I'm hating myself

[morrison]

Well, I was over 2 months, and got wasted out of my mind yesterday. :upset: I feel so bad physically and mentally. I've been taking the Campral, and had no urge to drink at all. I drank in spite of not even wanting to. Don't ask me why. I was a bit angry about something, and it wasn't even a big deal. I just got hammered for the sake of getting hammered, cause its been awhile. It's not like I gave into temptation, cause I don't have the cravings as long as I take the Campral. I guess I am just truly self destructive. I threw up earlier and there was some blood in there. I'm so angry. I feel like I set my body bake so badly. I was working out and eating great. Why did I do this? It doesn't make sense. I am a bit crazy, and I do take meds for my mood swings. I feel like kicking my own ass. I really needed to get this off my chest. I never thought I was going to drink again. I'm an idiot. Well, I guess I'm back on the wagon. Just sad I had to do this. :upset:

[morrison]

I'm hating myself

Feeling selfsish

I just posted this above, and gotta say I feel Selfish. After posting in the VT thread. I guess I shouldn't be thinking of myself right now. Just glad that all of you are here, and I hope you are safe and healthy. Incidents like VT remind us how fragile our existence it, and we must cherish our time. Life can be so good. Why do people have to destory? :upset:

[Guest]

I'm hating myself

Hop back on...you have been doing good, so chalk it up to DANG IT...and start again.

[Determinator]

I'm hating myself

Morrison Bro, I'm feeling for you!!!!

it's ok to be selfish...if you don't look after #1 you can't look after diddly-squat.
and it looks like you've already kicked your own ass, so it's time for a breather...welcome back to the wagon. You've been quite the inspiration whether you know it or not.

[Guest]

I'm hating myself

Morrison, I think things like the VT murders heightend our sense of self and make us feel vunerable. You are still learning everyday is new. Yeah yesterday wasn't good. But your not going to let it affect you today right.? Today your back to A/F. I am concerned about the blood in the vomit. Has that happened before?
I care
Mary

[lushy]

I'm hating myself

Morrison you have resisted drinking during some very tempting situations as I recall. You inspired me when I needed it. Learn from this. I have no doubt you will be back on another long AF streak. Just get through today.

[Guest]

I'm hating myself

We all have set-backs; the important thing is that you can start again. Treat yourself out today to your favorite food, take it home and eat it while watching your favorite movie. That always helps me...

On a side note: I wish I could learn to kick my own ass too.

[happycamper68]

I'm hating myself

Morrison,
get your old avatar back- it's good luck- and yes kick your own ass a bit and get back on the wagon. I also agree about the blood in the vomit- don't like that- what did you drink? The lining of your tummy sounds like it might need to be looked at. Make sure there is no blood coming out of anywhere else if you know what I mean. :h

[Popeye]

I'm hating myself

Hi morrison,
I'm sorry you're feeling bad, but I'm glad you know what to do next.
Take care.

[morrison]

I'm hating myself

You're all amazing people

luvuall

determinator

simey

lushy

gg

fan

happy and popeye. Thank you all so much. You're all amazing. You do not judge me, even though I could be judged. I'm very flattered that some people have gotten inspiration from me in the past. I didn't realize that. And yes, I was able to make it through some hard times. The program has been great. I haven't posted as much, cause I was doing so good, so I would just read, and post in the Fitness section or something. God, I feel stupid for not getting on here yesterday. I know you guys would have helped me out. I'll try not to get lazy and assumed I'm fully healed. I guess this thing can just sneak up on you like this, even if the cravings aren't really there. I'm glad I didn't enjoy myself though. My friend said not to stress, that it's just a painful reminder. I've apologized to my roomate, and will apologize to my friends as well. I said I won't get drunk again, and I mean it. Just wish I could forgive myself. I am so messed up in the head. I think the blood in my gut is because I just drank ALL day long, and didn't eat a thing. I was doing shots, as well as beer, so I imagine it is rough on my stomach without any food. Oh, I was smoking too. I quit that along time ago. I think my stomach gets really acidic too. Plus, I'm beating myself up pretty good, and that gets me sicker. I'm glad I got on here and was honest. I considered not mentioning it, but I HATE lying. Haha, another drunk with morals over here. The irony. :H Trust me folks. I'm back on the wagon. Sucks to have to start on day 1 all over again. I'll shatter my record though. I lost count after 8 weeks. Maybe I should keep track, if it will keep me from slipping. Love ya all.

[morrison]

I'm hating myself

happy - avatar is back

Good advice happy. When I joined here, I used the 100 year old Mr. Burns as my avatar, cause that is how I felt. Now he's back, cause that is how I'm feeling today. Maybe I'll keep him as a remider of how I don't want to feel.

GG- I love your advice. I gotta get my ass moving, I've kicked it enough today. I'm gonna grab some food, come home, and lay in bed watching a movie.

:thanks:

[ScoobyDoo]

I'm hating myself

Morrison, this might have been just what you needed (ie once) to make yourself realise what that ultimate trigger is. 2 months is AMAZING and don't let that go just because you made this one error in judgement. Learn from it and get back on track... in 4 weeks time, I want to read you saying 'I'm into my 3rd month'.

*hug*
Doo

[MKR]

I'm hating myself

Dear Morrison,

I keep saying it over and over but it is worth being redundant, we are all works in progress. I think you should STOP kicking your self now realize it was a mistake - one mistake. You still have your 8 weeks counting, you don't have to go back and call it day one, you have to say, 1 slip up to yourself.

Are you sure there was not a hidden trigger issue in there? I found that was what I had to learn, every trigger, and what my reactions were to my triggers. there were some well hidden triggers in there!

You are an AWESOME guy - thanks for being here and thanks for coming clean with us.
Please do something extremely nice for your stomach, like ice water and some plain rice, something easy to digest.

Huge hugs,
Mary

[Quiescent]

I'm hating myself

Morrison,

Practice makes perfect

Keep practicing the good stuff and you'll be great!

:l :l :l

[Bella]

I'm hating myself

Morrison. i hope you are not beating yourself up over this now. A few hours later. I wish i knew what the trigger was. I have also been doing well but completly blew it on sunday. But today is a new day and a new start. Keep going, feel better. We are all there for you. Bella xx