30 days???

[toughintexas]

30 days???

Hey Luvbug, I know the feeling, we all do! The last booger I pulled, I think finally did me in, I hurt badly for a week, really bad, and like I said, I decided on my birthday, that was it! I haven't been AF, but haven't had a big buzz, or a hangover period, if I ever feel like I'm "loosing my control" again, I'll quit period. Right now, I feel utterly blessed to have a couple, and that's it, that's huge for me, and I thank God for it everyday! Glad to "hear" from everyone! Nibs, sounds like you had some really bad weather, but you are doing great. MA, I wish Mike would take the control out of your hands, and divorce you girlfriend! You deserve so much more, and yes, if you had a supportive hubby, that wasn't such a horrible example for you and your sons, you'd be better off. Mike is his Dad, and now Mike is your son's role model, not good! They may swear off because of the way they see him, or decide later in life, that it was good enough for the 2 of you, and do the samething. You would thrive in a different environment! I'm trying to adjust from being in wonderful Colorado, missed the bad weather here, it was a turd floater and not even 40 degrees, it was sunny and 50-60 degrees there, awesome! I'll check ya'll later, I have to get things in order here from being gone a week!

[toughintexas]

30 days???

Hey, WHERE IS BIRD????????

[Cinders]

30 days???

Hi, TIT!!

Love,
Cindi

[cowgal]

30 days???

hey all

Not too well here, not drinking too much but a few each night for a few.................up super early for my 6:30 day, at least I get out of there around 4...............hopefully I can muster up the courage to not drink, and to go to the gym instead..................haven't had quality time w/ the kids, although they are never home, David at BF's house, Zac at school clubs etc...........Mike not home until after 8 last night, our "anniversary"..................I bought him 3 Dogwood trees since my horses at the bark of as many in the pasture and killed them. Thought I should replace them, will make our yard look better...................

Work is still a drag, but if I was AF I would be able to handle it better................being told "Clarissa (a girl who started the same time as I did)is "gelling" and doing so much better than you" doesn't do much for your confidence..................not good management skills if you ask me.....................I cried in the bathroom, which I do often) after that one, she said it in front of one other employee.

Just learned that they are letting one guy go in 2 weeks, makes me ?? when my time is up? I cannot afford to get laid off again, hope they have mercy on this "old lady"...............I am trying SOOOOOOOOOO hard to do a good job, but just seem to not be able to "gel" I guess....................

sorry to B and M, talk to you guys later, just down alittle.....................

lots of love, yeah where is BIRD???? Good to see you Cindi, call me............

Great to see some of you on facebook too!!! That is fun! I an do more w/ pics on there, but myspace I like for the music! I have too much spare time, TIL next week or so when I start school!!! Hope I am smart enough and haven't killed too many brain cells so I can pass all the boards etc...................

XOXO

MA

[toughintexas]

30 days???

MA, you are smart enough! Just try hard not to drink during the week, and you'll feel more confident and it will stress you less! Have you thought about taking anabuse like on Sunday night, and then not drink all week, and maybe, maybe if you can handle having a couple of weekends, do that? I just think you so need out of the "hell" of being with Mike, but you do what you need to do! Love all of you, still trying to catch up on e-mails from the vet business, and stuff around here, weather is still yucky, not doing alot for the attitude of being back in Texas vs. Colorado! Ok, Nibs, send out the spy goat for Bird, she's AWOL, I'm fixing to e-mail her private, and find out what's up!

[brittzak]

30 days???

MA, I am so sorry times are just plain shitty girl. But, any amount of alcohol just makes them 1 million times worse! A one day drunk has set me back days. I haven't felt well since. Of course, Zak is ill right now and has had me up 3 nights in a row, BUT had I been on top of my game...I would be sailing right now, not dragging ass. Poor lil guy has a virus AGAIN...I keep thinking he has strep, all the symptoms are the same. His doc said he has seen a ton of kids with it. Pussy, swollen, red throats but negative strep...so, he has put himself to bed again tonight by 6 pm. I hate when the kids are sick.

[cowgal]

30 days???

sucks

Mike is happier than a pig in shit, I am drinking again, I feel like shit every morning, but din't enjoy the drinking w/ him, he is outside drinking I am inside here doing the same alone................kids are great, but gonna go shower so I can take Zac to school tomorrow AM at 7.........................GOD THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!

MA:h:upset::upset::upset::upset:

[cowgal]

30 days???

don't worry

I will be ok, just love all you guys in GB, here in US, you all have been so supportive......................hippie, teardrop.................good to have you as friends................wish I had someone closer I could talk to...................

