Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

[AAthlete]

I was doing so well, and for some reason decided yesterday that I was going to drink....

Passed out last night, and when my wife got home from school I admitted to my drinking. She is extremely upset with me, and I don't blame her. But I need to talk to someone and she isn't speaking to me right now.

I wish I could make everything okay, and I wish that I didn't have this battle to fight. I just want to be normal - is that too much to ask? I took the next step and have an evaluation scheduled with behavioral services at the local hospital.

I'm just sad right now.....

[wwbarb]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA, I know you're sad, and it's okay - don't beat yourself up. It is a step in the process.

Try making it a positive thing - what made you decide to drink? What were you looking for? What could you have gotten somewhere else that you looked to booze for? See if you can't turn this into a learning experience about yourself - part of the process to the life you want to attain.

It sucks having to go through this doesn't it?? You are not alone.:l :l

[Rocky]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AAthlete...

If we were perfect...none of us would be here at all.. we are here to get better and that is hard work for most of us.

You have done very well, made many improvements, had many victories since coming here! A fall, a stumble... happens. You know if you had not been here at all you would not even consider what happen as a screw up...

But since you have a desire to make yourself and your life better...now it is an issue.... That is progress!!!

It's OK to be sad, about the stumble...that is good! But also be Glad for the progress..so many days you did not stumble...The journey continues, and we are all here with you...dusting you off...throwing you back on the bike.... you're OK....

Blessings to you, friend!

[xtexan]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA:

Reading your post, I noted those words, "for some reason".

It has been the center of my program to define, analyze, and understand what my "reason" is.

As I continue on my path, I found that getting a handle on this has been the most difficult part of staying the course.

I can guarantee this, though. It will be a painful, but incredibly enlightening experience to root out, and destroy those "reasons". I am at war with the "reason", and I expect nothing less than an unconditional surrender.

Just an observation. Hang in there.

Neil

[Guest]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

Athlete-
Spent all last week in a pitiful drunk myself. It is hard, but start over!!!! I too made an appointment to get additional help, we can do this!!!!

[Guest]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA, you were if the the first to give me advice and encouragment. Allright we have had this set back . You could wallow in pity or you can do something. You choose the later. Which shows your comitment. Don't worry about being "normal" what is that anyway. Take care you.
smiles
Mary



I'm have to tell you everytime I talk to you I think I'm talking to Lance Armstrong. (HUBA HUBA) but I know Mrs. AA will have your heart

[amethyst]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA, I too * for some reason* decided to have a few last night, and awoke with that familar feeling of self-disgust. I paced myself so as not to feel bad this morning, but it was still a great disappointment. You were one of the first to welcome me to the boards,and I appreciate that, and you and your wise words to so many. If someone else posted what you posted this morning, what you you write to them? I am sorry you are sad and hurting -disappointing ourselves hurts a great deal. But the others are right-today is a new day, and you have the tools and support you need to begin fresh today.

And AA, always remember, * normal is just a setting on the dryer*

[southernbelle47]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA
I think the evaluation is a good idea.
It may be that mood swings bring on a "need" to self medicate.
I keep a journal on when I notice a change and how I respond to it.
Note how you feel when the "need" shows up.
I noticed a rapid heartbeat and a feeling of excitement +....that is the excitement was overboard for what it should have been. It was not an unhappy situation that brought it on but I was tired and had not slept for several nights.
All of that ties into it.
Make very clear and detailed notes.

:l Nancy

[MKR]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

Dear AA,

You have done so well! You have been a great role model for many. I agree with all who said to find the reason. Took awhile for me to figurel out all my triggers. They were immediate sometimes as though I was a zombie and had no control over my reactions to these triggers. The hidden ones are the toughest, but quite worth the effort to get a handle on them.

I believe, your wife is probably just worried about where this one slip up will lead. Not that she hates you or anything like that. She is just afraid the old habits will be reappearing. If you reassure her that it was just a slip that you are learning from I think she will be calmer and more supportive.

Big Hugs,
Mary

[happycamper68]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

Hi AA :l

I agree with MKR about your wife- It is hard to be on the other side of this. If you can't trust yourself how can she trust you, right? But you have been here quite a while and I have goten to know you very well on chat and my impression is that you are going to beat the crap out of this. You have been very inspiring to me. Sometimes after being abs for a while you forget just how crappy it is to feel the way you do today. Well, now you know. Be good to yourself and your wife and get back on!! :h

[lushy]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

Agree with what everyone has said here. Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and know you will be back to your AF ways. Keep working on ways to say no to those "reasons." We love you!

[gabby]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA,
I never know what to say when this happens except for that...
I hate it when this happens.

There's the tough love that kate talks about, and there's the I've been there and did it last night that the others talk about too.

And there's the %^%$#$$^$$ that your wife is sayin....and the whatever's that I have left out.

Bottom line its what your sayin to you that you need to hear.
AA....grab on to that stuff. So long as its not sayin to commit hairy carany and to step positive direction....as bad as it may hurt.....thats what cha gotta do.

I know for me, every time I told me I gotta stop this drinkin.....and still did it again. Even tho I didnt get sloppy drunk or anything like that. I still knew Gabbs.....you gotta listen to you. And only you is gonna help you. And its time RIGHT NOW to get it goin. So start and stop screwin up and get the time under your belt , add it up and NO MORE MESS UPS! period.

So ya see.....its not Kate's tough love. (man I love her tho) and its not the compassionate peeps that say dont be hard on yourself....and its not the peeps that are in the same boat.....and its not your wife......and it damm sure isn't me.
But its YOU. Listen to you...and just flippen do it. (so long as it isn't the hairy carany thing, and just gettin better.)

I think there is a good kinda healthy guilt. Let it work for ya.

So I gotta get back to my stupid divorce papers. bye

[tea]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

Great post Gabby. AA rooting for you, you are and have been so inspiring to me and others, come on now, up you get, back on the saddle. Take care of you and yours.

L

[chris_ckd]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

SouthernBelle, do mood swings bring on the need to self medicate, or does self medicating bring on the mood swings? I think in our world, this is the classic which came first, chicken or the egg.... Anyway, AA I am not familiar what arrangement that you had/ have with your wife about your drinking. Did you tell her that you would not drink? Were you drunk when she came home, was it visible or could she smell it? The reason I ask is I am trying to understand what you are most upset about. 1. you let her down 2. you want to talk to someone, and your spouse who is supposed to be your best friend, cant talk to you about this 3. you let yourself down. Now, it is possible I guess that it can be all of the above, but there has to be one of the above that stand out more than others. I would suggest that you not try to pursue her with the conversation of wanting to talk about it and just show her that you are back on the right path. She will come back to you. Unless there is something else that I dont know about, let her see the strength that you have, albeit super human, still human.

[Popeye]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

Hello AA,

You get right back on that bike my friend.
You've been a great help to me and I'm sure, many others.
Keep it up.