One Step at a Time - October 2013

[gettinitright]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Pauley remember your last day one! Remember how bad you felt? It's not worth it. Trust me, I thought about flippin everyone the finger today and going to the liquor store. But, when I woke up tomorrow, I'd regret it. Make a plan that you can look forward to for tonight or tomorrow. If you need someone to talk to, we can talk.

[paulywogg]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Gettin,theres just too much on my mind to even think straight,i worry about january when hubs goes to court for his dui,if he loses his job were fucked! my sons x-box games keep dissapearing and were pretty sure its baby louies dad taking them and pawning them,money probs,all kind of crap im trying to block out but jesus,i cant!

[Glass Half Empty]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Pauly I'm so sorry you're so stressed sweetie. It sounds as though you have some genuine worries, but you know that drinking won't make them go away. I wish I could help but all I can do is send these :l :l :l

[gettinitright]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Its a temp fix Pauly. I am sorry! I get the legal probs, money issues that surround all that, etc...but, we all know drinking makes it worse.

[Caper]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Oh, Pauly... I know everyone here just wants to put their arms around you in a big group hug... which would actually be a stranglehold with a straightjacket... to keep you from drinking, Sweetie. I can't pretend to know what you're going through right now but I do know one thing... you need to stay in the day and not worry about your husband's January court date or whatever's going on with Louie's dad, etc. You need to take care of yourself tonight.... just find another bag of those cashews, gobble down the whole thing, and go to be early... it's always easier to sort things out in the morning....

[paulywogg]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Thanks everybody,i understand completely what everyones saying,in the morning things look bleak anyways,i havent drank in 40 days,i dealt with it all sober,i cant fix everything or anything,including myself i just want/need to get out of my head for a bit,ive been stuck thinking and dwelling for way too long,i dont know what else could make me feel better,ugh,i hate this!

[paulywogg]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

I hate my husband for putting me through this! but i love him,his mom had just died 3 days earlier,maybe he went crazy i dont know,it still doesnt explain the other chick he had in the car,i never second guessed my looks or myself now i wonder?

[gettinitright]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Pauly, I don't know the history here, but I hate, hate, hate you are in such pain.

[gettinitright]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Off to bed early tonight. EXHAUSTED...going to the flea markets tomorrow. I like to buy fruits and veggies there. I gotta eat better next week. I didn't worry about it much this week, but next week needs to be healthier or I will weigh 200 lbs. I hope you all had a decent, peaceful Friday night.

[Kradle123]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Hello my sweet, sneezy people! :h

Everyone here is truly inspiring me battling through the gargantuan obstacles and the teeny tiny germs which make a crazy this time of year...we need a little Kleenex blowing emoticon !

Liz I have to ask wat your SIL was doing when you got in? I mean you just landed for heavens sake. Hope you can pop up and see Mama for a hug...

K9 there is no way you are not going to make not make it into the police dept...have you ever seen the FILM RUDY? I highly recommend it. It is The Film for people like yourself who just will not give up. hugs to you and Sierra. Hope she's feeling better.

Pauly, I want to hug hug hug you too :l think Caper is right about the future tripping. Our Eyes have to stay about 2 feet in front of us only. That's about as far as I look so I don't start planning/giving myself permission to drink.

Ive been mind tripping lately and I can really see all the way to the crappy end this time. I wanted to truly drink tonight.. Long awful day ....and I was headed to the girls dance studio and I dropped them off and I though...I'll just pop into the grocery and get a small bottle of rum and it won't be a big deal and blah blah blah...and then I though about waking up at 3am with that, "Oh Shit! I drank!! Feeling...:shocked: and the headache when I do eventually get up and then the stomach you know what's on top of that and I thought...nope...heading home to eat eat eat and watch Netflix....so here I am....Fat, Dumb & Sober!

Getting, I didn't realize the whole context around your post but I think the sentiment remains the same. You are taking great strides, your kids are fine...Sedona's getting a little Bratty lately too and Chistmas is a million miles away. Let's get our butts through halloween first!!

Thank you everyone for your wonderful words of mommy support. A few nights ago we all had a blow up because Matt had once again falied all his classes...dad went to the conferences and basically it's the same ol same ol...smart kid doesn't turn anything in..
That was a hard night...no details but Husband went off the deep end..Matt takes off and I'm standing there like..'What the Fuck just happened....???' at that point I want a divorce from the whole damn kitten kaboddle...(sp) I can tell you!
Well, Dad and I talk it all out tye next day and I explained very clearly...very STRONGLY...that I don't want this life anymore...this treading water, low level happiness, bullshit borderline existence anymore. We either make serious changes here or I'm gone because I'm not doing this crappy life sober...Shitfaced, I could handle it but sober...no way.....so to speak...

Well, I believe something resonated with him because it truly has been a weight off my chest and we hugged a long time and he told me what Matt had said and that it was just further evidence of Matt's Faulty thinking- that a divorce would solve his problems, give him freedom to smoke and fail....that is truly how He see it all playing out in his head..big sigh ...I asked my husband if he thought my drinking had affected Matt and he said of course it affected him but it didn't cause him to become what he is becoming...that's a function of his wiring and his character...that eased my heart somewhat. I know as mummies we struggle with that..

So today hubs and I spent the morning going through programs and we have settled on a Ten month Boarding School in Arizona- its called THE ARIVACA BOYS RANCH and it uses primarily EQUINE THERAPY to reach their students...these children are eventually given their own horse to gentle or break in if you will. They use horses because they are so sensitive to people and act as mirrors for behavior. They are very centered on teaching the children through relationships and you know if you can get. Horse to like you and do what you ask, well...that's pretty big!

Anyway, this school is incredibly expensive and I'm on the phone for financing. This will set us back big time but so would seeing my child in jail or in the morgue.. We are working closely already with admissions. Matt has NO IDEA and I believe the way we are going to do this is simply give a pretense for visiting my girlfriend in Pheonix and then my husband will drive him from the airport to the ranch...I CAN NOT be there for that...no way. Matt will be freaked. But we have given him every chance. We dont think its a good idea to tell him ahead of time becasue think he will run away and then I will have the courts, jail or worse to contend with...no...i think this will be the kindest way even though it seems so cruel and harsh...
Dad said he could do this because he is more than ready to say goodbye to this Mathieu and get his real son back in 10 months....

So that's why I've been scarce lately. This is very tiring and I have a headache every day....I tell your missed THIS fricken memo at the hospital. Heading for my PJs and it's 730 on Friday night...

and we are NOT old and Boring Mama...we are...we are....Having a time out...:l

This is going to be tough so I'm so grateful to have all of you.:l

[Kradle123]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Nora my love! :h I didn't forget about you. I ran out of Huggy people :l and now Matt has started Drumming...better to self medicate with the drums though.

At least the weekend is here so you can rest...stay off the feet...rest and j
ust have some lazy time.

Love you:l:h :l

[K9Lover]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Kradle :l
Pauly :l
Gettin :l

That's all....

Love the rest of you too :h

[gettinitright]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Thank you K9! :h:

[K9Lover]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

I just removed Skype from my iPad.....don't need that (gettin...you know what I'm talkin bout) lol

[Glass Half Empty]

One Step at a Time - October 2013

Seems like ALL of you need hugs in one way or another today! :l :h :l :h :l

Kradle I can imagine how hard this will be for you but I think this could be the making of Matt. It sounds as though you don't have much choice other than to take some drastic action or he really could end up ruining his life. I'm sure he'll give you grief over it for now, but in the long term he will thank you.

Pauly - how are you going? Did you manage to hang in there?

And Nora - how are you feeling honey - remaining vertical?