30 days???

[toughintexas]

30 days???

LUV, this is a place to be honest, not sugar coat things! I can't imagine all the crap you've been thru, but I know what a wonderful person you are, how cute, smart, and you are such a good Mom! I do know, you have to let this go, I've been thru alot since childhood too, and I know it will eat you up. You have to find someone that will help you get past all the crap, I don't think you've ever gotten over Billy, and I understand, but he'd want you to let it go, and have a happy life. You are bigger than all this, and you have to find a way to forgive and forget, not forget the good things, just focus on those instead, and be the wonderful human you are! We love you, and are here for you!

[ready2change]

30 days???

MA and Luv...I will say a prayer for both of you. But I think you both know, drinking only exacerbates any problem you may be experiencing at the time. Drinking will not solve anything nor make anything go away. In the long run, it will only make things worse, much worse. Your both tremendous humans who live on this earth will all it's imperfections. You all sound so happy when your sober and so unbelievably miserable when your drinking. Just remember the first line of the serenity prayer:

God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Alot of the things you two are saying you are drinking over are things you definately cannot change.

I hope this is taken in the context it is meant. Again, hugs to both of you who are struggling so badly and I will keep you in my prayers.

[cowgal]

30 days???

Much love

More2 AND TIt!!!! No bad feelings, I am feeling muchbbetter, will get out of this situationnand now on baclofen hoping to be stronger......LUV my heart goes out you, love and prayers sent your way.


XOXOXO

MA

[cowgal]

30 days???

Hope and love

I love you guys soooooooooo much gotta let you know I just had acupuncture, did it, costn less$$$$$ than Rhonda who I am hopeless w/ her help aymore ESP after talking to Barry, am TOTALLY turned off from them of is all about the $$$$$$ so she
can her Botox/lip injections etc...... I have totally changed my attitude anout them........ Should have listened to TIT , more2 and all the others, am SOOOO much in debt over this you have no clue, sorry to bring this up..... Gotta go am home now...,......

MA

[cowgal]

30 days???

ok

I just wanted to check in and say all is well......................AF, on bac, it is making me a little sleepy, which is good, going to bed and falling asleep to the movie Apaloosa,(I think, it is a western, will put me out)

Then up at 4:30 to do it all over again, at least without a hangy!!!! :H :H

lots of love, hope all are well, I am!!!

MA:h

[greeneyes]

30 days???

Hi MA, I'm glad you're doing better. I'm watching a kid movie, I won't last long. I'm beat. Here's to a good week for you. Luv, I wish you'd check in.

[greeneyes]

30 days???

TMI

[brittzak]

30 days???

