Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

[AAthlete]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

Thanks to all for the replies - I am feeling better and have talked to the wife (we're going to go see a therapist together).

It's true that if I can't be honest with myself, how can I be honest with her? I've been trying to hide it for so long - and I've finally reached the point where I am willing to do anything to get past this.

I can't lie about it any more to her or my son - they deserve better. So, day one of fixing this mess that I've created. It's about time I owned up to it......

[happy2be]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA
I feel so sad for you, and I know how you feel except you have done way better than I have in that you know you can stop for an extended period.

I am looking for the tips and signs that "set" them off and how to side step and avoid the temptation.

Hope you are feeling a bit better and I hope you can mend the situation with your wife:upset:

[Bella]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA, You have done so well. Don't give up. it just goes to show- doesn't it, that we must always be on guard when that liquer monster comes to call. all the best to you. Bella xx

[sri]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA,

You've been an inspiration to me. I want to support you now. You've been doing great - stay strong to be healthy. We are all in this together. Forgive yourself, start over, try new tools and ideas. This is the next phase of recovery for you....

[sammys]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

Hey, it took years for us to get in this boat we are in and for some of of its gonna take some time to get that boat going in a different direction. I know exactly how you feel and I just want you to know as long as you keep trying you will do better and better. I have had some days since joining MWO that made me wonder if I wasn't getting better. I now feel that those days are really not the whole me anymore but a small part of me that is not perfect, and this is who I am right now. I can only change the future not any past whether its yesterday or five years ago but I am changing.

Hang in there,
Sammys

[tea]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

Hi Sammy, me too, I feel I am changing the longer I am here. Bless you all.

Lorna

[Determinatrix]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA,

In the past when Determinator would stumble I would get so upset. Part of it was that the hope that this situation was behind us was crushed. He would make promises I knew he wanted to keep, but was unable. I began to explain to him that my heart had to hold back a bit so that when he was unable to keep his promise it was't so heartbreaking.
Eventually I would ask him to make no promises. They felt like impending doom.

It is an acceptance process for us, the non-overdrinker, as well. We have to accept that this is a lifetime issue. We sometimes think that is it just a decision on your part. I have even felt that it was because I didn't love him enough, or why would he be risking so much. Why would he CHOOSE this for us? Why is he okay with my being this upset?

I began to accept the fact that not all of us have it all figured out. We are all freaks in some way, some of us are just louder about it than others. We all have our issue to deal with that will take us all our lives to manage, whether it is anger, depression, drinking, rudeness, whatever. What helped me be solid for my husband was knowing that if our roles were reversed, he would be by my side always till the end no matter. And I wanted to give that back to him.

It is important that you let her express anger, disappointment, frustration, hope etc. And that you validate it. Determinator sometimes made me feel like I had no say because it wasn't my problem and I couldn't possibly understand what he was going thru. But it was my problem because it was painful to watch. And I could do nothing but be hopeful and inspirational. So when that hope gets crushed, and I was unable to inspire, there was a lot of anger and frustration.

Didn't mean to rant. I recognize where she is at as I have been there myself.

[SKendall]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA, you have been a tremendous support for me. I overdid it for a couple of days last week and it just leaves me reeling. I'm back to AF, but I really had to study my diet and re-up on the supps. My biggest enemy is drinking on an empty stomach, and I have just discovered I am gluten allergic. Feeding my stomach helps me stay a.f.

Love you dearly, AA.

[irishlady]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA, the whole of life is a learning experience that is why we make mistakes, to learn from them so we can move forward.. Those who don't learn are the ones who repeat the same mistakes over and over again, they never move on... I think you have learnt from yours, you are on your way again..

Love, Louise xx

[Determinator]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AAth, I'm going to guess you didn't win the first marathon you competed in?

and there is nothing wrong with that.

[tea]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA really feeling for you, hope all is okay with Mrs AA.... Ahem, when your good to MaMa... Mama is good to youuuuuuuu....

L

[Arial]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

Hi AA,

Just wanted to say I'm really sorry to hear you're down and sending many :l your way!

Yes it's crap having this to deal with all the time - and it does seem to be a never ending battle sometimes - but even 'normal' people have their crosses to bear - maybe in a sense we could say that at least our 'cross' allows us a choice - I know it's not easy continually having to choose, make the right decisions, etc - and it's inevitable that occasionally we'll make the wrong choice and feel bad about it - but we then have to pick ourselves up, get back on that bike and start peddling again - maybe need to switch gears for a while to get up those hills, but it's worth the freewheel once you're there (at least until the next one!)

I believe the more we learn about ourselves and the way our minds work the better we can arm ourselves, so I think you're making a very positive move forward - good luck with the evaluation.

I also want to express a BIG thank you - it was your motivation at the start that led to my not only going abs but getting stuck into an exercise regime which is gradually becoming more of a habit and has helped keep the AF days climbing (hats off to those wonderful endorphins!) - and now once again your honesty here has really made me stop and think, because today was the first day in weeks that I've had to really fight to keep away from the wine - it was winning hands down until I came on here, so thank you again.

All the best,

[ScoobyDoo]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

AA, you're a good man, and you are normal... just normal but with an addiction.

I don't know what else to add that hasn't already been said but when you're back on your feet remember how good the training makes you feel and jump back on that bike.

*hug* from the Doo

[Breez]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

I'm normal and everyone else chooses to drink.
Failing is only failure if you quit. Otherwise it's a learning opportunity. Learning from your back steps-sort of speak.

I came in late today-everyone else already said it. Onward & upward!

[nancy]

Screwed Up Pretty Bad......

I have really enjoyed some of your postings Athlete.

This issue of being normal keeps coming up. I don't think it is the booze itself.

i read a lot about this nowadays and the latest book i have read is called the Addictive Personality. I find it really illuminating, despite the 12 step promotion. I think some of us have developed this strong emotional bond with booze, it's not intellectual. any addictive behavior gives a predictable mood altering experience.

i think if you made progress you should try to feel good about it, despite the set-back.