SOBER OCTOBER

[Tom321]

SOBER OCTOBER

Lizann;1566206 wrote: Wow, free great advice for quake! I'm going to file away those excuses for future reference, they're good. I have a wedding (a small one) on Saturday and it would be obvious that I am not drinking. Thanks for your help!

You did quake! You should be very proud of yourself! Hope your mom makes out ok with the PET scan. Will you keep us updated?

Tom my hubby is a chiropractor who is into healthy stuff. He and I are doing the isogenix 9 day cleanse. It's a long story but this cleanse supplies all the vitamins and nutrients.. I'll let you know how I feel tonite after drinking and not eating all day! Thanks for shedding light on the foot situation. Do you think it's bad to keep running? Hoping it'll feel better today.

Have healthily happy focused AF day all!

I would keep running and ice it afterward but i'm a glutton for punishment. Is there anyway you can run on a softer surface? I think that would help. Tendon issues are tricky...something that should help is soaking your feet in an epsom salt bath.
Tom

[free at last]

SOBER OCTOBER

Congrats Quakegirl on getting through the dinner. You will find that once you have gone through one social situation without drinking, you can tackle the next. For me, saying "no thanks" is like a muscle. The more I use it, the stronger I become. Sending thoughts of strength as you await news of your mothers.

Congrats to others on this sober October journey. We are making progress.

[Quakegirl]

SOBER OCTOBER

Thanks, Free - hope your day is going well. All bad re my mum. Cancer is everywhere so no point in surgery. Appt re chemo tomorrow. But I will not add to the bad things in my life by drinking.

[SoberSoul]

SOBER OCTOBER

Sorry guys. Life got crazy. I spent the past few days glued to my keyboard practicing nursery rhymes I taught myself to play. A young man came over today to record a CD with me playing and singing to my little grandchildren. It's very amateurish but the little ones will enjoy It I hope.

So encouraging to get some coping tools to deal with the drink pushers. It's so hard to be different from what's expected from others. I am reading a good book now about why women drink. We are such people pleasers. I know men drink for different reasons but at the end of the day we are all in recovery together. .

[Tom321]

SOBER OCTOBER

Sorry to hear that, Quake. Happy you are staying strong. I admire your resolve.
Hi, Sober, glad you checked in and are doing ok.

[Quakegirl]

SOBER OCTOBER

Hi Sober - yes, it's hard to say 'no'. Having excuses At the ready is a great idea, especially since people wonder what an earth is wrong when you turn down a drink. Sad, really, that it's such a big deal - and that people tend to push back so hard. Your CD sounds fun!

Hey, Tom, thanks for the encouraging words. I ate a bunch of absolute crap today, but I didn't drink. My darling husband said he thought about buying a bottle of wine, but knowing how hard I am trying, he didn't. And when I went to see friends tonight and they offered me coffee, tea or wine, I asked for water. Going to bed tired, full of bad food, but sober.

One thing I am loving about not drinking is having a clear enough mind to meditate each night. Never was any point when I was smashed. I love the calm I wake up to in the a.m. And the way the cat has taken to curling up in my crossed legs.

[Tom321]

SOBER OCTOBER

Hope today is finding everyone well. Didn't sleep well so got my workout in at 4:30 a.m. So, my mother in law and my really annoying sister in law are flying in from Texas today and staying with us for 5 days. Pls help me, lol. I used to be able to hide at the pub up the street or one of the bars near my office but that's out, obviously. The sister is a nice enough person but there is just something about her...if she talks to me for more than ten seconds I swear my eyes glaze over and I start to get itchy. Sister trigger. No way I am drinking but pls keep me in your thoughts today, lol.

[SoberSoul]

SOBER OCTOBER

I'll be thinking of you Tom. Now that you've voiced the situation as a possible trigger, you'll be extra aware of it and not cave in. Maybe while she's over, you could ramp up your exercise routine and stay out of the house more.

Quake Girl, I am happy for you that you can find the time and presence of mind to meditate. Can you tell me a little about how you do it and for how long?

am trying to get into meditation too. It seems that all the little things I want to do that are good for me, I don't do. Like switching from coffee to tea, meditating, rebounding daily, taking my supplements. Right now I am just concentrating on not drinking and the rest will follow I guess. I was pretty absorbed in practicing for my CD and am so sick of nursery rhymes and songs now that the keyboard is calling me to play my favourite music.

That book I am reading (I will publish the title soon) talks about how we, as women, are perfectionists and have set such high standards for ourselves that we are always drowning our disappointments in booze. We can't possibly live up to the standards we set for ourselves. After reading that, I decided to buy canned pumpkin for the pies this Thanksgiving weekend (Canada) instead of buying the gourds themselves. Why do I have to Martha Stewart my way around the kitchen? LOL.

Thanks for the birthday wishes, by the way. 57 is pretty anti-climatic.

[Quakegirl]

SOBER OCTOBER

Morning all - another AF morning. Wish I could feel the full impact of it, but my stomach is in knots and I feel like hell. Oncologist appt this morning with my mother. But at least once that is over, we'll have the full picture, as ugly as it is.