Oh btw Nibs I wished we lived closer too.....................would love to ride w/ you, neck and neck talk and just plain enjoy the fact of being on the horses, you will be fine on her.................OXOXOX~

MA

[toughintexas]

30 days???

Luv, I hated that when the kids were sick too! Esp. when they went to bed a-ok, and woke up at 3am, with a high fever, or throwing up, etc! It's a good thing I never drank until I was in my mid 30's, I'd have been major dragging ass too! I think every now and again, we have a one-dayer, such crap, that serves to remind us how awful the beast is! Not to mention, I'm just too damn old to rebound anymore! Hell, I can't even stay up as late as I used to anymore, or I'm a zombie the next day! I started back working out yesterday, and tried to soak up some Vit. D by pool, thing is, I'm so white, I'm afraid I've blinded the dogs!!! I got an e-mail back from Bird, she's fine, and sober 5 mos. now....GO BIRD! She's just been dealing with staying that way she said, and just busy, she promised to pop in soon tho! Love you all!

[Accountable for Me]

30 days???

cowgal;575385 wrote: Mike is happier than a pig in shit, I am drinking again, I feel like shit every morning, but din't enjoy the drinking w/ him, he is outside drinking I am inside here doing the same alone................kids are great, but gonna go shower so I can take Zac to school tomorrow AM at 7.........................GOD THIS SUCKS!!!!!!!!

MA:h:upset::upset::upset:

Oh, honey. You KNOW that you will never feel good about yourself, or quit drinking being in such a toxic marriage. Every time you do well with the not drinking, he is constantly bringing you down so, you end up drinking again.

What is your address? I will fly down there and bitch slap that man. And not just once!

I feel so sad for you. :upset:

Dump the booze! It isn't worth it - it never is! :l

[toughintexas]

30 days???

MA, of course he is happy!!! He's got you on his level and off your game! He wants you to be just like him, you know that! He is soooooo holding you back! I wish I were closer too, I'd come rope you and haul you off! I know how excited the kids were that you weren't drinking, so remember that, my daughter is a pill, and still hasn't communicated with me, and it hurts like hell, but I guess they just get disappointed in us, which hurts like hell too....at least this time, I sounded "weird" from adjusting my meds, but I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. I don't understand how you just decide you don't need a Mom that loves you sooo much, oh well! I just pray about it, and trust God to make it all ok, He knows how much I love my kids. Please don't let him drag you down! It's not worth it! If you want to have a couple of drinks, I swear, I still wouldn't do it in front of him, or with him, bad as that sounds! He's never going to change, you see his Dad! You deserve more, and if you were with someone that was supportive of your efforts, and supportive of trying to better yourself, you wouldn't be having this problem!!!! He doesn't want you to be sober, or further your education, he wants you just like him! I love you too much to see that happen! Call me if you need to, anytime ok!

[toughintexas]

30 days???

AFM, I'LL GET YOUR BACK! WE'LL GO DOWN THERE AND THAT POOR MAN WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT HIM! LUVBUG IS A BADASS SOUTHERN GIRL TOO, SHE COULD HELP, AND BIRD IS CLOSE, SHE COULD THROW A FEW SLAPS TOO I'LL BET!!!!!

[cowgal]

30 days???

up and sad

I am up this late, sad cuz the kids are wondering why I am drinking again, and upset about it..............I bought tickets to a really cool rock concert Friday for me and Zac to go to, then Mike said he wanted to go, bought him a ticket too...............w/ $$ I don't have to blow, but WTF?? I am wondering if I even want to go now, could have gone AF w/ Zac, but w/ Mike, I doubt it is possible, maybe will try my damnest to mod............guys,I am the one who needs bitch slapped, I keep going (coming) back for more, he has such a "fear" hold on me..............I just don't know....................I cannot sleep now, am up eating everything in sight cuz I am so depressed, I am going to become a COW if I keep this up though..............

off watch the news, another thing ..................we get ONE tv station in this house, our satellite has been out for over a week, I am so sick of this,no joys of living in the country, just takes forever to get anywhere, no horses, piece of shit husband, man am I depressed or what???

love you guys,

MA

[cowgal]

30 days???

ok

I am not the biggest computer whiz, how can I download a song from utube onto here so you all can here it??

Off to work, won't be back til late tonight, but maybe I can get some help???

love you all!!!!!!! XOXOXO

MA:l:l:l:h:h:h

[greeneyes]

30 days???

Thinking of you MA and sending you strength. :h