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MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST

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    #1

    MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST

    It seems to me that Our Past has become our biggest , our most terrible - our most difficult - most paraylsing stumbling blocks that we face in getting up and out of this quagmaire... Our so called 'past' has become a gignatic Monstor which eats away at the fuure, one awful bite at a time...
    At least it has for me...:anon:
    I just read another Thread this morning confirming this.
    Thanks for Sharing MikeInMass:
    MikeInMass;1565124 wrote: After going to rehab and saying to myself I will not drink again, here I am again back on Day 1 for today..
    I feel so ashamed and guilty at myself.. I can barely type, shaking so bad, all ive been doing is drinking for the last 2 weeks.

    I need to stop, it all starts when I start thinking about the past and get all depressed.

    Clearly The Past is a huge Landscape and we're all stuck in different places. Memories form Drinking aren't the only ones which parayse me. In fact, many times it's not a specific 'memory' that crushes me, it's recalling the warped midset I was in at the time...

    KTAB (an Ol' Timer :l) has an Avatar which says 'Make Peace With Your Past' which even someone as dim as I knows is the Single most important Key to unlocking a happy future.

    But just knowing that, or reading the Cliff Notes like : With one foot in the past and one in the future , you're pissing on the present...Stop Living in The Past...Yesterdays gone, Yesterdays, Don't stop thinkin' about tomorrow (Okay, That ones Fleetwodd Mac so I am dating myself ) doesn't really cut it for me.
    I once wrote : 'I'll never let my bright Future get in the Way of staying stuck in my awful Past...:no:
    And I meant it. I really did...
    See the Problem??

    So I thought of starting this thread as a place for us to come and unload a memory...or a bunch of memories. I know we do this already on other threads and in our journals, but this would be a PAST SPECIFIC Place...so to speak. Not a 'confessional, tell all place but asmall room we can come to and sit for a bit with a memory which has been sucking us dry for years.
    Maybe if it     gets some light, some compassionate attention, it will shrivel up, leave us the hell alone and we can move on...That's my Theory anyway. Not original by anymeans but...pragmatic nonetheless I hope...
    And of course No judgements here and it can be anything. Even something as simple as I said someone nasty to a guy in the check out line...Anything.

    Because I truly believe that It's Our Past     that Keeps us so lonely and isolated no matter where we are or who we are with....
    Perhaps in this forum we can start to crack open the time capsules we all keep ticking away like a bomb inside our heads..

    I'll go first...
    On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
    *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest
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    #2
    MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST

    Ah kradle my past eats at me everyday, biggest regret is not remembering most of my kids in their teen years, I keep telling myself to forget the past move on but it's crippling to think back sometimes, I do use the saying in your avatar sometimes though
    I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

    I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
    Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

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      #3
      MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST

      ...When I was just out of College and living in Boston, my sister introduced me to a guy she had been friends with from Law school. He was funny, smart and really nice. We hung out together for awhile, movies, museums...nothing heavy but nice just the same.. Then One night, drinking, not much though, he kissed me and I kissed back.
      I realised in that moment that I wanted our relationship to stay at Movies and Museums if you know what I mean... As someone once said, "It's in his Kiss...' And they were right!
      But Then my sister told me that she had dated him 'somewhat' and I was instantly grossed out...thinking how could I kiss a guy my sister kissed:wow:

      So I concocted this elaborate plan to 'get even'. I invited him to a club concert that we all really wanted to go to but I only bought tickets for myself and another friend, not him, even though he had trusted me to get him tix to what amounted to a Sold Out Show.
      The night of the concert, I showed up at his house, rang the bell and stood on the stoop as he got his coat. Then I stopped him and said, "I think it would be better if you took my sister since you like dating members of the same family! I then got in my friends car and drove off leaving him standing on the stoop, dumbfounded.

      I do not remember this guys name or barely what he looked like (this was 25 years ago) but I remember thinking almost immediately that this guy was not ill intentioned...he really didn't know what I was talking about and what a complete peice of shit I was for doing this to him. On my Kradle Thread I have spoken about how I tried for years to be whatever I thought my Family wanted me to be and here is fricken PRIME TIME example...
      What a complete Ass I was. How horrible to do that       to someone. He was a really nice guy. Who the fuck was i trying to impress...?
      And the worst parrt was, I wasn't drunk when I did that! I wasn't even very long into a drinking habit.

      It was my mindset which was completely scrambled. Totally out of whack uch:

      ALCOHOL didn't start that, you know... All l Alcohol did was keep that BS mindset, that crappy and cruel part of me cemented in my brain for 25 plus years, thank you very much....

      So there's my first Piece From The Past and beileve it or not, my chest feels lighter...like I am getting more oxygen in here.

      I'm going to stop now in case I ruin it
      I hope this memory helps someone out there who is trapped underneath a similar rock

      Hearts and Hugs. I'll be back
      :h:l
      On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
      *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

      Comment

        #4
        MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST

        I always liked this quote:

        “When you understand, that what you're telling is just a story. It isn't happening anymore. When you realize the story you're telling is just words, when you can just crumble up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we'll figure out who you're going to be.”

        ― Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters

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          #5
          MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST

          Hi Tom,

          That's a wonderful quote. Unfortunatey it's as I said...those 'Cliff notes' (my term ) just never did it for me. They are way more than just stories to me. They are clinging, live, things that I need real, tangible tools to pry off. The letter thing never worked for me. Gosh, I wish it did!!
          I have felt so much better since voicing that memory. Lighter, more optimistic
          :l:h
          On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
          *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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