORSE. I am an in your face kinda girl and when I started drinking I realize I was running.

[morrison]

30 days???

Hey Luv. I can't believe anyone would take you off of meds cold turkey. That is so irresponsible. I know from personal experience that can be awful. Good to hear you're mending fences. You really think we only hate on people we really love? Wow, I must be loved a lot then, because I caused a lot of people to hate on me. Haha. Wow, it is a bit discouraging when you hear/read that there are cravings after so many months of sobriety. This is a very important message to all drunks. It is such a hard reality to face. I think we want to convince ourselves time and time again that "this time" we figured out how to drink and get away with it. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. I believe the second step is to accept that you can never drink again, which seems to be the step we usually trip over. Hell, I already thought months down the road when my cousin and best bud gets out of the airforce after 15 years. We had so many good times partying it up. I don't even want to think of those temptations. Luv, don't be too hard on yourself about the two bottles though. That isn't bad at all. You know there is a fine line between the good guilt that teaches us lessons, and the bad guilt that tears at our insides. You really are doing great. And it is nice to hear you are still learning things about yourself. My mother always told me "to thine own self be true." (I know she didn't make that up) Knowing who we are is the key to all the success we can/will have. It is sometimes hard to look at ourselves and realize our limitations. We aren't kids anymore. I miss it way back when we we were immortal with superpowers. Now we are all grown up with the weight of the world on our shoulders, so we need some extra muscle to help us out sometime.

LUVUALL;259335 wrote: Morrison, so glad to see you!!!! I was so worried about you. It isn't cheating!!!! We ALL have had to have help. None of us quit cold turkey...I don't think. We have a road...a bumpy, hard road, but we can do this. I tell myself that everyday. I have had a hard time lately, been having cravings bad! don't cave even on the bad days. You will regret it. I drink two bottles of wine after 7 moths AF, I wanted to die the next day. I mean DIE!!! I was hoping. HA HA (not really but I felt that bad) Now I am battling the anti-depressant battle. i THINK after today I have it down. I think I will make it. I was feeling better and a YO-YO took me off one.....just stopped it. DON'T EVER DO THAT!!! I missed you all so much. You don't know how much you mean to my sobriety. Family is visiting again. It isn't to bad. I thought it would be. I TALKED to Billy's Mom. It went well!!! We both apologized for things said and done after his death. I should feel GREAT!!! I am sobber, I am healing not only from the bottle but mending fences with people I missed. I realize you only hate people you really love. Otherwise, you wouldn't care enough to waste your time and energy. All I can say is I learn something about myself everyday!!!! I mean everday.

[bird]

30 days???

Yeah I always thout when I was a kid I could just quit drinking some time in the future, I sort of saw myself just putting it down one day and never ever thought it would end up like this. A couple people told me like my moms old friends who drank but I couldnt see it even though I was right there watching them go through it, I guess I only saw the high, and didnt realize how bad they were suffering. Anyway....I took a weeks vacation and have 1 kid home sick today not much going on guess I'll work out. Later on bird

[Cinders]

30 days???

Luv, Morrison, Bird,

Yes. This is one hard struggle. I blew it yesterday after much time sober and I regret it horribly.

However, my husband still loves me, my parents still love me and my children still love me. The hard part is loving me myself.

Bird, you can do this as well as me. Luv, you can do this, as well as me. Morrison, you are doing this!! I am so proud of you.

We must get into the "space" my daddy talked about. The one where we are so PROUD of ouselves for being non-drinkers. Not ex-drinkers, NON-DRINKERS.

Okay, Bird, Luv, Morrison. We can do this and we want to do this and we will do this.

TNT, Nibs and Bear, Let's do this.

Love to all,
Cindi

ps. It is difficult but what is the option??

Love you!!

[Niblet]

30 days???

A big welcome Home Hug Morrison... I'm so gosh darn proud of you my friend !!! I believe in you xxx

What a blessing for you to have closure with Billys Mom Luv. Wow, you have sure come a long way. I'm worried though about your weightloss... You cannot afford to be losing 20 pounds my girl. I will say a prayer for you to find inner happiness.
Today I'm off and haven't done a darn thing except clean up the dishes... uggg !!! Thank goodness the sun is nice and bright because it is really cold here !
Cindi, please don't be too hard on yourself Hon. Learn from every bump in the road.
Well, I gotta get my butt in gear, so take care everybody, Hugs, xxx

[toughintexas]

30 days???