I am ok guys! My Dad is actually here with me and has been for 2 days. Going to see him was wonderful, but it also brought up and VERY painful chilhood that I have tried to bury. I am going to share it with you here because we have ben through so much in this group. I just got a PM from Greenie and I can read it in her PM her concern and in others here. When my parents were 9 they divorced...up until their divorce we went to church every time the doors were open...lead a very normal life. My Mama leaves my Dad and marries a pothead and moves us there are three of us kids to the projects..LITERALLY. We had been normal middle class. Now you have to think this is 30 years ago. So, keep that is mind as I tell this story. Mama nor new husband ever work we lived on government assistance my whole life until I moved out at 16. BUT, from the age of 9 to 16 and my sister 11 to 16 we were severly abused. Her husband abused us...molested us. My Mama was told ...she kicked him out and TOOK him back. As punishment for telling he beats my sister. He then takes me and hits my hand with a sledge hammer three times and tells me if I tell he we break my arm next...I have to say I kneed my sister in the eye wrestling to our grandparents when they see her eye. My grandpa knows it is a lie so he calls my Dad...my Dad BEGGED him to go to the police but he wont....the police wouldnt believe my Dad but had my Mama's own parents went...they would have...now our whole lives we were told that our Dad just didn't want us. So then my Mama gets us out of oklahoma and moves us back to Texas to keep us so far away from family they couldnt do anything. Hell we didnt even have a phone, moved every 6 months...that was how long it would take to get evicted from one place to the next. The step dad had 3 kids as well. My Mama would abuse his daughter so badly at times her eyes would be swelled shut. So, I got the hell outta dodge at 16....stayed away from them all for YEARS. When Billy dies....Mama keeps asking to come here, so I wsa a fucking mess so I let her. After she dies I find a journal......in this journal she has written the most horrible things....that my Dad isnt my Dad, that she had came here because she wanted me to financially support her...then 2 months before she died she had went home to die back in Oklahoma....she told them all I was overmedicating her. IF you know anything about Hospice I couldnt have done it if I wanted to. Hospice counts each lil pill each time they come out and I had to keep a log. But, my WHOLE family in OKLAHOMA believed her. My brother and I were there for her death, but as soon as she died, we left. We didnt attend her funeral. What does this say about her as a mother 3 children and 1 attends your funeral...not to damn good. But, he knew I damn near worked to death taking care of her...working raising 2 kids and caring for her. I TRIED ...you all can not imagine that pain that on her death bed I believe our mother hated me. But, WHY???? So, I have tried and tried to get and stay sober and I do go AF for several months at a time, but seeing my Dad at his party brought all this pain back up...But, what I have done this time that I never did before is pick up the damn phone and call him. I said Daddy I need help. I will NEVER forget what happened, but if I wanna live, I have to learn to forgive in my heart and just turn this pain over to God. So, that is what we have been doing for 2 whole days. He hasnt sat here and bashed my Mama...because even though this is painful for him too, he turned it over to God years ago. I think the reason I can not get over Billy's death is because I felt God was punishing me yet again. Although it is not a punishment. Now, I am not saying the pain is just gone in 2 days...it is not...but this is where I am today.
MA.....reach out to someone...everyone has someone. It was the hardest call of my life to call my Dad. A true Christian wont turn their back on you. What happens when we dont turn the pain over and eliminate people that cause constant pain, you will never heal. Please know you are not alone MA.

[greeneyes]

30 days???

Luv... MA..... :l:h

[brittzak]

30 days???

I hope this doesnt offend anyone that I post this here. I ws just sent it by a friend and thouhgt it was beautiful. I know the 30 day folks here are all Christians so enjoy the read my friends.

BEST POEM IN THE WORLD


I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor..

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus , 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

'And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

JUDGE NOT...

Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any
more than standing in your garage makes you a mechanic or a car..
Every saint has a PAST...Every sinner has a FUTURE! In Christ Jesus

[toughintexas]

30 days???

LUVbug, that is so awesome, that's what I thought you needed to do, and I'm so proud of you, sometimes we have to Let Go, and Let God, no matter how painful it is, only He can truly heal your heart! You hang in there, and I'm going to send you some things I love from a couple of places! You call your country cousin here anytime!!!! I love you!

[cowgal]

30 days???

LUV!!!!

LUV, :l:l:l lots of hugs to you, you really need them, I loved the poem too, how true it is.......................

doing ok, day 2 baclofen is not bothering me AT ALL...................love it!!! NO desire, but we'll see if and when it comes back whether the baclofen really works, right!?!? I have felt releived of the desire/obsession before too......................

lots of love, just getting home, tired, have another 12 + hour day again tomorrow and I REALLY need to do some paperwork, bills etc tonight.........................:upset:

love you guys!!!!:h

MA

[sunbird]

30 days???

Day 11 for me-I'm in
Sunbird

[greeneyes]

30 days???

Hope everybody is doing OK today. I feel like I'm mentally ill, but I hope it'll go away soon. It's annoying.

Sunbird, well done on the double digits!!

[cowgal]

30 days???

Ok......

Greenie, hope you are ok, sun, glad to meet ya!!!! You are doing great at day 11.........should be past the rough part!

More2, TIT, LUV, bird and nibs........ And anyone I left out, hope you are ok, made it through the firstv5 hours of the day, only 6 or so more to go......BLAH!!!!:upset::upset:

Love, MA:h:l