Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

[finallydone]

Hi everyone. It's sunday night and I am about ready for bed. I made a huge mistake Thursday and Friday and drank again. I just want to be honest with everyone here. I am really down on everything right now. I hurt a dear person's heart and yet again I sit here miserable of how stupid drinking really is. I feel better today physically but I am shattered inside. I just wish I could somehow finally beat this demon. It just takes everything I have wastes it a way. I am so sick of this. When I am sober I am not always happy but I do the right things. Drunk I am a complete train wreck. I want to apologize to this community and say how much I value everyone here. I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober. Listen and take all the advice I can. If that means getting phone numbers from others on here or where ever for support I will do it. I am finally ready to admit defeat on this. And I will do whatever it takes. It takes all of us for support. Count me in. I will do my part. But I really need to lean all of you right now. My heart feels wounded right now. I am as lost as I have been in life. But I have always fought back. And I will fight back again. Don't give up on me guys and gals. FD is ready to swing back at life again. Thank you everyone.

[NoraC]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

FD - I'm here for you sweetie. :l Of course, we're not going to give up on you. We have all been there.

I know it's hard but you need to focus on YOU and your sobriety now instead of the relationship. If it is meant to be then things will work out for you both. But, none of that can work out until you take care of yourself.

Keep coming here and reading/posting/venting. You are going to do this. :h

[Dottie Belle]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

FD we are here..dont give up..if I gave up the last time I would not be here with all u wonderful folks....today is a new day...
dottie

[finallydone]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

Thank you Nora and Dottie! Wow! It's just keeps getting harder to pick myself off the trash heap. I am so tired of being embarrassed of the person I am at times. You guys pick me up when I feel like am ready to give up. I thank you for that.

[NoraC]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

FD - We ALL have felt embarrassed before. We have all been angry at ourselves. We have all felt guilty for hurting someone we love.

That is why we are all here. Hang in there. Things are going to be better. :h

[Nelz]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

Wont be easy FD, but, you now have a slight advantage. You have something you cherish and want to keep. You have seen what happens when you drink. When that craving hits next........stop......and put yourself RIGHT back in your mind where you are now.

Then ask yourself is it really going to help any situation to drink......or will it put me back to square one.

Some people forgive, others do not, but rest assured, if given a second chance at anything, you better wake up everyday thankful, and so mad at the AL beast that you cant wait for him to come down and tempt you....as you quietly ignore him, and go about rebuilding your life.........I wish you strength and knowledge, and much success

[finallydone]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

NoraC;1565340 wrote: FD - We ALL have felt embarrassed before. We have all been angry at ourselves. We have all felt guilty for hurting someone we love.

That is why we are all here. Hang in there. Things are going to be better. :h

I am going to hang in there! Better days are ahead.

[finallydone]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

Nelz;1565341 wrote: Wont be easy FD, but, you now have a slight advantage. You have something you cherish and want to keep. You have seen what happens when you drink. When that craving hits next........stop......and put yourself RIGHT back in your mind where you are now.

Then ask yourself is it really going to help any situation to drink......or will it put me back to square one.

Some people forgive, others do not, but rest assured, if given a second chance at anything, you better wake up everyday thankful, and so mad at the AL beast that you cant wait for him to come down and tempt you....as you quietly ignore him, and go about rebuilding your life.........I wish you strength and knowledge, and much success

Thank you those our words of wisdom. Maybe I won't be forgiven. But I am willing to pay the price to save my life. Drinking is no longer fun. This thing is about to take it all away if I don't do something to finally reach out to people. None of this fun. But I have to suck up my pride here. It was always easy for me to run away and hide. I am not doing that. I am going to learn from this. If harshly so be it. But I am not letting AL take me down anymore. Drinking for me is no longer a joke. This is life and death for me and many of us.

[3June2013]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

FD put it behind you, it's done. You can learn from it and move ahead or you can dwell on it and beat yourself up. Which makes sense? I think you know. As for being embarrassed, you can't possibly think this community will judge you, do you? Hello? Remember us? Who we are and why we are all here? Yea, not exactly a tough crowd. We want you to succeed and we want to help, so let go of the past and let's get on with it.K?

[finallydone]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

3June2013;1565349 wrote: FD put it behind you, it's done. You can learn from it and move ahead or you can dwell on it and beat yourself up. Which makes sense? I think you know. As for being embarrassed, you can't possibly think this community will judge you, do you? Hello? Remember us? Who we are and why we are all here? Yea, not exactly a tough crowd. We want you to succeed and we want to help, so let go of the past and let's get on with it.K?

You got it! Ready to push ahead. Thank you. I like it when people give it to me straight.

[3June2013]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

That's the spirit! Can you learn from it? Work out what triggered you perhaps? Develop a plan for future situations?

[NoraC]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

FD - I think it's time to go back to your thread.....

The Great relapse and Ready to Go again.

That is a great thread and I think it will help you. :h

[finallydone]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

3June2013;1565352 wrote: That's the spirit! Can you learn from it? Work out what triggered you perhaps? Develop a plan for future situations?

I have been already. It's seems so simple. Just don't drink. If it was that simple there would be no sites likes this or AA and treatmeant centers. Addiction carries a heavy price. You love how you feel for a brief time and than dread what the rest of your day is. It's a heavy toll you pay. I don't want to pay the toll anymore. I have formulated a plan. I will post on here daily. I also connected back with a friend who lives near me in early recovery like me. I am not big on AA but if it's going to be something to keep me sober. Well what's the worst that can come from it. Me not drinking. I am going to work on making amends to a person I care about a lot. And rebuild trust with her and everyone on MWO. This won't be easy. I also know it's something I have to do. I talked to my sister about making sure I take my antabuse everyday. Yeah 38 year old guy having his sister make sure he takes his antabuse but I am running out ways to stick to my guns. She will. LOL. I guess more than anything to finally understand the next few years of my life will not be easy. But it will get better. I will heal and life will feel normal again. I have prayed for it for so long. But I have to finally have patience. Or life will finally be done being patient on me.

[finallydone]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

NoraC;1565358 wrote: FD - I think it's time to go back to your thread.....

The Great relapse and Ready to Go again.

That is a great thread and I think it will help you. :h

Yes! Nora. You are right! Wow. All of you get me back on track.

[3June2013]

Heartbroken and sucking up my pride.

Enlisting RT support is a great idea. I have to work early in the AM but I'll check in soon. Stay strong, you are in control.