Hey guys! I'm fixing to pack this puppy up, and get off to do errands, drive to Dallas, and fly out in the morning....I'll hook back up tomorrow night, and let you know how Orlando is! Anyone in Orlando? lol Cindi, hang in there, just keep on keeping on! More2, I'll call ya girlfriend, I'll have til Monday alone, 'cept the writers bunch! Glad the anabuse is working for you and Morrison, it'll be my next step, if I stumble again, I don't care if I have to eat this birds poop if it works! More2, you'll start feeling fab in no time, its amazing how much difference it makes, but it doesn't happen overnight, takes awhile to re-balance, took awhile to get there, it'll take awhile to recoup, I'm still balancing and working-out, and just now kinda/sorta seeing some muscle over the flab! Nibs, you and spy goat keep everyone in line til I can get where I'm going. Ya'll say a prayer, cuz this time, I'm walking into something with a big red S on my shirt, and it ain't for the Scarlet Woman, its for STUPID.....AHHHHHHHHRRRRRRGGGGGGG......Love you all, sending prayers, send me some back!

[Niblet]

30 days???

No Way Tex !!!! That letter "S" is for many many things that you represent,
>>> "S" pectacular !!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>> "S" plendid !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>>> "S" uper-D-duper even when she's a pooper !!!!
>>>> "S" crumptiously Helarious !!!!!!!!!
>>>> "S" o Good To Have As A Friend !!! xxxx
>>>> "S" assy Gal !!!!
>>>> "S" uch a compassionate friend to have !!!!
>>>> And, You Are my "S" unshine !!!
Have a safe trip and let us know how Orlando is... xxx
Our special Agent Spy Goat is on "the case" and will notify you with any uprisings !!! Haa !! haa !! Tee !!! Heee !!!
I just thought I'd drop by before plugging in the kettle and settling in with my crochetting..
More2, I pound at a time...Slow and steady... Eat healthy and allow your metabolism to kick into high gear ... You will do just awesome Please don't "diet", but rather eat wisely and do some good old cardio...
Well, I go into work early tomorrow, but will have a week off for exams !! Yahooo !!!
Hugs everybody.... Enjoy your trip Tex xxx

[MDBiker]

30 days???

Wow, it has been busy since I checked in.

Bird sorry about the girls friend. Luv, hope you get the meds right; it will make a big difference. Nibs, it's you day off, don't feel bad about anything.

Tex, you come up with some of the strangest things. I know you will do well, don't let it get to you.

Morrison, WOO HOO !!! you are doing great!!! Glad you decided to give us a shout. We do miss you, and you are always more than welcome here as you know.

Barbi, don't over do it, try to take it as it comes and not jump in too hard. DB2, you just pick up and start again. You will make this work if you keep trying.

More2, Lushy is too sweet to be queen bitch. Enjoy your visit and warm up in the desert.

Everyone else, I never know who I might have missed, Have a great night. The Dr released me to go back to work Monday, so I will be back in the trenches again. I am now walking without a cane and I am feeling pretty good.

Love you all,

:huggy

bear

[MDBiker]

30 days???

Nibs, we cross posted, but you sure make me laugh. Now go to the other yarn.

bear

[morrison]

30 days???

Hi Bear. Yes, I am on antabuse, and wanted to dry out a good time before I came back. Wanted to get my head straight. I know you said antabuse wasn't the answer, and I can respect that. In my research, I was stunned to find out how many people wouldn't take it as prescribed, and how many drank in spite of it. I haven't tested the waters. I mean, when there is any chance of landing in the ER, I'm not messing around. It is ironic considering I was close to the ER with my drinking on several occasions. For some reason, this is different. Probably because I'm in sound mind. I know I can't take this forever. I will be attending some counseling in a couple weeks when I'm off house arrest. (I have to as part of my punishment, so I'm forced to go.) I'll definitely work the program. My doc did recommend inpatient rehab first, but I really didn't think I could handle the anxiety of it all. I really couldn't stand losing my job, and I have the whole legal thing to take care of. I remember you stating how you used to worry about things out of your control, and I totally relate. I just found I'd be in rehab, not focusing on the program, because I'd be stressing about, "what am I going to do for money? I have to get to court and start my restitution." I hope I can do it this time around. I'm not assuming anything. I'm just going to take the antabuse every morning, as it seems to be working. I'm amazed I'm not struggling with cravings. This last DUI scared the shit out of me. Scared me more than all the hell I've been through. Why did it scare me? Because I know I'd do it again, and end up in prison. I know there is a great chance I'd become a murderer behind the wheel of a car. I can't take that fear. It will be hell on earth, and hell in the after life. I wasn't ignoring your advice. I'm fine with the out patient, as well as other support. I still see my pdoc and take my mood stabilizers, and they are working very very well. Imagine that. They actually work when I take them everyday and not drink/drug. I want to be rid of them one day as well, but won't rush it. Another BIGGIE, that I think I underestimated, was ridding myself of drunks. I was thinking back to when I was living with a roommate and he'd have friends over, or we would go out together. I had success with Campral, but still struggled. I remember getting so moody dealing with their drunk ass. The moods finally got to me. I can not ever be around drunks. I didn't go home for Christmas, as there are drunks in my family. I don't have the strength yet. Anyway, that is it in a nutshell for me the past few weeks. I appreciate the welcome back. I'll try to post more often. Love you all.