Tom - - you need to join a gym. Or go to the gym. Or change your gym hours to the witching hour. Or find 5 pleasurable, life enhancing things that do not involve alcohol or associations with alcohol - and explain to your wife that you're on a health kick, or that you just need a bit of breathing space this week after a tough month at work. Or tell her the truth - early evenings are hard since you quit. You can leave out the bit about the sister That buys you at least a couple of hours an evening, and you'll feel much calmer and able to cope by the time you get home. Plus you'll discover some fun stuff to do w/out drinking. If you can't do a 5 night gym blitz, then get creative and plan a schedule - just don't make it work or anything onerous. Start a DIY project that you WANT to see completed, do something voluntary that involves the early evening, join a cause or campaign that matters to you (preferably one that involves early evening meetings), book a violent, guy-movie with a friend (one that neither your wife nor sister would be able to stomach), take a long bike ride, go for an early evening walk (a really long one), go for a swim at your local pool, find a book reading, play or something else that you'd really enjoy. Just don't stay late at work, or do something that's going to make you feel worse at the end of it than better. You've earned these wonderful, precious, FOCUSED, clear headed evening hours. Celebrate them.

Sober - meditation is just wonderful, for so many things. It's really not complicated, but you do need to understand a bit about the philosophy behind it and the approach to get it right. Otherwise you'll just torment yourself with your own thinking...if you can find a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction programme in your area (google it), you might want to sign up for that. The courses usually run about 8 weeks, and they take you through it, step by step. Meditation is a form of mindfulness, so it's all about staying in the moment and noticing what's here, not getting carried away to the past or present or what-ifs etc. If you can't find a course, there's a book by a guy called Jon Kabat Zinn called Full Catastrophe Living that steps you through the programme. It also comes with guided CDs. The MBSR courses are based on Kabat Zinn's work @ Univ of Massachusetts Medical School, and are evidence based and not at all religious. Truly amazing, life changing stuff. You might be able to find a course online.

Sorry for the rant. It helps for me to take my mind off my own crap. Off to the Onc now. See you all on the other side. 11 days in and counting

[Tom321]

SOBER OCTOBER

Thx, Sober and thx Quake..all very good advice, I appreciate it. I actually have a really good exercise setup in my basement...weights, treadmill, elliptical, punching bag, etc. and mentally it helps me to workout before work..sets my day up nicely and I'm not beat up after a long day at the office. I have handled things well so far here with the wife's mom and sis ..maybe I am mellowing out or just finally in a good place.
I will look into the meditation resources you mention as well, I have been trying to get 15 min in a nite but
It can get frustrating.

[Lizann]

SOBER OCTOBER

Tom, I know how that in law thing goes. Be glad it's only five days. My father in law would visit for three weeks at a time! It was more difficult the older he got. He did pass away earlier this year, but that's a story for another day.
Quake, think Ill look into meditation. I know absolutely nothing about it.
Walked for close to an hour today. The cleanse is going very well. I felt so amazing yesterday! Today was more difficult and I was sluggish. Tomorrow should be easier according to hubby.
Tom I'm almost afraid to say that my foot feels better. Hope I'm on the mend.

[Quakegirl]

SOBER OCTOBER

Hi Lizann - pleased to hear that the foot is better. I really need to exercise right now, so I would be really frustrated to have an injury! Good going with the walking. I managed to get a 40 minute one in with the dog. Wish it could have been more, but the day got away on me.
Meditation is so good for helping to manage cravings. it helps to be able to step back and just watch them ebb and flow, and let them go. If you're having trouble sitting still with a busy mind, yoga can be a good way in - a bit more active and sometimes easier to stay focused on the movements or easier to do a meditation or body scan at the end, when you're a bit physically tired.
Speaking of, I am SO tired. Went out to dinner with friends tonight, didn't drink. Also tuned down a glass of wine when I popped into work, and everyone was drinking @ the end of the day. Wasn't hard. Sort of just felt like 'what? really? but why would I?' Dinner a bit harder, but just rode it out. Day 11 down, looking forward to waking up clearheaded and content on day 12. Best of luck to everyone a few time zones away, who still have the evening to get through. You can do it!

[Tom321]

SOBER OCTOBER

Happy to hear about the foot, Lizann, and that the cleans seems to be going well. Quake, nice job staying focused, that's another prize for ya.I downloaded the full catastrophe book and have a 3 day weekend ahead, I figure that will be a nice project. Best to all.
Tom

[Tom321]

SOBER OCTOBER

Oh, and btw...the sister in law gave me a gift last night...Texas shot glasses. The universe is a funny gal. Gave me goosebumps, I had to laugh.

[SoberSoul]

SOBER OCTOBER

Good one about your SIL's gift Tom!!

Straining to persevere in my alcohol soaked environment. My hubby is crashing as his business is in the red and he just turned 65. He is exhausted and announced last night that he is done with drinking. I felt I finally had a comrade in arms. Probably temporary. Life can be so complicated. I crave simplicity.

Thanks for the meditation info Quake Girl. I will investigate what's available in my little French world here in Quebec. I may just have to rely on books as the language barrier keeps me from taking courses in this area of Canada where the spoken language is not my own.

Have a safe, serene weekend. I hope your appointment with your Mother brings some stress relief rather than additional fear and pain, Quake Girl. xx